Top Thing of 2011 No. 7: We persist

It’s Christmas, and it’s certainly not in the spirit of the day to spend any part of it making fun of anyone else for their religious beliefs. So I’ll lay off those that suggested the world would end — or begin to end — on May 21st of this year, with some small fraction of humanity whisked off to an afterlife and the rest of us left here to suffer as human life on earth came to a triumphant and terrifying demise.

It didn’t happen, and our continued, utterly non-Raptured existence on this planet strikes me as at least the seventh-best thing that happened this year.

Plus, though I may not have ever been seriously worried about the coming Apocalypse, I do appreciate the heads up. The people put up billboards. That’s just good looking out.

It turned out they didn’t have what I believed to be a very convincing case, but in the event that someone does have strong evidence the world is going to end in a couple of weeks, I do want to know about it. I’m a serial procrastinator, and I’m inevitably going to have some crap I need to take care of before End of Days. I’d at least pick up my dry cleaning.

Anyhow, like I said: Didn’t happen this time around. So we get more baseball and fried food, and all the other things that’ll be on this countdown. And maybe that little suggestion of rapture-fear, however unlikely, is good for us every once in a while. There’s a bunch of stuff we should celebrate more often that we probably overlook, and this whole existence is pretty damn fragile. It’s probably not going to end like they said, but asteroids are very real bro.

And I’m out

Remember all those extra off-days I said I had saved up that I need to use before the end of the year? This is another one. I actually just woke up. It’s amazing.

The rest of 2011 should be slow around here, but starting tomorrow I’m going to kick off the now-annual year-end tradition of counting down the TedQuarters Top 10 Things of the Year. For now, enjoy this trailer for Fart Detectives by Brett from SNY’s promos department:

 

Day off

Remember how I said a couple weeks ago about all those remaining off days I have that I need to use up before the new year? No? Well I have them, and this is one of them. Normally I’d cue up a couple more posts or something, but I’ve been spending a lot of time in front of the computer making jokes about Derek Jeter and my back kinda hurts. Plus, you know, it’s my day off:

Scientist bungles Bowie lyrics

What we tried to do, simply, was take almost all of the information we could and put it together and say ‘is the big picture consistent with there being life on Mars?’

Astrobiologist Charlie Lineweaver.

Take a look at the lawmen
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he’ll ever know
He’s in the best-selling show…
Is the big picture consistent with there being life on Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-hharrrrs?

Seriously though, this is a reasonably interesting article right up until this part:

“It’s not important if you want to figure out what the laws of physics are and you want to talk to some intelligent aliens who could build spaceships.”

Oh, nevermind then. I thought we were talking spaceship aliens.

Back to Bowie. Call me when Martians make anything this awesome:

Rats show empathy

Given a choice between eating chocolate alone and rescuing their pals, rats will apparently save their pals and then share the chocolate with them. Trapping a rat in a cage sparks its cagemate into action, as it figures out how to open the cage and liberate its jailed friend. This is an unusual example of rats expressing empathy, a trait thought to be reserved to us higher mammals, the primates.

It’s interesting from an evolutionary perspective, because it suggests that pro-social behaviors originated earlier than previously thought. And it’s interesting from a neuroscience perspective, because it suggests rats are wired for pro-social behaviors, which means they can be used as a model for human behaviors.

Rebecca Boyle, PopSci.com.

So that’s interesting.

Colonel Tillinghast L’Hommedieu Huston

The Yankees once considered making their home on 42nd Street in bustling Midtown, according to a remarkable 1915 letter penned by team co-owner Colonel Tillinghast L’Hommedieu Huston.

A New York auction house just got its mitts on the historical gem — in which Huston, hat-in-hand, begs American League brass to help keep the then-financially struggling franchise afloat.

Huston, on behalf of his business partner, Col. Jacob Ruppert, asked AL President Ban Johnson for a meeting to hash over their plans to build a new stadium on 42nd Street.

David K. Li, N.Y. Post.

Well that’s kind of awesome to consider. I guess the important thing to remember is that it’s not just plopping Yankee Stadium and the 2011 Yankees down on our current conception of 42nd St. Obviously the histories of both Yankee Stadium and Midtown Manhattan since 1915 would have been altered had the team moved.

