I have a busy morning today so I’m turning this Mets-Dodgers preview over to a popular and very well-informed Twitter comedian. I’m not a huge fan of this guy’s stuff really, but he’s got like a billion followers so maybe you’ll enjoy it.

The Dodgers head to Citi Field tonight to face the Mets, and the way these two clubs are going, it’ll be the first time Ramen noodles have ever been served in the owner’s box! I mean these guys should be glad those luxury-suite couches are so cushy, because they might be able to scrounge up some extra quarters.

Mets owner Fred Wilpon won’t pass up the opportunity to see his beloved Dodgers in action, meaning he’ll have to cancel his original plans for the weekend: Trying to sell Carlos Beltran on Antiques Roadshow! GET IT BECAUSE HE’S OLD!

This is the first time the Dodgers will face the Mets since being taken over by the commissioner’s office, but the Mets have been secretly run by Bud Selig for years. And what’s more, Selig has urged both clubs to part ways with the accounting firm they both use: MC Hammer and Associates!

Worse yet for these teams, due to their financial woes they’re not only forcing 83-year-old Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully to travel east for the series, but making him serve on the grounds crew as well. Why? So I can make this joke: If it rains, he’ll have to pull out the… wait for it… wait for it… TARP!

Of course, things aren’t all bad for the Mets these days. Reports say they’re close to selling part of the team to hedge-fund manager Steve Cohen. The joke’s on Cohen, too: He doesn’t know the part they’re selling him is Oliver Perez. WHO CARES THAT HE’S NOT ON THE TEAM ANYMORE IT WORKS BECAUSE HE’S SO BAD AT PITCHING DO NOT DOUBT ME I HAVE 40,000 FOLLOWERS!

Dodgers owner Frank McCourt seemed a bit put off by the coin-operated visitors’ batting cages and the three-card monty games that have replaced the Jumbotron cap shuffle, but said he is confident the Dodgers will remain financially solvent.

“As long as we employ Fernando Valenzuela, we’re too big to fail,” he said.

“Take me wife,” he added. “Please.”