Actor Bradley Cooper was named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” which serves as proof that the distinction is a complete flavor-of-the-month sham never meant to reward the real sexiest man alive.

Because Bradley Cooper? C’mon. I could probably argue he wasn’t even the sexiest man in The Hangover 2 if only I were willing to watch The Hangover 2. He’s weasel-y looking, and he doesn’t even have a strong jawline. Unless he’s got some Gerard Depardieu thing about him that defies all objective standards of handsomeness and randomly appeals to women/the editors of People magazine, I fail to see how there’s any way he’s anywhere close to the Sexiest Man Alive.

Hell, I could name you fifteen men right now off the top of my head that are decidedly better looking than Bradley Cooper. First, Christian Bale. Then there’s a big gap, then, I don’t know, George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, Mark Sanchez, the guy from the Old Spice commercials, Brad Pitt, Josh Brolin, almost the entire male cast of X-Men First Class besides Oliver Platt, Idris Elba, and… how many is that? Hell, I can practically guarantee there’s a shirtless dude outside Hollister on 5th Avenue right now making passersby feel uncomfortable that’s better looking than Bradley Cooper.

And people will be like, “well you should be proud of Bradley Cooper, as a fellow Georgetown man.” Incorrect. It’s called “Sexiest Man Alive,” not “Vaguely Attractive Man Who’s Currently En Vogue” or, in this case, “Smarmy-Looking Fella You Should Endorse as Handsome Because He Went to Your College.” Plus it’s not like Bradley Cooper and I would’ve hung out if we overlapped at college.

People Magazine needs to either end the charade and change the name or just be honest about it and give the distinction to Bale every single year. Enough is enough with this.