I’m sitting at my desk laughing like a crazy person at some of SB Nation’s Top 40 animated GIFs of 2010. It’s No. 3 that gets me every time.
Things that make me laugh maniacally
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Category Archives: General Basketball
The NFL’s flawed playoff system
As Steve Tisch and John Mara point out in the article, it’s not like 7-9 teams make the playoffs often. But I’m all for a blanket rule in all major sports that no team under .500 ever makes the playoffs.
Well that sucked
Can’t say I’m thrilled with the outcome of the Georgetown-St. John’s game last night. Someone needs to remind my Hoyas that it’s much easier to win basketball games when you actually make baskets.
Anyway, it was at least an exciting one, and I suppose there’s something to be said for the Garden rocking with excitement over Red Storm hoops. Plus, the Johnnies were responsible for multiple completely awesome plays. Check out the one-handed alley oop at 0:18 and the absurd, damn-near Jordanesque reverse at 0:46.
No. 5 Top Thing of 2010: I meet Shaq
I mentioned here that I was meeting Shaq, but I’m not sure I actually confirmed that I met Shaq. I did. It was awesome.
After I reviewed Shaq’s debut as an art curator, an exhibition at the FLAG Art Foundation in Chelsea, someone from FLAG called me and asked if I would come to a walk-thru of the exhibition hosted by Shaq. Duh. Of course I would. They told me the only condition was that I not ask about Shaq’s injured wrist, since he was there to talk about art.
Wait, I thought: Who the hell would ask Shaq about his injured wrist when he’s guiding a tour of his first gallery exhibition? I want to know what Shaq thinks about art!
Turns out the Big Aristotle is something of a post-modernist, and just sort of kept repeating, “Everything is art.” Because — not sure if you’ve noticed — Shaq is extremely tall and speaks in a very low voice, he is extraordinarily difficult to record on a hand-held voice recorder, so I don’t have many more direct quotes. I asked him if he had thought of an art-themed nickname for himself and he said, “Shaqasso.”
Of course, a reasonably prominent ESPN reporter did ultimately ask Shaq about his wrist injury. Though I realize the guy was just doing his job, it annoyed the crap out of me. Here’s one of the sporting world’s most interesting personalities discussing perhaps his most interesting pursuit yet, and you’re asking him a question you can be almost certain he won’t answer in anything more than vagaries. And I recognize that Shaq’s only famous for basketball and if he were just some massive dude curating an art exhibit who hadn’t been one of the top NBA players of the last 20 years I likely wouldn’t have gone. But c’mon, guy. Shaq’s talking about art. Just, c’mon.
All that said, the moment that deserves merit in the TedQuarters Top 10 Things of 2010 is not that reporter’s question, or mine, or even the walk-thru of the gallery. The No. 5 Top Thing of 2010 is stepping off the elevator into the gallery and having one of the FLAG folks say, “Shaq, this is Ted Berg,” and having Shaq shake my hand with his massive left and subwoof, “Hi, Ted, nice to meet you.”
One of the sad things about the combination of getting older and having this job, I think, is that I’ve become a bit jaded about meeting professional athletes. They’re just dudes and all, even if they’re dudes that are really awesome at sports. But because he has been an NBA star since I was 11, because he is that guy that raps and acts and actually works as a sheriff’s deputy and summons people on Twitter and conducts the Boston Pops, and because he is physically so much bigger than me, Shaq made me feel like a giddy grade-schooler. F@#!ing Shaq, bro. It was sweet.
Leopold Shaqowski
This man is a national treasure.
A partial year in Tweets
I’ve got Christmas shopping and an upcoming vacation on the mind, and I’m struggling a bit to come up with anything to write about. But I’m vain enough to reprint things I’ve already published, and I figured revisiting the year via a selection of my own Tweets would make for a decent year-in-review post. Problem is, I can’t find a way to see any Twitter before May 26. So indulge me in a partial year in Tweets:
May 26: Oh thank god. I was concerned Fernando Nieve wouldn’t get in this game. #youhavetwomopupguysforjustthissituation
June 1: I am embarrassed and terrified by how few of NY Mag’s 101 Best Sandwiches in NY I’ve had. Looks like I’ve got a long night ahead.
