Category Archives: General Football

Some glory-days stuff

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This column in the Daily News got me thinking about some glory-days stuff:

In 10 years of playing organized football, I played for a lot of bad teams. Outside of one notable blip in eighth grade, every single club was somewhere between crappy and downright terrible.

And perhaps none sucked as much as my high school team in my junior year. Our starting quarterback broke his arm two weeks before practices began in a drunken backyard incident. Our backup quarterback struggled with ankle problems all season. Multiple players missed multiple games with legal troubles. The average weight of our offensive linemen was probably around 175 pounds. We had a few decent players, but holes pretty much everywhere.

We finished the year 1-7, our only win coming against perennial conference patsy West Hempstead. But it almost wasn’t that way. We were quite nearly 2-6.

Some odd Saturday in the middle of the season we were scheduled to play New Hyde Park. The Gladiators, as they were known, never quite pulled out a conference or Long Island-championship in those years, but we could never figure out why. Every season they embarrassed us, even more than we were normally embarrassed.

We were playing at home that afternoon, and we were warming up in a light drizzle when the New Hyde Park team filed off the school bus.

They were, to a man, tremendous. Later, players on our team would half-joke that the district must have been distributing steroids. Every single dude was like 6’2″ and 220 pounds, and most of them had their jerseys tucked up under their shoulder pads to show off their six-pack abs. Oh, and most of them had dark visors and sported neck-roll pads, which never seemed to really protect against anything but served to make already frightening dudes look intimidating as hell.

The drizzle turned to hard rain and eventually a full-on downpour, so our coaches led us back into the locker room to dry off and get focused in the 20 minutes before game time. The room, in the dark basement of the school, reeked of 40 years worth of sweat spilled mostly in vain. We sat on long benches and spoke in hushed tones. Everyone was drenched. A couple guys were visibly terrified.

As the storm continued, our head coach went out to meet with the referees and opposing coaches to discuss the conditions. In the meantime, the assistant coach emerged from his office to address us.

He spoke for about 15 minutes straight, and I can’t now remember a word he said. All I know is this: It was the most inspiring and perhaps very best motivational speech of all time. Honestly. Dude made Patton look like Ben Stein.

There must have been stuff in there about the rain and our pride and our home field and all the stuff that gets high-school football types fired up. It built in a slow crescendo, coach yelling about what we were about to do to them and how we were going to do it. Even those few terrified scrubs started looking mean, determined, excited.

He ended abruptly and told us to line up by the locker room door to march out to the field together. I remember standing there in electric silence with my heart racing, feeling as connected to my teammates as I could ever be to anyone at that age. Every guy in line knew we were about to walk out on the field and promptly beat the piss out of the biggest, baddest team in the conference.

We could hear the rain splashing outside as we prepared to file out. Finally the door swung open.

Our soaked head coach stood in the doorway.

“Game’s canceled, boys.”

New Hyde Park came back on Monday afternoon and beat us handily.

Mine’s not a high horse

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Jackson, of course, was stunned. “I’m just sitting back there thinking, ‘They’re really not going to kick it to me’,” said Jackson. But he took the gift and, after first fumbling the ball and then recovering, he avoided a tackling attempt by receiver Duke Calhoun, put a move on tight end Bear Pascoe, and out-ran a diving Dodge before showboating his way into the end zone as time ran out.

– Ralph Vacchiano, N.Y. Daily News.

That’s not all — the Daily News actually dedicates a whole section of the game notes to Jackson’s showboating, and after CBS showed the play during the Jets’ game, Jim Nantz called it “disgraceful” or something equally sanctimonious.

First off, there’s nothing worse than a bunch of sports-media types getting all hot and bothered about players celebrating. Sports are entertainment. We watch sports to be entertained. End-zone celebrations are immensely entertaining. Unless they come at a downright terrible time — with the team way down and out of the game or something — they’re awesome.

Second, and most importantly, I’m not sure what Jackson did even constitutes showboating, like, at all. He took a hard left when he reached the goal line to make sure the clock expired. To me, that counts as smart football.

Maybe, I don’t know, the way he slowed up and held his arm up before finally going in was some minor celebration. But even if I were someone who gets broken up over Ochocinco’s end-zone jigs I don’t think I’d find anything too offensive about Jackson’s jog across the end line. He was afforded the opportunity to make sure he ran out the clock by the Giants’ miserable punt coverage on the play, which left him with some 20 yards of wiggle room at the end.

And not for nothing, the play was a last-second punt return touchdown that marked the culmination of a massive fourth-quarter comeback in a game between divisional rivals with major playoff implications. Given the circumstances, I’d say the celebration was pretty reserved.

A partial year in Tweets

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I’ve got Christmas shopping and an upcoming vacation on the mind, and I’m struggling a bit to come up with anything to write about. But I’m vain enough to reprint things I’ve already published, and I figured revisiting the year via a selection of my own Tweets would make for a decent year-in-review post. Problem is, I can’t find a way to see any Twitter before May 26. So indulge me in a partial year in Tweets:

May 26: Oh thank god. I was concerned Fernando Nieve wouldn’t get in this game. #youhavetwomopupguysforjustthissituation

June 1: I am embarrassed and terrified by how few of NY Mag’s 101 Best Sandwiches in NY I’ve had. Looks like I’ve got a long night ahead.

June 3: ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE JIM JOYCE!

June 4: An A-ball team is now calling batting practice “hitting rehearsal” to avoid calling it “BP.” That’ll teach ’em.

June 7: Prediction: Some guys drafted tonight will turn out good and others will suck.

June 11: You can scold Lady Gaga for wearing a bikini bottom to the Mets game, but you’re just jealous she can get away with never wearing pants.

June 15: Painter Thomas Kinkade was arrested for DUI Friday on an idyllic cobblestone road by the charming old lighthouse at dusk.

June 18: Campbell’s is recalling 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s. In a related story, there are 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s.

June 24: Obviously Johan Santana sucks now because he had extramarital sex with a woman on a golf course eight months ago.

June 30: Me, after filming five intros: “Does being introduced as ‘Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner’ ever get old?” Kiner: “How could that ever get old?”

July 4: Jeff Francoeur, who has a .718 OPS, said all the Mets OFs deserve playing time upon Beltran’s return since none is “flat-out sucking.”

July 8: Funniest outcome: LeBron James announces he’s signing with Olympiacos then suffers career-threatening finger injury while flipping everyone off.

July 16: Source: The Yanks would like to have Joakim Soria, distinguising them from all those teams that would not like to have Joakim Soria.

July 20: When managing an MLB roster, the most important thing to know is never, ever risk losing Fernando Nieve on waivers. Too risky!

July 23: Jason Bay has struggled all season, presumably because of something Carlos Beltran did.

July 29: Source: Adam Dunn is lazy, but won’t DH because he hates baseball so much he wants to torment it with terrible defense.

Aug. 5: Are we discounting the possibility that Brett Favre’s photos were actually aimed for his wife and intercepted?

Aug. 6: Why do crappy baseball teams lack the confidence that the good ones have? The world may never know.

Aug. 9: According to Alex Cora, if a team is committed to winning now, it should hang on to Alex Cora.

Aug. 12: Heath Bell leads the National League in saves, but he’s dead last in old men beaten up.

Aug. 16: Jerseyites always get all dodgy when you ask them about Taylor Ham, a local meat product. Be honest, Jersey: Is it people?

Aug. 21: I saw Wyclef Jean in concert once. It was awful. I left thinking, “I hope that man is never a head of state.” #votepras

Aug. 25: Look I know Jeff Francoeur hasn’t had a hit in two months, but please, give him credit: He’s had some really long at-bats.

Aug. 31: Will the media hordes follow Jeff Francoeur and his pursuit of 100 home runs to Texas?

Sept. 1: Don’t forget: Tommy Hanson and his longtime family friends will deny it, but he’s totally cousins with the band Hanson.

Sept. 5: Mets steaming as clubhouse cancer Mike Pelfrey draws ire for fantasy football grandstanding. “Thinks he’s John Madden,” grumbles one.

Sept. 5: My biggest regret is that I lived nearly 30 years without knowing about the sandwich I just ate. Holy hell. Everything is different now.

Sept. 10: Carlos Beltran should not have torn Johan Santana’s left anterior shoulder capsule.

Sept. 13: Paraphrasing Daily News: Jets should not have objectified this extremely sexy bombshell reporter. WITH SEXY PHOTOS!

Sept. 15: Pretty sure every single person at Citi Field is on the line at Shake Shack.

Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”

Sept. 27: Jets overcome injuries, penalties, widespread charges of moral turpitude to beat Dolphins, 31-23.

Oct. 3: Not sure why people are so fired up about Dickey pitching here. Doesn’t crack the top 1000 dumbest Mets moves this season.

Oct. 6: I think maybe Cee Lo Green is going to unify the planet in utopian harmony the way we thought Wyld Stallyns would.

Oct. 9: Knowing that Mariano Rivera has been to Taco Bell is like knowing that the Beatles met Muhammad Ali. Historic confluence of awesome.

Oct. 13: An errant dart just struck an unopened soda can and sent a stream of ginger ale shooting across the office. It was awesome.

Oct. 16: Jeff Francoeur’s rocking a historically great 3:1 FA:PT in the ALCS. That’s feature articles:pitches taken.

Oct. 18: Fox vs. Cablevision is like the Yankees-Phillies World Series of corporate disputes.

Oct. 19: Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver guarantees you’ll appreciate the broadcast you hear next. It’s like taking the donut off the bat.

Oct. 28: ALERT: Man in suit proceeding south on 5th ave. on a Segway.

Nov. 1: Will Tim Lincecum’s performance tonight help sway the vote on Prop 19?

Nov. 8: Even though the Giants debunked Moneyball, the Mets have hired Paul DePodesta.

Nov. 16: Charlie Samuels fired today? Dammit, I had Nov. 16 in the pool. Wait – noooooooo!

Nov. 17: It’s laughable that Bud Selig still thinks Abner Doubleday invented baseball. Everyone knows it was Wally Backman.

Nov. 21: Mets hire manager at 3 a.m. Pakistan Standard Time.

Nov. 22: It’s bizarre to me that many Mets fans who argued that Wally Backman has changed seem certain that Terry Collins cannot.

Nov. 28: What kind of party is it, exactly, that could prompt a man to defile the mashed potatoes?

Nov. 29: Apparently a WEEI caller today suggested that the Red Sox pay Derek Jeter $20 mil and bench him behind Marco Scutaro.

Dec. 3: In Colonial Williamsburg, everyone wore tight, tapered knickers and stayed ironically detached from the whole revolution thing.

Dec.6: OK Jets fans, this is awful. But we need to remember one thing: Tom Brady wears man-UGGs.

Dec. 7: Heard this: A mystery team has made a bid for an unspecified player. Terms not disclosed.

Dec. 9: To me, what the Mets are doing this offseason *is* exciting. Extremely so. I could hardly care less what makes headlines.

Dec. 13: Sandy Alderson is so much cooler than Mike Francesa.

Dec. 14: From the Internet today you’d get the impression that the Phillies won’t lose a single game in 2011. C’mon. They’ll lose at least 5.

Dec. 15: Most amazing thing about tonight’s Knicks game: I’ve now watched three straight Knicks games.

DC-area Papa John’s offering 10 free toppings because Ryan Torain rushed for 121 yards in a quarter

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No, I can’t find the rhyme or reason either. For a while, DC-area Domino’s offered one dollar off per pizza per Redskins touchdown, which was nuts when they scored six touchdowns that one time. Do chain pizza places in New York offer deals like this after Jets and Giants games? Could it ever be enough to prompt you to order from a chain pizza place in New York?

Fun fact: Someone in my office building today ordered Domino’s. In Manhattan. It was weird.

And furthermore, are there 10 toppings you’d want on a pizza, together, from Papa John’s? Former roommate Ted Burke suggests “10 times the regular amount of cheese,” which seems reasonable. Looking at the menu, I guess I could go pepperoni, ham, spicy sausage, regular sausage, beef (this is a topping?), bacon, canadian bacon, extra cheese, green peppers and jalapeno peppers. That might be a decent pizza.

Boo these men

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Say what you will about booing the home team, the Jets deserved everything they heard on Sunday.

I’ve always embraced booing as a simple and effective way to express emotion in large crowds. I know some fans think it’s only appropriate to boo their own teams if the team shows a lack of effort, and undoubtedly the Jets were trying on Sunday. Sort of.

But lifeless, unfocused play merits booing too, and there was plenty of that. Boo Mark Sanchez — hard as that is for me to say — for forgetting that Sean Smith was a Dolphins defensive back and not a Jets receiver. Boo the offensive line for not giving Sanchez much time. Boo Rex Ryan for failing to have his team prepared to bounce back after a miserable loss. Boo Brian Schottenheimer for entirely abandoning the run.

About that: It’s true that the Jets weren’t running the ball effectively. But they also weren’t passing the ball effectively, and the Dolphins never had a big enough lead to force the Jets to pass to play catch-up. It was a sloppy day and the ball was wet and everything else, but those conditions are bad for both rushing and passing.

And it seemed like every run play the Jets called was a counter or a draw that took hours to develop. I’m no offensive genius, but when you’ve got a purportedly great line and a couple of purportedly great fullbacks and nothing else is working, seems like you might want to go back to the basics.

The only thing boo-worthy about the Jets’ defense was that they once again failed to have the appropriate number of players on the field in their goal-line package and had to burn a timeout. How many times can that happen?

But it’s an accomplishment for the defense to hold an NFL team to 10 points, even in crappy conditions, when the team is given good field position again and again. And tons of credit should go to Dolphins punter Brandon Fields. How many times the Jets wind up just outside field-goal range on fourth down? If Fields didn’t average 56.4 yards on 10 punts, the Jets probably would have been able to scrap their way to a victory despite the lack of offense.

It’s only one game, coming off another only one game. The Jets sit at 9-4 in a conference that will probably only require 10 wins for the playoffs. So barring a downright Mets-ian collapse, they’ll probably still get in. And once the playoffs start, as we saw last year, it’s at least partly a crapshoot or — more accurately — a contest of which team picks the right time to play its best football.

Forget any of the best-team-in-football talk, though. That was shot after Monday, and should now be buried deep beneath the Meadowlands with Jimmy Hoffa. Certainly, the Jets have the talent and capacity to play like the best team in football for a stretch, but I suspect the same is true of many teams and this one swayed us only by doing so early in the season.

The small, pathetic upside for Jets fans is that the team doesn’t appear to benefit at all from home-field advantage, so a slate of road playoff games might not be the worst thing.