Author Archives: Ted Berg

Heart attack of the clones

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“We mustn’t build up a fortress against cloning and the offspring of clones,” said Arnaud Petit, a director at Copa-Cogeca, the largest European association of farmers and cooperatives.

– James Kanter, New York Times.

Ahh, speak for yourself Arnaud Petit. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a remote location, building up a fortress against the clones.

Seriously, though, check out the article — it’s an interesting read on the history and possibility of eating cloned animals, plus an overview of the nature and strength of people’s ethical hangups with the practice.

Obviously the intersection of meat and science is important to me, but I have yet to fully formulate an opinion on the matter. Eating cloned animals seems a bit weird, I suppose, and definitely feels more likely to lead to some sort of zombie outbreak. But at the same time, I can’t pretend the way we currently raise animals for consumption is entirely natural.

And I’m never clear on the term “natural” anyway. First of all, how can something truly be artificial — if you trace any chemical back far enough, it has to come from some natural elements, right? Like we can be all, “oh, MSG, that’s not natural.” But where does MSG come from? What constitutes “natural flavors?”

Plus, I mean, humans figured out how to clone stuff. Humans are part of nature, right? Is this particular technology somehow innately different than the development of all the tools we use to benefit society already?

I have a lot of questions and no answers. If cloning ultimately means we’ll have more delicious beef for less money, I’m for it. If it means all meat will taste the same and/or infect our brains and turn us into bloodthirsty cow-people, I’m against it.

Mets Today interviews this guy

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I did an interview with Matt Himelfarb at Mets Today earlier this week. He asked me about my job, how I got it, and a lot about writing in general. Check it out.

I very much enjoyed doing the interview, but it felt a little strange to talk about my own writing and I struggled (perhaps in vain) to avoid sounding pretentious.

Anyway, a brief rant on the topic of writing — and not in response to anything specific. Just in general:

It bothers me that so many people seem to dedicate their time to exposing bad writing on the Internet. I hate that.

First off, though I recognize the importance of — and do my best to employ — decent grammar and compelling structure, I  don’t see the point in getting all broken up if someone manages to get a message across without following some preconceived formula for “good writing.” Language is a fluid thing anyway.

Second, who the hell do you think you are? If you’re so certain you know what constitutes good writing, go produce some. Otherwise, read what you like and avoid what you don’t, just like everyone else does.

UPDATE: To clarify, I have no beef with exposing and arguing against illogical or silly points made by other writers. I do way too much of that to complain about it. What bothers me is people getting all high-and-mighty about the craft itself.

Roy Oswalt trade stuff

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OK, looks like this deal is done, and also spun and analyzed in every which way. But for posterity, here’s some more:

The Phillies get Roy Oswalt and $11 million toward his salary. The Astros get J.A. (sometimes Jay) Happ and prospects Anthony Gose and Jonathan Villar. I’ll ignore for now that the Astros turned around and dealt Gose to the Blue Jays. I’m not really concerned with the Astros’ haul so much as with how the deal benefits the Phillies, since that more directly affects the Mets.

Oswalt is a better pitcher than Happ and so the Phillies are undoubtedly upgraded in the short term. And Oswalt will still be good next year. Though he has shown some signs of age, he has been among the better or best pitchers in the National League since he debuted in 2001 and has remained mostly healthy. He is a safe bet to be a productive member of a now extremely strong Phillies rotation in 2011.

Happ appears to have been a bit lucky to have so much success at the Major League level, but I think he’s gotten a bit of a rough shake from some analysts. Yes, he has far outperformed his FIP, tERA and xFIP in the bigs. But he did strike out more than a batter an inning (albeit while perpetually old for his level) in the Minors. If I had to guess, I’d assume his peripherals improve a bit with more experience, mitigating to some extent his regression. That’s if he can stay healthy, which is no sure thing.

All I know about the prospects is that both are very far off from the bigs and neither has done much so far in the Minors. Keith Law ranked Gose the Phillies’ fourth-best prospect before the season.

Everyone keeps calling the deal a massive win for the Phillies and it’s hard to argue that. But the bright side I’ll point out is this one: Though the Phillies will wind up paying below market value for Oswalt next season, they’re now on the hook for $143.728 million in 2011, according to Cots MLB Contracts.

I have no idea what the Phillies’ phinances are like, but that’s more than they’ve ever spent in a season before. They’re not set lose a whole lot of contributors — Jayson Werth is the only impending free agent that stands out — but they’ll have to fill out their roster somehow. And as Twitterer Chris Guzy points out, they’ve been trading a lot of prospects lately.

Maybe I’m desperate to find the bright side in this deal for Mets fans, but that money thing — I think that’s important. I write about sustainability for the Mets all the time, and unless the Phillies secretly have unlimited funds, the principles should be no different in the City of Brotherly Intentional Vomiting. They’ve got a whole lot of money committed to players on the long side of 30 and they’ve been very liberal about parting with prospects. They’ll likely still be good next year, but it’s not really a recipe for longterm success.

Manuel earns respect in bathroom Dickey showdown

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During last Sunday’s game in Los Angeles, minutes after R.A. Dickey howled at Jerry Manuel about the decision to remove him because of an upper leg injury, the pitcher and manager happened to see one another in the men’s room of the visitors’ clubhouse at Dodger Stadium…

They emerged from that conversation with enhanced trust and mutual respect.

– Andy Martino, N.Y. Daily News.

Sorry.

Funny prank I wish I could claim

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Apropos of nothing other than the discussion of fast-food burgers in the comments section of the last post:

On Grand Ave. in Baldwin, not far from where I grew up, there are a McDonald’s and Burger King about a half mile from each other.

A few years back, my buddy Mike and a couple of his friends had a clever idea.

They went to Burger King and bought a Whopper. One of them stuffed the Whopper in his jacket pocket and they went to McDonald’s and ordered, among other things, a Big Mac.

They sat down in the dining area with their food, then Mike returned to the counter with his Big Mac box and asked to see the manager.

“Ahh, yeah… I ordered a Big Mac, but I got a Whopper,” he said, opening the box to reveal the Whopper he had stuffed inside, complete with — naturally — various ingredients that do not match those served at McDonald’s.

Here’s where it gets awesome:

The manager didn’t doubt him in the slightest. He just picked up the box, walked back into the kitchen, and without any irony shouted, “Who’s makin’ Whoppers back here?”