Mount up

Nate Dogg died last night. If you read this site regularly you know I don’t often get caught up in the rampant (and understandable) sentimentality that usually comes with a celebrity’s death, but the loss of hip-hop’s preeminent vocalist made me legitimately sad. Nate Dogg was a frequent topic of conversation among my friends in both high school and college, all of whom wondered how he managed to so sharply cut out his niche as the guy who sings the hook in just about every West Coast rap song.

“Regulate,” predictably I suppose, helped me start appreciating hip-hop — and for that matter, maybe funk music too — as much as any other track not on Doggystyle. It is a testament to Nate Dogg’s smooth style that the man could make a lyrical depiction of a dice game-come-crime scene accessible to a bunch of suburban middle schoolers on the other side of the country. Now on to the great East Side Motel in the sky.

SAT stuff

So now high schoolers have to learn about Snooki and Kim Kardashian to get into Harvard or Yale.

Someone at the College Board must think so.

That would be the person who wrote the essay question for Saturday’s SAT college admissions test which, shocked students say, was, “Do we benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called ‘reality,’ or are such shows harmful?”

Say what?

Joanna Molloy, N.Y. Daily News.

Here’s something about me I’m not sure I’ve mentioned here: I worked as an SAT verbal and writing instructor for seven years. I started as a freshman in college at a DC-area SAT prep company called Capital Educators. After I graduated, I put up signs around my hometown and landed a few private students. One of the first — due way more to her own hard work than anything I had to say — went up 170 points from her PSAT verbal. Word got out and business blew up. I wound up with a ton of students, enough that I could schedule 12 hours of tutoring (all in my parents’ dining room) on Sunday and six straight on Monday afternoon and earn enough money to pay for my rent and food in Brooklyn.

Long story short, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the SAT. And I don’t care for it.

It’s a stupid test that puts a ton of pressure on teenagers. It’s way too long, and the results have very little to do with a student’s ability to think critically, carry on interesting conversations and function in life. The SAT tests your ability to take the SAT, and, to a lesser extent, your parents’ willingness to shell out cash for SAT prep. I understand why it exists and why colleges rely on it to guide admissions decisions, but there’s just no way you can convince me it’s a fair assessment of anything.

And the essay section is worst of all. Back when I took the test — get off my lawn! — it was only two sections, Math and Verbal, and if you wanted to test your writing you took the SAT 2 (the thrilling sequel) on some other day. For those of you my age and older: There’s now a third section of the SAT and it includes an essay. The prompt is usually something rather general and stupid. They’ll give you a maxim or a quote and you’ll have to support it or counter it using examples from history, art or life.

Presumably creative, interesting responses score well, but it’s not easy to teach an apathetic high school kid to be creative and interesting in weekly one-hour sessions. So people like me teach students to write to a very boring formula that, if grammatically clean and peppered with vocabulary words, is practically guaranteed a good score: A brief introduction restating the question, a list of the examples that will be used to make the argument, the argument itself — using one paragraph each for each of those examples — then a summarizing conclusion.

So maybe someone at the College Board got sick of reading those essays and decided to have a little fun with 1/3 of this year’s high school juniors. Put ’em on their toes, make them actually think a little.

Because to me, that question is about a billion times more interesting than 90% of the boring nonsense they trot out. Media literacy should be an important facet of today’s education, and high-school students damn well should be encouraged to think critically about the role and impact of reality TV, not to mention the now-very-gray definition of the word “reality.”

And the truth is, no matter how Joanna Molloy wants to present it, answering the question requires little more than a cursory knowledge of reality television. If you’re a reader, you could easily argue that reality TV is merely entertainment, and draw parallels to the novels of Jane Austen — many of which are thematically not terribly dissimilar from “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” Or, if you’re into history, you could explain how basically every single new form of entertainment has brought with it protests about its decency, and point out that the cinema hasn’t yet cast the world into widespread moral turpitude.

I don’t know. Seems like there are a ton of ways to play it and very few of them demand religious dedication to watching “The Jersey Shore.” I’m guessing the bulk of the students complaining about the question are well enough aware of reality television to form a cogent, creative argument about the subject, but would much prefer to stick to a lazy formula than consider an interesting and relevant topic. And if I were running a college, that’s not really the type of student I’d be looking for.

Hero

Not only is this shirtless man sax-bombing various hilarious locations, he’s doing it with my go-to karaoke song, Wham’s “Careless Whisper.”*

*- Not that I wind up doing karaoke all that often or ever, I just think it’s important to have something in the hopper in case the situation arises. There’s really nothing worse than someone getting forced into karaoke and choosing a song without realizing he doesn’t know the verses or that it’s out of his vocal range. My alternate choice is Blondie’s “The Tide is High.”

Daily News gossip poll consistently hilarious

You know, I promised myself I was going to cut back on the straight-up newspaper trolling. But I’m really busy today and the Daily News gossip poll is like an alley-oop pass. They’re usually embedded in the related articles online, but they run the results in isolation in the Gatecrasher section in the print edition. And the questions will be stuff that really shouldn’t be left up for polls, like, “Should (Celebrity A) and (Celebrity B) have gotten a divorce?”

Anyway, today’s is true to form. Apparently someone named Joel Madden, who is married to Lionel Richie’s daughter Nicole, Tweeted that his wife spends too much money on pillows. Now the Daily News wants to know if he was overreacting, if he’s completely right, or if he should be keeping their private affairs off Twitter.

Turns out 64% of Daily News readers believe no one should be spending $3,000 on pillows. But I don’t care about Daily News readers (besides myself, of course). I care about you! So I’ve put the same poll here — with a few more choices — to see what TedQuarters Nation thinks about Joel Madden’s decision to Tweet about Nicole Richie’s decision to spend $3,000 on pillows.

[poll id=”18″]

That last one is a shout-out to some SNY.tv editors. For a very long time, whenever we ran a homepage poll involving the Knicks, that was the last answer. It usually won.

Wu-Tang bath mat

Via Dangerous Minds:

I don’t think my wife is going to go for that. When you move in with your significant other, both parties have to concede some things. Bathroom decor was one of the first to go in our relationship. As long as Vin Diesel and Usher hang proudly in our living room, she can pick a shower curtain as lacy and flowery as she wants. But this would match our gray and white tiling, for what it’s worth.

The Wu-Tang bath mat is $25.

Presenting: Das Nürnburger

At participating German McDonald’s restaurants:

Why yes, that is three bratwursts on a roll. It is also Das Nürnburger.

Via Catsmeat, an incredible gallery of fast-food products only available in other countries. As he points out, the Tender Beef Pentagon from KFC looks a hell of a lot like a repurposed Crunchwrap Supreme. And man, it might be worth traveling to Japan to try the Cheese Catsu Burger.