June 3: ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE JIM JOYCE!
June 4: An A-ball team is now calling batting practice “hitting rehearsal” to avoid calling it “BP.” That’ll teach ’em.
June 7: Prediction: Some guys drafted tonight will turn out good and others will suck.
June 11: You can scold Lady Gaga for wearing a bikini bottom to the Mets game, but you’re just jealous she can get away with never wearing pants.
June 15: Painter Thomas Kinkade was arrested for DUI Friday on an idyllic cobblestone road by the charming old lighthouse at dusk.
June 18: Campbell’s is recalling 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s. In a related story, there are 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s.
June 24: Obviously Johan Santana sucks now because he had extramarital sex with a woman on a golf course eight months ago.
June 30: Me, after filming five intros: “Does being introduced as ‘Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner’ ever get old?” Kiner: “How could that ever get old?”
July 4: Jeff Francoeur, who has a .718 OPS, said all the Mets OFs deserve playing time upon Beltran’s return since none is “flat-out sucking.”
July 8: Funniest outcome: LeBron James announces he’s signing with Olympiacos then suffers career-threatening finger injury while flipping everyone off.
July 16: Source: The Yanks would like to have Joakim Soria, distinguising them from all those teams that would not like to have Joakim Soria.
July 20: When managing an MLB roster, the most important thing to know is never, ever risk losing Fernando Nieve on waivers. Too risky!
July 23: Jason Bay has struggled all season, presumably because of something Carlos Beltran did.
July 29: Source: Adam Dunn is lazy, but won’t DH because he hates baseball so much he wants to torment it with terrible defense.
Aug. 5: Are we discounting the possibility that Brett Favre’s photos were actually aimed for his wife and intercepted?
Aug. 6: Why do crappy baseball teams lack the confidence that the good ones have? The world may never know.
Aug. 9: According to Alex Cora, if a team is committed to winning now, it should hang on to Alex Cora.
Aug. 12: Heath Bell leads the National League in saves, but he’s dead last in old men beaten up.
Aug. 16: Jerseyites always get all dodgy when you ask them about Taylor Ham, a local meat product. Be honest, Jersey: Is it people?
Aug. 21: I saw Wyclef Jean in concert once. It was awful. I left thinking, “I hope that man is never a head of state.” #votepras
Aug. 25: Look I know Jeff Francoeur hasn’t had a hit in two months, but please, give him credit: He’s had some really long at-bats.
Aug. 31: Will the media hordes follow Jeff Francoeur and his pursuit of 100 home runs to Texas?
Sept. 1: Don’t forget: Tommy Hanson and his longtime family friends will deny it, but he’s totally cousins with the band Hanson.
Sept. 5: Mets steaming as clubhouse cancer Mike Pelfrey draws ire for fantasy football grandstanding. “Thinks he’s John Madden,” grumbles one.
Sept. 5: My biggest regret is that I lived nearly 30 years without knowing about the sandwich I just ate. Holy hell. Everything is different now.
Sept. 10: Carlos Beltran should not have torn Johan Santana’s left anterior shoulder capsule.
Sept. 13: Paraphrasing Daily News: Jets should not have objectified this extremely sexy bombshell reporter. WITH SEXY PHOTOS!
Sept. 15: Pretty sure every single person at Citi Field is on the line at Shake Shack.
Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”
Sept. 27: Jets overcome injuries, penalties, widespread charges of moral turpitude to beat Dolphins, 31-23.
Oct. 3: Not sure why people are so fired up about Dickey pitching here. Doesn’t crack the top 1000 dumbest Mets moves this season.
Oct. 6: I think maybe Cee Lo Green is going to unify the planet in utopian harmony the way we thought Wyld Stallyns would.
Oct. 9: Knowing that Mariano Rivera has been to Taco Bell is like knowing that the Beatles met Muhammad Ali. Historic confluence of awesome.
Oct. 13: An errant dart just struck an unopened soda can and sent a stream of ginger ale shooting across the office. It was awesome.