The letter doesn’t say where on 42nd St. the stadium would have gone. The Wikipedia tells me that in 1915 there were elevated trains crossing 42nd on Second, Third, Sixth and Ninth Avenues. The main branch of the New York Public Library was already at 42nd and 5th. The current incarnation of Grand Central Station went up on 42nd St. in 1913.

I’m out of my element here, but presumably the best place to put a baseball stadium on 42nd St. in 1915 would have been on either where all those new high-rises and old warehousey buildings are on the extreme west side or where the U.N. building is on the extreme east side. Historians?

And I suppose we could extrapolate from there: If the Yankees moved to the west side of Manhattan and still managed to secure Babe Ruth and become a massively successful baseball franchise, maybe Times Square extends all the way west now? I don’t know what that means for the 1980s pre-Disney incarnation of Times Square, when it was all peep shows and street preachers. But then the Yankees weren’t exactly these Yankees in the 1980s either.

If the Yankees moved to the east side, is there a Second Ave. subway line by now? Probably. Actually, you’ve got figure the entire infrastructure of the city would be altered pretty significantly by a baseball stadium placed there in 1915. But then I’m also not an urban planner.

Since we’re talking Yankees owners and New Yorker history, a little bit on a subject in which I am an expert: Me.

My new place is not far from a very small park named for Ruppert, a German whose family owned a brewery on the location. My great-great grandfather Adolph Von Berg — also, believe it or not, a German — worked as a brewmeister at Ruppert Brewery until prohibition.

Adolph, who dropped the “Von” from his last name at some point and forever impacted my middle-school seating assignments, had a son named Eric who contracted scarlet fever and lost his hearing before he learned to speak. Eric learned American Sign Language and Adolph spoke only German, so the father and son only communicated through gestures.

Eric and his wife, who was deaf from having been kicked by a horse in childhood, bestowed upon their third son the unfortunate name “Winfred Millard” — the joke in my family was that they never heard how bad it sounded (though “Win” made for a pretty sweet nickname). Winfred, my grandfather, entered school with very little language and failed kindergarten multiple times. But he grew up to be an engineer and inventor and earned 60-something patents. Plus he was a pretty hilarious dude.

Tensions flaring between burros and lawmen

To state park officials, [Burros] are a destructive, invasive menace that cross over from Mexico with disease, foul streams and threaten native plants and wildlife, and should be eliminated. Park rangers have shot and killed more than 120 of the beasts….

In Alpine, “Burro Friendly” stickers appear in the windows of downtown shops and burro talk buzzes through coffee shops. Last month, more than three dozen people attended a pro-burro rally here. A local rancher brought along Liberty, a 5-month-old, gray-furred rescue burro.

Attendees suggested alternatives to killing burros, including darting and sterilizing them, and read burro-inspired poems.

Rick Jervis, USA Today.

I can practically promise this is the most comprehensive feature you will read today about the escalating tension between pro- and anti-burro factions in Alpine, Texas.

Also, I’d really like to see some of the burro-inspired poetry.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that from “burro” we get “burrito,” the tiny delicious donkey that so frequently captures our imaginations.

For that reason, I think I need to come down on the side of the burro defenders. That and the opportunity to yell, “there are dozens of us!” Save the burros.

Sandwiches as art

With Scanwiches I wanted to celebrate the remarkable qualities of one of my favorite foods, sandwiches. They’re these beautiful and personal objects that are easily forgotten or ignored. They have these architectural qualities, they’re constructed, not just made, that’s cool to me and I wanted to expose their intricacies.

I also love that they hold so many stories. Everybody eats food, and a lot of people eat sandwiches and for every sandwich there is some story.

Sandwiches like the hamburger tell us about the shaping of a nation. Individual sandwiches can jog a long-forgotten childhood memory like the smell of 3rd grade or that time we puked in the cafeteria in kindergarten. Deeply personal and important stories hide between those layers of bread.

Jon Chonko.

This, so hard. The Scanwiches exhibit at JS55 just catapulted to the top of my list of things to see in New York in the coming weeks. I’ll certainly report back.

Via dpecs.

The Nuclear Taco Sensor Helmet revealed

Devin Faraci over at Badass Digest presents the Nuclear Taco Sensor Helmet, a jury-rigged version of a beer-dispensing plastic helmet that “measures your sweat, your body temperature and how much you gulp down from the attached water and yogurt bottles to quench your burning mouth” to determine on a scale of No Sweat to Melt Down the spice level of your taco. Go check out the original post to see it in use in a Japanese game show.

Via Emma Span.