Once feared extinct, the giant Palouse earthworm, reputed to grow up to three feet long and smell like lilies, has been found alive.
It turns out though, experts say, the worm is not a giant, nor does it have a lilylike scent.
– Jim Robbins, New York Times.
Well, if it’s not a huge, flowery-smelling worm, then I really don’t care that it still exists. I mean, no offense to the Palouse earthworm or whatever, and I guess given the choice I’d rather it not be extinct, but since I never knew it existed before today I could really care less if some stupid worm is still around in very limited numbers in Montana.
Also, for what it’s worth, I would hardly call a three-foot worm a “giant.” When I think “giant worm,” I think Tremors, the 1990 film in which monstrous underground worm-creatures torture Kevin Bacon.
Incidentally, thanks to that movie one of my friends growing up thought “tremors” actually referred to giant, carnivorous worms until at least middle school. So when he’d hear reports of “tremors outside Los Angeles” or whatever, he thought there were underground monsters. I spent a whole lot of time preventing people from teaching him otherwise.
Tedquarters 
Sadly, I cannot find a link or any other proof that this story exists, so you’ll kind of have to take my word on it.
But the following is the lede to an Arizona high school soccer team preview from back in 2005. It’s still in my email and I will never delete it. And I humbly submit it to you as the greatest lede of all time.
By Jose Garcia
New Mountain Pointe boys’ soccer coach Brian Sabato says actor Antonio Sabato Jr. is a distant relative. If Brian is as good a coach as Antonio is handsome, Mountain Pointe will be rewarded handsomely this year.
I believe you, because who in hell would make something like that up?
That said, I’ve long appreciated the simple elegance of this lede from the Daily News.
Are you implying I don’t spend my free time concocting fictional characters with the same last name as an early 90s heart throbs?
Wait until I tell my boss, Bill Perry, about this. If he’s half as angry as Luke Perry is handsome, I might get fired.
That’s a legit LOL.