Embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels

Does the fact that the Phillies topped the Mets three seasons in a row get you down? It bums me out, for sure.

But every time I feel a little depressed, I look at these photos of Cole Hamels, and suddenly nothing seems so bad anymore.

Here’s Cole Hamels and his wife, in an ad for luxury condos in luxurious Philadelphia:

Here’s Cole Hamels carrying a dog in a bag, telestration courtesy of Phillies blog The Fightins‘:

But how do we know for sure that’s Cole Hamels? Back to the luxury condo:

Note that it’s clearly the same dog.

UPDATE: Oct. 15, 2009

Excellent reader Chris has provided more embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels.

There’s this (Get it? Coal Hamels!):

Get it? Cole like Coal?

And, of course, this:

Who knew then that Van Der Beek would be the least relevant of these four by now? Actually, probably everyone.

UPDATE, 6/28: Today perhaps the most embarrassing photo of Cole Hamels yet hit the Internet. It’s a tiny bit NSFW, so I’ll just point you over to the Fightins instead of posting it here.

Actually, come to think of it, it’s not nearly the most embarrassing photo of Cole Hamels yet. That’s got to be the one with the kids in the bed.

UPDATE, 4/21/11: And then there were two! A second image of Cole Hamels’ naked backside emerges, also from The Fightins.

UPDATE, 8/17:

UPDATE, 10/21/10: Brendan Bilko from Surviving the Citi pointed me to a whole slew of heretofore unseen embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels. First, three from a particularly J.C. Penney-ish modeling shoot:

Then this sneer-tastic shot from photographer Bruce Weber:

And finally, playful, cheery Cole Hamels:

UPDATE, 12/1/10: One more, this time courtesy the Twitterer @JWerthsBeard, via Brendan Bilko again.

Because I am not above poking fun at a man’s charitable efforts, here are some more embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels courtesy of the Hamels Foundation‘s web site.

UPDATE, 2/15/11: Cole Hamels is super-duper-psyched about the Phillies’ 2011 rotation:

UPDATE, 3/14/11: 58% of TedQuarters readers feel the following photo of Cole Hamels is embarrassing enough for this archive, so I am including it, with reservations.

UPDATE, 4/5/11: Two more embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels uncovered. The first, and more embarrassing:

Sexy Cole Hamels:

This one’s just weird:

UPDATE, 5/18/11: Via Ryan, Cole Hamels with a dolphin. Not even really embarrassing, unless you consider that he’s obviously reenacting all his favorite scenes from SeaQuest DSV:

UPDATE, 5/18/11: So I guess Microsoft Bing’s image-search formula must switch up more often than Google’s does. Just found these:

UPDATE, 6/3/11: The people have spoken, and this photo of Cole Hamels in an Affliction shirt has been deemed embarrassing enough for this archive. So here it is. Hat tip to Paul:

UPDATE, 6/28/11: Cole Hamels apparently pitched with a band-aid on his face to cover up a zit. I’m pretty vain myself, but I’d say this is good enough for the archive. Via the always-vigilant Hamels-photo archivists at The Fightins:

UPDATE, 7/29/11: From Seth, via Kim, from the Citizens Bank Park scoreboard. Generally Photoshops are frowned upon for purposes of this archive, but since this one appears to be officially sanctioned, I’ll allow it:

UPDATE, 8/26/11: This man is currently tops in the NL in WHIP, fourth in ERA+ and third in K:BB ratio, and the active Major League leader in embarrassing photos:

UPDATE, 9/26/11: TedQuarters hero Valentino Pascucci crushed a game-tying pinch-hit home run off Hamels in the seventh inning of the first game of the Mets and Phillies double-header on Saturday, 9/24. This isn’t the most embarrassing photo of Cole Hamels but there’s just no way I’m leaving it unarchived. Hat tip to Catsmeat for the grab:

UPDATE, 9/27/11: Our man Patrick Flood located a disarmingly abundant wealth of embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels at ColeHamels.com, enough to probably render this site obsolete.

UPDATE, 11/21/11: From the Good Phight, via Tina:

UPDATE, 12/8/11: This one barely counts, but it’s been sort of a dark week for Mets fans and Cole Hamels himself Tweeted it last night. Here’s Cole Hamels in some leopard-print slippers:

UPDATE, 1/18/12: Happy New Year, Royce Hamels!

Photographer Sean Patrick Watters did a photoshoot with Hamels that’s definitely worth checking out for anyone interested in embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels. It includes this:

UPDATE, 3/19/12: Here is Cole Hamels and his favorite tailor:

UPDATE, 5/1/12: Maybe the most embarrassing photo of Cole Hamels yet for reasons specified here, but probably not:

UPDATE, 5/10/12: I’d say this counts. Donate to the Hamels Foundation.

UPDATE, 6/19/12: Yup.

Via multiple Twitterers, including @meechone, @juliaquadrinoo, @happyhank24 and @crashburnalley.

UPDATE, 8/14/12: A reader who requested anonymity passes along this, from a Cole Hamels charity cooking event. It’s not the event itself or even the apron that makes this embarrassing, I think, but Hamels’ expression combined with the apron, plus the leery look on the beefy dude’s face that implies whatever Hamels is saying is without question embarrassing:

Y’all realize by now that I’m a terrible person. So I’m not above pointing you to this photo of Cole Hamels — who seems like he’s probably a good person — celebrating his foundation’s $300,000 gift to an elementary school. It’s the juxtaposition of his expression and that of the little girl to his right on the front riser:

Please donate to the Hamels Foundation.

UPDATE, 10/1/12: Cole Hamels can’t hear us.

From Brett.

UPDATE, 1/2/13: ALL NEW FOR 2013!

Dolphins <3 Hamels.


82 thoughts on “Embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels

  1. WTF is going on in that third picture? Cole looks like he’s all ready go motorboat those fantastic cannons, but there is a little african american girl having a thumb war with the son of Zack Morris.

  2. I think these should be linked somewhere in the sidebar so that whenever life is getting us down, we’ve got a pick-me-up at the ready.

  3. Love how the picture from the Thanksgiving Parade indicates in no way that it is Thanksgiving or a parade. Just that Hamels and his wife like to stand around and wave like idiots.

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  5. Let’s see a Bad Apple reporter trashing a Philadelphia athlete who does more charity work and appearances in his community (that he has adopted as his home) than this half-wit can fathom. No surprise here, the guy has nothing to write and no talent to fall back on so he childishly attempts to belittle this class athlete’s work in his community. No surprises here……It’s New York worthy…….

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