If absolutely everything falls right (pt. 1)

This is often considered a depressing time of year even for those who aren’t Mets fans, but it’s especially bad right now for the Shea Faithful, what with… well, pretty much everything except reports of R.A. Dickey doing stuff.

So I’m squinting at Patrick Flood’s pre-preseason-preview and trying to think of if there’s any way the Mets could have one of those magical seasons where everything falls right, as unlikely as that now seems. So this’ll be a four-part series, I guess, in which I look at the position players and then pitchers likely to be on the roster and take a stab at making the most optimistic predictions for what they might produce for the club in 2012 to figure out if even then the Mets would turn out good.

And I’ll try to keep it at least vaguely reasonable. Technically the most optimistic prediction would be that every hitter on the team suddenly busts out a la Jose Bautista 2010, and the Mets become a ridiculous juggernaut that steamrolls the National League. But since Bautista’s case is exceptional, I’m not about to predict a 1.000 OPS for Ruben Tejada in 2012.

Catcher: Josh Thole has been about average offensively for a catcher in his career, and his ability to get on base and youth seem to bode pretty well for his future at the plate. He struggled defensively in 2011 after appearing to improve that part of his game in 2010. So if all goes well in 2012, he keeps getting on base, turns on a few more pitches for extra-base hits, and puts the defensive growing pains behind him. The most optimistic of the three projections on Fangraphs gives Thole an on-base heavy .736 OPS, but let’s go crazy and raise that to .750 and hope he can play average defense.

It’s hard to realistically hope for much from Mike Nickeas offensively, given his career Minor League numbers. But if we’re half-fulling here,  maybe Thole stays healthy enough to play the bulk of the Mets’ games behind the plate, Nickeas’ defense lives up to its billing and he hits well enough to prove an above replacement-level backup catcher. That doesn’t take much: Even a .600 OPS with good enough defense would do the trick.

First base: Ike Davis spent the first month of 2011 hitting about as well as we could reasonably hope he could, but given the long injury layoff I’d say it’s unfair to project a .925 OPS even in this useless exercise. But they are moving the fences in and we are trying to be as optimistic as possible, so let’s say Ike is healthy and stays that way and can maintain an OPS around .880 while playing his typically excellent defense. 

Second base: The most optimistic thing you can hope for at the keystone is that Daniel Murphy can hack it there well enough to avoid injury and embarrassment and keep his bat in the lineup. If Murph can maintain something around his .809 OPS from 2011 and just be better than Dan Uggla defensively, he’s a pretty valuable guy to have in the middle infield.

Third base: It was all the fences. David Wright again performs like his 2005-2008 vintage, when he was one of the very best players in baseball. He’s still probably a step slower defensively, but that part of his game improves a bit too as he grows more confident that he can again be awesome.

Shortstop: As with Davis and Murphy, with Ruben Tejada the most reasonable optimistic expectation would have to be that he’s capable of repeating something close to his offensive performance from 2011 over a full season. And there’s not much in Tejada’s Minor League past to suggest he should do that, but he’s so young and has always been so young for every level that we can still cross our fingers and hope he’s coming of age before our eyes, and that he can play capable defense at a premium position.

Backups: Ronny Cedeno sees some time as a defensive replacement and makes a bunch of fancy plays. Justin Turner forever wins the hearts of Mets fans everywhere with clutchness and grit in a right-handed pinch-hitting role. Neither needs to start that often, obviously, because all of the regular infielders are staying healthy and having career years.

How many wins is that infield worth? The way I see it — and again, I know this is all very unlikely — it’d have two legit stars in Davis and Wright, a solidly above-average player in Murphy and at least average guys in Tejada and Thole.

Now featured at the analog TedQuarters

This is not a great picture of the thing, but my dad made me this baseball-card mural for Christmas. For better or worse, the reflection of the living-room light blocks out Willie McGee’s face in the photo:

The cards all came from the duffel bag full of cards in my parents’ basement. Somehow a now-creased 1987 Topps Barry Bonds was in there, even though my brother and I once worked pretty hard to separate the cards we thought might be good from the duffel-bag cards.

I made a couple of similar murals before I first moved to Brooklyn about seven years ago, but I didn’t do nearly as good a job with them so some of the cards were a little crooked and a bunch eventually fell off. I got the idea from the Park Slope music venue Southpaw, which has its basement basically wallpapered in old cards.

Anyway, if you have a lot of old, hilarious baseball cards laying around somewhere, I suggest putting them to this good use. I find myself staring at the thing all the time, transfixed by all the amazing mustaches and awful uniforms of yesteryear.

Ike Davis mending, Mets medical staff… who knows?

Good feature from Anthony Rieber in Newsday about Ike Davis’ recovery process. The bottom line? Davis is ready to go, but his ankle injury could linger in some fashion for the rest of his career. And it was at some point misdiagnosed by the Mets’ medical staff.

That report sparked a flurry of Tweets from Adam Rubin indicating other times the Mets have mishandled player injuries, but though some of them are quite damning, the cases — as Rubin briefly notes — are different than Davis’.

With Davis, the medical staff actually misdiagnosed the injury. Traditionally, it seems, the problem has not been the diagnoses from the medical staff but how the team acts on them, and there’s not a ton to suggest the problem has continued under Sandy Alderson.

