Twitter Q&A-style product

Maybe going to the well too often with this feature, but here we go again:

People ask me some form of this question a lot. Usually it’s just Chipotle vs. Taco Bell. Here’s my thing: Do I have to pick one?

As far as I’m concerned, Chipotle, Baja Fresh and Qdoba are one thing and Taco Bell is a totally different thing. Taco Bell is faster, cheaper, and fast-foodier. Taco Bell falls in the same category, I think, as regional taco chains like Taco John’s, Del Taco and Taco Time, none of which hold a candle to Taco Bell. Taco Time, in particular, sucks. Del Taco is OK but most of its allure is in its lack of East Coast availability.

Like Taco Bell, Chipotle is also awesome. I find it consistently better than QDoba and Baja Fresh though I’ll admit that my exposure to the latter is limited. Also, one time I filmed a short movie I never actually edited in a Chipotle in Virginia, and the people were totally cool about us setting up a tripod in there and such. The movie was to be called, “Burrito, Interrupted.”

No, not unless Jason Statham’s career takes a big left turn somewhere. I saw The Mechanic the other day. It wasn’t his best. I feel like — and this I honestly believe, I’m not just saying it because he’s an awesome ass-kicking machine — Statham is better than a lot of his movies at this point. The writing in The Mechanic was so awful, predictable and wooden that it almost felt like Statham was being sarcastic half the time. And while some of the sequences were reasonably awesome, there was never that edge-of-your-seat celebration of motion and explosion and the human capacity to process rapid-fire images that I’ve come to associate with great contemporary action movies, so the whole thing was a bit of a letdown.

I’ve said this before, but I think Jason Statham should play Bond. I know he’s not quite as polished as the traditional tuxedo’d Roger Moore Bond guy but there’s got to be a reason the newer Bond movies all suck, and I suspect it has something to do with the producers being slow to grasp the reality of the modern badass action hero. Now for your brother:

Yup, I even applied. I had no clips and had never produced anything scripted besides my sketch comedy show in college, so I cranked out 50 pages’ worth of screenplay a couple days before I had to send in the application. It sucked and I didn’t get in. I’d like very much to write a sitcom someday, but that’s not an easy field to break into.You know what? This might be heresy but I don’t think either of them has particularly great hair. Please don’t tell them I said this, but Polamalu’s is a frizzy mop and Matthews’ is a stringy mess. I don’t understand why long and unkempt is equated with good. You can’t just grow out any old head of hair and expect people to revere it. Now Mark Sanchez, that’s good hair. Laurence Maroney has good hair too. But obviously Joe Namath is the standard-bearer for NFL hair.

Fun fact: I had longish hair coming out the back of my football helmet as a sophomore in high school. Not like Clay Matthews long, just like, I don’t know, Jeremy Shockey long. I looked like an idiot.

I’ve actually tackled this before. The caveat is that I’d have to be an awesome hitter and/or reliever, or else the songs don’t sound nearly as cool. But my walk-up music would be the section starting at the 1:25 mark in Ozomatli’s Super Bowl Sundae, and my closer music would be Dr. Dre’s Keep Their Heads Ringin (lyrics NSFW), though I’d obviously have to use a radio edit. But I will say I also think the Ave Maria would be a particularly badass choice for a completely dominant fireball closer, because I think it’d be completely terrifying to hear such a beautiful song being pumped through the stadium P.A. while a guy threw 98-mph warmup tosses, sounding the death knell for your chances of winning.

Plaxico Burress: Do it

The Giants’ official, on-the-record position on Burress, as spoken through Reese, has never changed from the moment he was sent away to prison. They simply won’t publicly rule out a possible return. That doesn’t mean that they’re readying for his return or that’s the reason why they’ve yet to give out his old No. 17. Reese doesn’t rule anything out. He investigates everything. And he’d be crazy to rule out any player, not knowing what the future holds.

However, if you are for some reason holding out hope for a Burress return next season — if there is a next season — there are some other factors to consider. The biggest one may be that Giants officials, off the record, are much more leery of Burress II than Reese’s public stance would indicate. It’s not that they’re against second chances or feel that he’s somehow irredeemable. It’s about a host of other factors, including these:

Ralph Vacchiano, N.Y. Daily News.

Vacchiano lists the reasons the Giants won’t and probably shouldn’t re-sign Plaxico Burress once he’s out of jail. They include: He’s old, he’s a distraction, he violated a bunch of team rules even before he shot himself, and they’re happy with their crew of young receivers.

That all seems to make sense. But I can see none of those things precluding the Jets from pursuing Burress this offseason, assuming the lockout eventually ends and any team ever pursues any player this offseason. Under Rex Ryan and Mike Tannenbaum, the Jets have frequently looked to find value from aging stars on short-term deals late in their careers.

Plus, they’ve welcomed players labeled distractions or reputed to have “character” issues — Braylon Edwards, Santonio Holmes, Antonio Cromartie, Joe McKnight — and mostly met with success.

Assuming the Jets will not have the funds to return both Edwards and Holmes, Burress might make a nice, big, inexpensive target for Mark Sanchez in the 2011 season. So I say do it.

There is power in union

Great read. This is why NFL players get crushed in every negotiating session. Because of this twisted mindset that leads players with no facts to question another player’s toughness. Because they think this guy who can’t walk to risk his career/livelihood to live up to some macho standard.

