I’ve got a theory about this. I actually wrote about it the last time the McRib poked its head out of its reconstituted burrow: In the 80s, when the McRib came out, most Americans didn’t have access to or a well-developed appreciation for southern barbecue food.

As a New Yorker, I’m not sure I ever even heard of a cuisine called “barbecue” until the late 90s — barbecue was, to me, only a verb: We barbecued hot dogs.

So the McRib was probably the first thing I ever ate slathered in barbecue sauce. And barbecue sauce — even the goopy, super-sweet McDonald’s barbecue sauce — is pretty delicious. The way I see it, the McRib seemed awesome to some people in the early 80s because they never ate actual ribs slathered in actual barbecue sauce, which are just way, way better than the McRib.

Now, barbecue restaurants are everywhere. I can walk to Virgil’s and Daisy Mae’s from here, or get on the subway and get to Hill Country and Dinosaur and Blue Smoke and Smoke Joint. Why am I going to settle for a McRib? If I want McDonald’s, I want something that tastes like McDonald’s — a Big Mac and fries, or Chicken McNuggets. If I want barbecue, I’m going elsewhere.

I suspect the only reason people make a big deal about the McRib now is nostalgia.

If this is some sort of Internet campaign to out me as a nerd, I’ll make things very easy for you guys: Yes, I’ve seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail dozens of times.

I thought it was about the funniest thing imaginable when I was 10, and I practically had the thing memorized. It’s the type of thing I quoted and referenced for so long that I now do so unintentionally, saying things like, “very well,” or “it’s a silly place,” to (attempted) comic effect because they’re part of my, ahh — oh lord — idiom.

So yeah, I have a bevy of quotes at my disposal to answer Jay’s question and a paraphrase to speak to Vinny’s. But I’ll skip them, because SABR-friendly sandwich-blogging is nerdy enough on its own.

Oh man, really? That’s awful news.

Unfortunately, moving to Manhattan means I won’t be able to stay on the Taco Bell beat as vigilantly as I did in Hawthorne. There’s a weird Taco Bell tucked into the back of a deli on 3rd Ave. in the 50s, not far from where I get on the subway. So I’ll be able to get my fix when I need it.

But it’s a well-documented fact that Taco Bell tastes better in the suburbs. This is likely partly due to the scarcity of Taco Bell in Manhattan proper. But it’s also that you usually have a car in the suburbs, and suburban Taco Bells have drive-thrus. You don’t even have to get out. It’s amazing.

Anyway, that’s terrible news about the $5 Cheesy Gordita Crunch box. According to TacoBell.com, the featured Big Box Meal is the Chicken Flatbread Sandwich box. And the Chicken Flatbread Sandwich is no substitute for the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.