Remembering Pascual Perez

Navin Vaswani at NotGraphs collected a bunch of solid anecdotes about Pascual Perez from the Internet. It’s worth reading, but it made me feel pretty old because about halfway through I realized it was pretty clear that Vaswani — as he later noted — never saw Perez pitch.

He was all those things and more, Navin. It was something to behold. He didn’t just wear the jheri curls, he lived them.

If I remember it right, Carlos actually proved the craziest of the pitching Perezes. The Wikipedia is blacked out and so is a good portion of my memory, so I can’t prove that now. But I remember him wildly signaling strikeouts from the mound and taking ridiculous home-run swings every time he came up to hit, and I remember aping both those things while playing stickball.

Melido, on the other hand, never did anything I can remember to distinguish himself as weird besides being Pascual’s brother, throwing a rain-shortened no-hitter against the Yankees then later joining the Yankees, and also having sweet jheri curls.

Via Steve Schreiber.

None of the above!

Do I really think Brewster’s Millions is the best baseball film ever made? No. It’s a really stupid movie. But it’s one of those awful movies that every time it pops up on one of my 15,000 DirecTV channels, I fall into some sort of drooling trance in which time stands still. I don’t know that I’ve ever watched the thing from start to finish, but I’ve probably seen it about 30 times in fits and starts. There are some things the film did well. First, it proved that you can stick John Candy and Richard Pryor in the same movie and not only render them completely unfunny, but you can in fact make them seem almost child-like. I mean, this is Richard freaking Pryor, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t use a single swear word in the entire film.

Bradford Doolittle, Baseball Prospectus.

I was pretty excited to see Brewster’s Millions on Baseball Prospectus’ list of 10 favorite baseball movies, but then I read the accompanying blurb. “Awful”? “Unfunny”?

Get your head out of the spreadsheet, son. Brewster’s Millions is a classic, and this dude at work who went to film school agrees. The premise is outstanding and the Richard Pryor is Richard Pryor. And “None of the Above” remains the only political candidate to which I could ever give my wholehearted endorsement.

Why national baseball writers should avoid writing team-specific articles

A couple of people pointed me to Jeff Passan’s ill-considered rip-job of the Mets for Yahoo! yesterday, but I was struggling to muster up the energy to write something about it, in large part because I didn’t know where to begin and in smaller part because I’ve come to hate indulging stuff like that with whatever little traffic I’d send its way. Luckily, Eric Simon took care of it.

Maybe it’s my fault

I was struck by something on my walk to the subway this morning. I’ve been following sports in earnest since 1987, when I was six years old. I remember watching the 1986 World Series with my family, but I didn’t understand it or recognize its import. I took up the Mets the following offseason, perhaps in part because of that championship but more likely because I was finally old enough to appreciate how awesome baseball is.

Anyway, sometime not long thereafter I started following the Jets and Knicks (to varying degrees). I’m nominally an Islanders fan, but let’s ignore hockey for the purposes of this discussion because, well… because it’s what people so often do.

2012 will mark my 26th year of following sports, and I have not yet known the glory of seeing one of my teams win its sport’s title. Actually, I shouldn’t even say “glory.” I don’t know if it’s glorious. It seems that way, but really I have no idea. I’m going to be 31 next week and I have been following sports for my entire conscious life, and that feeling — the ultimate reward for following sports — is still foreign to me.

I spent part of this morning trying to determine how many other cities might have fans as unfortunate as I have been these past 21 years. Granted, it’s inarguably better to have a perennially lousy professional sports team than no team at all, but I looked up all the cities with MLB, NFL and NBA franchises to determine if it’s feasible any fan in any city, choosing from local teams, might have it as bad as I do. One of those days.

Boston fans, you know, have seen recent successes from their teams in all three of those sports. Chicagoans who favor the Cubs have not seen an MLB or NFL title in the stretch, but can hang their hats on the Bulls’ unbelievable Michael Jordan run in the 90s. It has been mostly bad for them from Detroit, but they’ve got the lone Pistons championship in 2004 to hold on to. And so on.

Things have been nearly so bad for San Francisco Bay Area natives — likely on the Oakland side — who follow the A’s, Raiders and Warriors. The A’s won the World Series in 1989, but those teams have been otherwise quiet since.

Cleveland has a case: Neither the Browns nor Cavs nor Indians has taken its league championship since the Browns won the pre-Super Bowl 1964. And Seattle’s teams have been silent, title-wise, since the Supersonics took the crown in 1979.

But if you want to pick nits here — and I do, because this is about proving to myself how bad I have it — Mets/Jets/Knicks fans can claim this pathetic distinction on a technicality: The Browns, of course, have not operated continuously since 1987, and Cleveland was without a football team for three seasons from 1996-1998. And the Supersonics moved to Oklahoma City in 2008.

So no fan who came of age after 1987 and has followed continuously operating local MLB, NFL and NBA franchises has it quite the same as the Mets/Jets/Knicks fan. Certainly a case can be made that the Mets’ World Series berth in 2000 and the Knicks’ finals appearance in 1999 mitigate the suffering, but in truth it’s all about RINGZZ and my teams have f@#$ing none of them since I’ve been paying attention.

I imagine a lot of you are in the same boat. Let’s wallow in self-pity!