Prosciutto di parma and jamón ibérico might hog all the porkcentric attention, but what some chefs are really excited about these days is a bit more déclassé. Mystery meats like pork roll and Spam are making somewhat subversive inroads on inventive menus around town, spurred on by both the quest for novelty and a nostalgic embrace of regional-American roots.

– Robin Raisfeld and Rob Patronite, NYMag.com.

I’m all for more access to a larger variety of meat products, processed or otherwise, so I welcome the presence of these supposedly subversive options on fancy menus. But I will say that Taylor Ham’s inclusion here among mortadella, SPAM and bologna does not speak well for the Jersey favorite I have not yet tried.

SPAM is not my thing and I haven’t enjoyed bologna since I was 10 years old. And mortadella grossed me out more consistently than any product outside of head cheese and olive loaf at the deli. I just don’t get it at all. It’s like bologna, only with big chunks of visible fat and totally random-seeming pistachios throughout. What the hell are pistachios doing in my lunchmeat?

I should say that an egg and cheese sandwich with a slice of grilled mortadella and a little hot sauce isn’t completely terrible, but it’s the type of thing you’d only want to eat if someone ordered it at the deli where you worked and then never picked it up, which happened one time, which is how I know.

Still gotta try that Taylor ham. One of these days, Jersey. One of these days.