Authorities in Florida said they arrested a man who allegedly cut off a 50-inch alligator tail using a knife he kept in his “Taco Bell pants.”
OK, first of all: Great lede or the greatest lede?
Obviously the big question here is: What in hell are “Taco Bell pants”?
I can think of three possible explanations: 1) This man works at Taco Bell, and those are the pants he wears to work; 2) They are pants that celebrate Taco Bell, like maybe with a bunch of tacos and bells all over them. Or maybe like Zubaz in the Taco Bell colors; 3) He has a specific pair of pants set aside for wearing when he goes to Taco Bell.
I know the third explanation sounds ridiculous, but seasoned Taco Bell enthusiasts know that the beef produces an electric orange grease that inevitably gets on your clothes somewhere. Maybe this guy just wants to concentrate all the grease on one pair of pants, either because he doesn’t want to sacrifice multiple pairs to Taco Bell or because he’s trying to slowly saturate the pants with Taco Bell grease so he can produce his own seasoned beef at home.
Man, Florida’s underbelly is gloriously seedy. I’m considering blowing off the game tonight and driving up to Orlando to cover this developing story.
Huge hat tip to Joe for the link.
Tedquarters 