Growing up in the Long Island suburbs, the scariest wild animals we ever encountered were raccoons. And no one knew anyone that had actually been attacked by a raccoon, we just knew they had a reputation for orneriness, they hung out in people’s garbage, and they could potentially be rabid.

In Westchester, though, we’ve got a particularly terrifying coyote problem, thanks in part to an old-woman-who-swallowed-the-fly scenario kicked off by the northeast’s out-of-control deer population. Plus, someone hit a mountain lion on the Merritt Parkway a couple of weeks ago and now Greenwich residents keep claiming they’ve seen others.

The latest? There’s a baboon on the loose in New Jersey. The people at Great Adventure claim its not one of theirs, but they are nonetheless working with authorities and encouraging everyone to remain calm, because everyone always urges everyone to remain calm even in situations (there’s a baboon in my backyard hurling feces at my children!) that seem to call rather expressly for panic.