Taking a victory lap around the tactical retreat by the lawyers who had sued it for its beef not being beefy enough, Taco Bell took out a full-page ad asking the firm to say “sorry.”
The ads ran this week in the Wall Street Journal, LA Times, and the New York Times and were done in the same style of the “thank you” ads they took out when the suit first surfaced.
Sweet. Besides the fact that it makes sense for Taco Bell to be broken up about a frivolous lawsuit besmirching its delicious name, I’m happy to know that Taco Bell is about as petty as I am when it comes to defending itself. Cheesy, melty and petty.
You can click through for the full text of the ad. Turns out Taco Bell was right from the beginning, never misled anyone about what they’re serving, and wants an apology. And you know, why not? If one of our inalienable rights in this country is to sue anybody we want whenever we damn please, another should be calling out the litigious when they are clearly wrong.
Anyway, if Taco Bell is looking for a way to draw attention away from the lawsuit and start generating positive taco press again, I have a solid suggestion: Pay me a ton of money to create new Taco Bell concepts.
Think about it: “Taco Bell hires sports and sandwich blogger of minor repute as Chief Futurist!” That’s the type of headline that sells Gorditas, amigo.
My first move? My web-based create-a-Taco-Bell-thing initiative. For those unfamiliar: Taco Bell should use a flash-driven interface to allow Internet users to suggest and name new Taco Bell products by combining the ingredients already used in Taco Bell items.
That’s — and I’m letting you in on a dirty little secret here — pretty much how Taco Bell already creates new products, so why not make it interactive? The person who comes up with the best idea gets a bunch of free Taco Bell, and Taco Bell sells that person’s creation in stores for a limited time.
And you know what else? Guess who’s going to win that contest? Me, baby! Me. Step to the Magma Gordita Crunch, the TexiMelt, the Bacon Cheeseburger Burrito, the Chalupacabra. You can’t.
Get this done Taco Bell. Then the only apology you’ll be demanding will be from me, for not offering my awesome services to you earlier. We can work together, Taco Bell.
Oh, and if by some chance I now have your attention: The Taco Bell on Route 9A in Elmsford, N.Y. sucks. They don’t even have red taco shells for their Volcano tacos and everything always takes forever. And we can work on maximizing that store’s efficiency just as soon as you start sporking over the cash.
Tedquarters 