Oct. 16: Jeff Francoeur’s rocking a historically great 3:1 FA:PT in the ALCS. That’s feature articles:pitches taken.
Oct. 18: Fox vs. Cablevision is like the Yankees-Phillies World Series of corporate disputes.
Oct. 19: Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver guarantees you’ll appreciate the broadcast you hear next. It’s like taking the donut off the bat.
Oct. 28: ALERT: Man in suit proceeding south on 5th ave. on a Segway.
Nov. 1: Will Tim Lincecum’s performance tonight help sway the vote on Prop 19?
Nov. 8: Even though the Giants debunked Moneyball, the Mets have hired Paul DePodesta.
Nov. 16: Charlie Samuels fired today? Dammit, I had Nov. 16 in the pool. Wait – noooooooo!
Nov. 17: It’s laughable that Bud Selig still thinks Abner Doubleday invented baseball. Everyone knows it was Wally Backman.
Nov. 21: Mets hire manager at 3 a.m. Pakistan Standard Time.
Nov. 22: It’s bizarre to me that many Mets fans who argued that Wally Backman has changed seem certain that Terry Collins cannot.
Nov. 28: What kind of party is it, exactly, that could prompt a man to defile the mashed potatoes?
Nov. 29: Apparently a WEEI caller today suggested that the Red Sox pay Derek Jeter $20 mil and bench him behind Marco Scutaro.
Dec. 3: In Colonial Williamsburg, everyone wore tight, tapered knickers and stayed ironically detached from the whole revolution thing.
Dec.6: OK Jets fans, this is awful. But we need to remember one thing: Tom Brady wears man-UGGs.
Dec. 7: Heard this: A mystery team has made a bid for an unspecified player. Terms not disclosed.
Dec. 9: To me, what the Mets are doing this offseason *is* exciting. Extremely so. I could hardly care less what makes headlines.
Dec. 13: Sandy Alderson is so much cooler than Mike Francesa.
Dec. 14: From the Internet today you’d get the impression that the Phillies won’t lose a single game in 2011. C’mon. They’ll lose at least 5.
Dec. 15: Most amazing thing about tonight’s Knicks game: I’ve now watched three straight Knicks games.
Previewing Knicks-Heat with Tommy Dee
I found out yesterday I had a few vacation days left unaccounted for, so I took the day off today. This is good because I have a ton of actual housecleaning I need to be doing, plus Christmas shopping and such. Also, I’ve been feeling a little writer’s-blocky lately, so maybe it’s time for a bit of a refresh.
Anyway, thanks to movie magic, I was able to preview tonight’s Knicks-Heat game with Tommy Dee. Here’s that:
I’ll probably post some stuff later, too, if I come up with something worth posting about. Otherwise, I’ll be back with a Sandwich of the Week sometime this weekend.
Recapping Knicks-Celtics with Tommy Dee
A little Knicks video love:
Taylor University’s Silent Night
Of all the incredible traditions in college basketball, Taylor University’s annual “Silent Night” has to be one of the most original.
Pajama-clad students, faculty and alumni packed Odle Arena on Friday night for Taylor’s home game against Ohio State-Marion. They remained dead silent until guard Casey Coons scored Taylor’s 10th point at the free throw line and then they erupted in confetti-filled mayhem for five straight minutes as though the tiny NAIA Indiana school had just captured a national championship.
It’s a sweet idea, but as you’ll see from the video, it’s not perfectly executed. That’s always going to be the problem: There’ll be some fans of the opponent around, plus a few who just didn’t get the memo.
I’ve always held that it’d be awesome if a closer could organize something like that for his entrance music. Instead of a song, the whole stadium goes completely silent, and the only thing anyone hears is the sound of the ball popping the catcher’s mitt as he warms up. Badass, right?
Problem is if the guy isn’t Mariano Rivera and fans start to turn on him, then you’ve got all the supportive fans sitting silently giving a few vocal haters the opportunity to broadcast whatever they want.
11-year-old dunks
Crazy. In my town, there was always talk that local legend Mike Ryan could do the same around the same age, but I don’t believe there’s any videotaped evidence.
Tedquarters 