Chad Ochocinco gave what Dan Graziano called “what may have been the greatest midweek opposing player conference call in NFL history” yesterday.

Sam Borden explains why the “pending physical” bit actually means something in the Jason Bay signing.

David Waldstein at the Times writes the definitive Jason Bay reaction piece, remembering previous Canadian Mets and investigating whether Bay could be baseball’s greatest Canadian hitter.

I thought we already settled this. Send Bruce Willis.

Pam Anderson can focus on making movies with Tommy Lee, David Hasselhoff can get drunk and eat cheeseburgers, and Yasmine Bleeth can disappear into obscurity: Bay Watch is over. I’ll have more in a bit, but for now, enjoy what Sam Page and Keith Law have to say.

Darrelle Revis and Chad Ochocinco’s Twitter war is escalating. I love Ochocinco, as has been well-documented, but Darrelle Revis is going to shut down his entire account, I bet. Kudos to the Daily News for the “Revis and Butt-head” headline.

This kid goes to Susan Sarandon’s Ping-Pong club and takes Ping-Pong way too seriously. At every mall in China — and there are a ton of mall in China — there are little kids getting uber-serious Ping-Pong lessons from pros. It seems way less fun when there’s yelling involved, unless it’s the type of hilarious yelling I do when I’m losing at Ping-Pong.

Great story in the Times about Buddy Bailey, an American who has caught on as a baseball manager in Venezuela.

Mike Francesa will have a “major, major update” on the Mets today. Joe Janish takes some stabs at what that could mean.

MGL continues his exhaustive study of aging in baseball. It’s long, and mostly confirms what you probably would have guessed, but definitely worth a read.

Howard Medgal likes the Kelvim Escobar signing.

You’re damn right dinosaurs shot venom. Now I just want to find out about the eyeball lasers, then I’ll be able to confirm once and for all how awesome dinosaurs were.

Has SNY.tv got you covered for Javier Vazquez analysis? Yes, yes it does: Tom Boorstein, Cliff Corcoran, Steve Lombardi. Sam Borden coming soon.

Speaking of this here Web empire, Howard Megdal wrote a good piece on the Mets’ offseason on Monday.

Carlos Delgado has suffered a setback.

Darrelle Revis is probably covering you right now.

Apparently TMZ is starting a sports site. Just the thought gives me a headache.

The Mets either are or aren’t considering bringing back Pedro Martinez. More to follow, for sure.

Sam Page lobby for Mark DeRosa.

Ryota Igarashi signed with the Mets because he’s looking for a “team to proceed to the World Series.” I’m guessing something got lost in translation somewhere.

An 86-year-old female former pro wrestler kissed Johnny Damon last night at Monday Night Raw. Damon said he was happy to show the world that the old and frail could still be attractive, at least to an 86-year-old woman.

Busy morning for me. Today’s links come with hat tips to Amazin’ Avenue, Deadspin and Can’t Stop the Bleeding.

Phil Mushnick says Jose Reyes should have dressed nicer for his radio interview on WFAN. Yeah, I know it was simulcast on YES, but still. The only reasonable response to that interview was realizing how awesome Jose Reyes still is.

Keith Hernandez uses Strat-O-Matic cards to guide his analysis. Awesome.

Turns out sleep is still really important to body function. I had so much trouble getting my SAT students to believe that, back in the day.

Your first investment with Wu-Tang Financial? Obviously the Shaolin Temple.

Mike D’Antoni said he’d “play Satan himself” if it helped the Knicks win. Donnie Walsh replied that he’d acquire Satan himself if he had an expiring contract. Unfortunately, contracts with Satan never expire.

Craig Calcaterra has an interesting theory about Jason Bay’s mystery bidder. It’s a bit out there, but the dots certainly connect.

Bob Raissman beats a drum I’ve hit myself a few times. Good for him for calling out newspapers, since I assume he means his own.

Buster Olney unironically uses the term “base-clogger” to describe Nick Johnson. The Mets won’t have too much trouble with clogged bases from the bottom of this lineup. Cliff Corcoran drops all sorts of logic while weighing in on the Johnson signing at Bronx Banter.

A breakthrough led to “a high level of serious hysteria” at a theoretical physics workshop. I have to imagine that looked at least a little bit like this:

“Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto! You’re beautiful!”

John Madden is living like a total baller. “Before him, nine 63-inch TV monitors flanked a 16-foot-by-9-foot screen, all provided free by DirecTV.” Sign me up.

Glenn Beck apparently made a good point about football helmets. Dashiell Bennett’s recap at Deadspin means you don’t have to watch it.

Joe Posnanski makes an exhaustive and convincing Hall of Fame case for Tim Raines. Bonus points for titling it “Make it Raines.”

I agree with Matt Cerrone and Eric Simon. Like I said yesterday, the Mets have not done anything to damage the team yet this offseason, no matter what the papers say.

I keep forgetting that Jose Reyes will ever play again. Sweet.

Will Carroll at Baseball Prospects passes along a fascinating video.

I love this. I absolutely love this. The media creates a bugaboo: Tony Bernazard is the source of all the Mets’ problems. Then the media gets Tony Bernazard (rightfully) fired, the Mets don’t magically improve, and now the media wonders if the Mets would be better off if they still had Tony Bernazard.

Sam Page examines the metrics surrounding Jeff Francoeur’s defense. Sam’s a lot more optimistic than I am, but I think mostly the research speaks to how we don’t have anything like a perfect defensive metric yet.

A lot of help from Repoz at the Baseball Think Factory today.

John Harper deems yesterday “Black Monday” for the Mets, details why the Mets were never really in on John Lackey or Roy Halladay, suggests that no players will come to the Mets because they suck so much, then, I think, alludes to the fact that the Mets should focus on improving their farm system. I’m with him on that last part.

Jonathan Mayo at MLB.com wrestles with the idea of allowing MLB teams to trade their draft picks. When it’s time for a new collective bargaining agreement in 2011, I have a feeling the whole draft system, and slotting system, and draft-pick compensation system is in for an overhaul.

Alex Belth pens a requiem for Hideki Matsui’s time in the Bronx, and alludes to Matsui’s massive porn collection. According to some reports, he has 55,000 adult videos, meaning he could give a way a porn tape to every single fan at a sold-out game at the new Yankee Stadium and still have enough left over to watch a different one every day for the next seven years. Simply put, Hideki Matsui rivals the Internet in porno ownership.