Stories/things I have no interest in going anywhere near: Brett Favre’s junk

So sounds like Deadspin is going to produce some naked photos of Brett Favre tomorrow, which should at least clear up once and for all if he’s just like a little kid out there.

I reserve the right to continue making stupid and/or tasteless jokes about the matter, but the only embarrassing picture of Brett Favre I’m really interested in seeing is the reaction shot after his fourth interception on Monday night.

Not a lot of big breaking news here. Professional athletes (and many other people) cheat on their significant others? Shocker. Brett Favre’s a big, fat liar and a manipulator of media types? Nothing new there, either. Even Brett Favre’s passes at women get intercepted? Hey-oh.

Jets buffalo Buffalo

Well this was an embarrassing one:

Wait, no, I meant for the Bills. Embarrassing for the Bills.

It’s not good when a team gets lucky to lose 38-17, but that’s pretty much what happened to Buffalo yesterday. It’s hard to remember a more one-sided NFL game of recent vintage.

For a while, it seemed like Brian Schottenheimer got so excited that everything he was calling was working that he actually started calling everything, which got a bit frustrating. No real need to go with the Seminole-offense reverse option that takes five seconds to develop and goes for two yards when every dive up the middle nets seven.

But that’s really only a minor quibble — the Jets’ offense steamrolled a miserable Bills defense, maintaining possession for just over 40 of the game’s 60 minutes, and even getting the much-maligned Joe McKnight his first four NFL carries.

The Bills did manage to score twice despite almost never having the ball, but it’s hard to get too concerned about the Jets’ defense when nearly half Buffalo’s offense came from desperate Ryan Fitzpatrick scrambles.

Also, it’s crazy to think that the Jets have played the whole season without arguably their best past rusher and the past two and a half games without the best cornerback in the NFL. Are they really getting both Calvin Pace and Darrelle Revis back for next week, and Santonio Holmes to boot?

It’s getting hard to keep expectations tempered. This might be a really good football team. And just look at Mark Sanchez:

Previewing Jets-Bills with Brian Bassett

Mike Salfino is very bullish on the Jets’ chances this weekend. I worry that the Bills put up 30 points against the Pats last Sunday, but as Brian points out in the video above, that’s more about New England than the Bills, which is doubly awesome news.

I’ll be TiVoing this game so no one tell me what happens.

Mark Sanchez mixing metaphors handsomely

“Hey, did you see your picture in the (paper)?” Sanchez asked.

“Which one?” Keller said.

“The answer is ‘No!'” Sanchez shot back. “You can’t read it, man. It’s poison. Don’t look.”

On a team filled with chest-thumping, ear-splitting bravado, Sanchez has rerouted his course: He’s not patting himself on the back after two consecutive stellar weeks.

“My line to everyone in the building is, ‘Every trash can gets a steak,'” Sanchez said Wednesday. “I don’t buy into it. I don’t want to take the cheese.”

Manish Mehta, N.Y. Daily News.

Every garbage can gets a steak, so Mark Sanchez is not taking the cheese. Don’t doubt him; it makes perfect sense. Also I’m open to the possibility that Mark Sanchez said a whole bunch of brilliant stuff in between the garbage can thing and the cheese thing that just got cut out from the Daily News write-up, including some sort of poetic allusion to a mousetrap that made the cheese part of it fit seamlessly.

Also, maybe you should reconsider that whole cheese thing, Mark Sanchez. Delicious cheese, right there for the taking!

And furthermore, Dustin Keller: Mark Sanchez totally fooled you! You did not see that coming. He’s cagey, that fellow.

Jets overcome injuries, penalties, widespread charges of moral turpitude to beat Dolphins, 31-23

Hooray Mark Sanchez:

Another good game for our Taco Bell-loving hero, though Sanchez was not quite as sharp as he was against New England. He got away with a Bubby Brister-esque ill-conceived shovel pass that should have been a momentum-shifting interception, for one. But he found Dustin Keller until the Dolphins decided to start covering him, so that was good. A better game on paper — 256 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs — than in reality for the Sanchise, perhaps, but a good game nonetheless.

I won’t be around to recap this one with Brian Bassett, which is a shame because I’d be interested to see what he had to say about the Jets’ defense. I thought some of the secondary — most notably Kyle Wilson — looked pretty rough, really missing Darrelle Revis.

And it was hard to say if the Dolphins’ o-line played great or the Jets just couldn’t get any sort of consistent pressure on Chad Henne, but it seemed like they were coming at Miami with a bunch of different looks and blitzes and couldn’t get much penetration. Chris Collinsworth said they were pulling guys out of the pass rush to add more in coverage, but I almost felt like it was the other way around — the Jets moved more guys into coverage because the pass-rush was ineffective.

Regardless, a good win over a heretofore undefeated division rival on the road.

Does anybody care?

This is where it’s at for the Jets as they prepare for an appearance under the bright lights of NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.” If reputation means anything, it’s a precarious position to be in. In terms of NFL regular-season platforms, none is bigger. The Jets’ mission, obviously, is to beat Miami. They have some control over that.

What no one in the organization can control – not Ryan, Woody Johnson nor Mike Tannenbaum – is how NBC will portray the team during nearly four hours encompassing a pregame show and the game itself.

When the tilt is over, how will America view the Jets?

Will the team’s image take a further beating?

Bob Raissman, N.Y. Daily News.

Follow-up question: Who cares?

Look: DWI is a stupid thing to do and it sure seems like everyone involved knows that by now, or at least says they do. But since when have the Jets — the Rex Ryan, middle-finger Jets — cared about the way America viewed them?

And even if they did, what difference does it make?

The first two pages of the Daily News’ sports coverage were dedicated to more coverage of Braylon Edwards’ crime, the top half to Woody Johnson’s disappointment over the incident — he’s disappointed!? No! I thought he’d be thrilled! — and the bottom half to Mike Lupica’s disappointment with due process and the nature of the American judicial system.

There’s also Raissman’s page, with this screed wondering how NBC will choose to portray the Jets, two pages of fantasy-football advice that could be ripped straight from the pages of Duh! Magazine — stay away from Reggie Bush?! — and a Jets notebook piece mostly dedicated to the Edwards thing but with one item about Mike Nolan’s new defense in Miami:

There is a notable difference in the approach of the Dolphins defense. Mike Nolan was hired on as defensive coordinator and has instilled his aggressive 3-4 sets to unsettle opposing quarterbacks with cornerback blitzes and varying packages.

“I’m still going to try to beat him like he stole something,” Ryan said of his former co-worker with the Baltimore Ravens.

Last week, Nolan’s unit forced four turnovers (three interceptions, one lost fumble) against the Vikings and the week before limited the Bills to 166 yards of total offense.

Wait! That only gets like two inches and there’s a whole page speculating about what Bob Costas might say about Braylon Edwards? I want to hear more about that. That’s actual football stuff! I haven’t seen the Dolphins at all this year, and I had no idea they were running a different defense.

And look, I know all about how Raissman’s paid to be a media critic, and all the other writers at the Daily News are just doing their jobs, selling papers. I get it. I’m certain if we had more content streaming in here at SNY.tv I’d be begging columnists for more Braylon coverage, more Jets, the people want Jets, it drives traffic.

I just fantasize about a utopia in which I could spend my morning commute reading about actual football stuff.