We’ve got to roll at least two deep on this because good questions are streaming in.

Kielbasa, and here’s why: While “kielbasa” can apparently refer to many different variations of sausage around the world, here in the U.S. when you order a kielbasa you have a pretty good sense of the sausage you’re getting, and it’s pretty reliably delicious.

Because there are so many variations of chorizo and we haven’t settled on one particular variety to be called “chorizo” yet in this country, when you order chorizo you risk winding up with a sausage that can actually be kind of gross. And I know that sounds like heresy, but there are some nasty sausages out there, and I’ve definitely seen some of them billed as chorizo.

Don’t get me wrong: Some of the most delicious sausages I’ve eaten have been called chorizo too, and at a reputable establishment selling good chorizo it is often the case that the particular chorizo is better than most kielbasa. But though I could argue that chorizo has a higher ceiling than kielbasa, it decidedly has a much lower floor. So if we’re dealing in abstractions here I’d have to choose the Polish offering, at least if we’re only talking about the reasonably standardized version we encounter here in North America.

No, because if we’re so far removed from reality that we’re imagining a world in which I could throw harder than 60 miles an hour, we might as well go for it and fantasize that I’m mowing guys down, in which case the Yo Quiero Taco Bell thing would probably get pretty annoying.

Instead, I think a nice way to pay homage to Taco Bell and celebrate all my strikeouts would be to play the sound of the Taco Bell that rings when you hover over the logo on TacoBell.com. Also, if I were a closer, that would tie-in nicely with my preferred choice of bullpen music, Dr. Dre’s “Keep Their Heads Ringin’.”

Oh indeed: