OK, don’t even worry about the context of this 20-second clip from the Today show. Just check out the portrait the Old Spice Guy purportedly painted for Matt Lauer:
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Is it me, or is that painting more than a little reminiscent of Don Berg’s seminal work of Awesomeism, Vin Diesel and Usher Riding Into Battle on a Chariot Pulled By White Tigers?
Oh, Jose. What have you done?
Maybe it’s for the best. This is ours and ours alone:
Angel Pagan was one of my favorite Mets, and upon his departure I meant to write some small tribute to his style. I’ve touched on that a bunch before though: I just appreciated the aesthetics of the way he played baseball, from the loping strides in the outfield to the Michael Jackson thing he does when he grabs his helmet and tucks it toward his shoulder as he retreats back towards a base on pickoff attempts.
But that’s basically all I have to say. I think and hope Pagan will bounce back, and I was getting sort of tired of insisting he would. And when I went to find a picture to accompany a post about Pagan, I found a series of awesome photos of Angel Pagan looking at things that I thought would make for a far more entertaining tribute than anything I could write on few hours’ sleep and with a studio appointment pending.
So here’s Angel Pagan looking at some stormtroopers:
Here’s Angel Pagan looking at Poppy Montgomery from the CBS show Unforgettable:
Here’s Angel Pagan looking at a baseball:
Angel Pagan looking at whatever Marc Anthony told him to look at:
And Angel Pagan looking at his teammates after a walk-off home run:
Remember? Special thanks to Rex Grossman and whoever it was that decided the Redskins needed to throw the ball twice as often as they ran it.
More on Jose Reyes coming whenever it is I figure out if I have anything to say that hasn’t been said better by a million people already. And then probably something coming regardless, because the site’s called TedQuarters.
Photoshop work thanks to reader John, with some finishing touches by your not-humble editor.
Devin Faraci over at Badass Digest presents the Nuclear Taco Sensor Helmet, a jury-rigged version of a beer-dispensing plastic helmet that “measures your sweat, your body temperature and how much you gulp down from the attached water and yogurt bottles to quench your burning mouth” to determine on a scale of No Sweat to Melt Down the spice level of your taco. Go check out the original post to see it in use in a Japanese game show.
Via Emma Span.
Optimistic Mets fan and commenter extraordinaire Ceetar spotted a Tostada on the menu at a shopping mall Taco Bell in Wayne, N.J.
It looks like this:
He reports: “Not missing much. Flat bean burrito basically.” But now we know!
Wayne!
I was talking about Taco Bell with a friend at a party last night, and another guy overheard us and pepped up.
“Are you guys talking about Taco Bell?” he asked. “I consider myself a Taco Bell aficionado.”
NOTE: This is a bad way to engage me at a social gathering if you hope to discuss anything besides Taco Bell within the next half hour. But while I was initially skeptical of this guy’s credentials as a Taco Bell aficionado, it turned out he had the resume to back it up: He soon produced a series of cell-phone photos from the time he ordered 200 tacos and 200 tostadas for some (presumably awesome) party he hosted.
His name is Neeraj and he’s legit. Here’s what his car’s trunk looked like when loaded with delicious, delicious Taco Bell:
What Taco Bell riches!
It turns out he purchased about $180 worth of Taco Bell stuff (there was way more of it in the backseat), disproving the longstanding urban legend that Taco Bell cash registers don’t even operate past the $20 mark. Neeraj said he called in advance to set up his order, which was a little disappointing to me because I like the idea of just rolling up to the drive-thru all like, “200 tacos, please!”
The other obvious issue here — and I’m sure a bunch of East Coast Taco Bell regulars have already raised their eyebrows — is the matter of Tostadas. Neeraj placed his epic Taco Bell order in Dallas, where Tostadas are regular menu items. Denver native Ted Burke reports that they are also on the menu in his hometown.
But as a New York-based Taco Bell enthusiast, I can’t say I’ve ever eaten a Tostada, nor am I even certain one has ever been made publicly available to me. The Tostada is not on Taco Bell’s online menu, but it’s listed on the nutrition facts page.
Is it delicious? Probably. Is it the type of thing they’d be willing to make me at my local Taco Bell even if it’s not on the menu? Maybe. I’ve got to assume it’s made up of all regular Taco Bell stuff, just in some other configuration, since, you know, so is everything at Taco Bell. Are they available at your Taco Bell? Can I have one?
From the Good Phight, via Tina:
The archive has been updated.
Via 
Tedquarters 