Goodell must have loved reading those tweets. This is the group that’s going to stay together when it comes to missing paychecks?

– Non-banned-Ryan, comments section.

This is an excellent observation, and one I didn’t consider when linking the Cutler piece to which Ryan responded. Antonio Cromartie’s Tweets from last week only amplify the point.

What is it about the NFL that fosters such a self-destructive culture? The NFL players should have some obvious negotiating leverage in the upcoming collective-bargaining talks: They’re the ones with the size, the strength, the absurd athleticism, and the elite talent upon which the league has become a multi-billion-dollar industry.

And yet you just know that as soon as the owners and players start discussing the terms of an 18-game season, one group of players will (rightfully) point out how much more danger the extra games present to the players and argue that they should be handsomely remunerated for it, and another group will Tweet things like: “u cant handle 2 more games ur a pansy bro.” Even all the current whispers from players about not wanting to miss games can’t help.

The owners are going to lock out the players because they want to profit more. The players need to show some solidarity, put aside the bravado and demand that if they are going to be asked to play more games they get more money, more guaranteed money and better long-term health benefits in return.

Some stuff about Ben Roethlisberger

For the marquee attraction of media day is Ben Roethlisberger. The Steelers’ quarterback will again face questions about his four-game suspension for violating the NFL’s personal conduct policy resulting from an alleged sexual assault on a drunk, underage coed in the bathroom of a Georgia nightclub. This was his first step on his road back to Super Bowl glory. These questions and the way Roethlisberger answers them – or doesn’t – will be another part of the alleged redemption process. It’s not like Roethlisberger hasn’t had to answer questions on this subject before. The difference here is the interview is not being conducted in a police station or some locker room. Tuesday’s session will be held on the biggest of all stages inside Cowboys Stadium. And unlike situations where he’s strictly dealing with football media, the interlopers Golic dismissed will be asking questions about Roethlisberger’s controversial, sleazy past. “That’s why he needs to show regret, but determination as well,” said a public relations executive who counsels athletes and media honchos. “He has a chance to reach a wider audience. He needs to be humble and respectful.”

Bob Raissman, N.Y. Daily News.

The thesis of Raissman’s column, I’m pretty sure, is: The way Ben Roethlisberger responds to media inquiries today about his alleged sexual assault of a 20-year-old girl in March will show whether he has learned a lesson from all the fallout from that event.

So begins an inevitable week-long what-the-f**k-athon, in which sports reporters everywhere feel obligated to mention Roethlisberger’s recent history, but carefully avoid coming right out and calling him a rapist since, as we know, he was ultimately not charged with anything besides violating the NFL’s nebulous personal-conduct policy.

It is hard to fault the columnists in this case. Roethlisberger is the quarterback on a Super Bowl-bound team. If they ignored the pesky detail of his sexual-assault charge wholesale, we’d accuse them of whitewashing their coverage, of ignorance, and maybe of some subtle racism too. But if they assume guilt where the courts and cops could not prove it, they sidle up toward libel, and that’s also bad.

So we’re left with suggestions that the way Roethlisberger handles the media during Super Bowl week has any bearing at all on how he now feels about, or what he may have learned from his alleged misbehavior, even though it doesn’t. And implications that if he helps the Steelers win the Super Bowl, Roethlisberger will redeem himself to the city of Pittsburgh, even though no one ever claimed he raped Pittsburgh.

Unlike the standard NFL offseason marijuana-possession arrest, the crime for which Roethlisberger was detained and questioned had a real victim, a college student that — without recanting her accusation — asked the district attorney not to pursue charges against the quarterback out of concern for her own privacy.

And so it’s somewhere between puzzling and terrible that the same media types that have no trouble drumming up sanctimony over allegations of performance-enhancing drug use tread lightly around similar sentiments when covering a guy accused of sexual assault. I’m not one for sweeping value judgments, but I can say without hesitation that rape is worse than using steroids. Way, way, way worse.

Again, we don’t know what Roethlisberger did or didn’t do in Milledgeville, Georgia. We know there is a lot of evidence and a group of eyewitnesses that suggest he attempted to either intimidate or force a drunk girl into having sex with him. It is an act and a behavior that lies so far outside the boundaries of sport that it’s plain absurd to expect the outcome of a game — no matter how big — or the content of an interview to demonstrate anything meaningful about the perpetrator’s past and future conduct and lifestyle.

But I suppose that doesn’t make for a good story or a compelling column.

Dawson’s week

I can’t say I’m all too worked up about the upcoming balloting for the football Hall of Fame. It’d be cool if Curtis Martin got in because he was a great Jet and all.

But if I had to come out in support of one candidate, there’s no doubt whom I’d pick: Dermontti Dawson, the former Steelers center. Got to give the linemen some.

Dawson made seven straight Pro Bowls in the 90s. He wasn’t big by the standards set for NFL offensive linemen, but he had great feet, he positioned himself perfectly and he always seemed among the smartest players on the field. By the latter part of the decade, the Steelers relied on Dawson to pull and serve as lead blocker on most of their sweeps and screens — rare for a center.

Since I did the same in high school (also in the late 90s), I emulated Dawson as best as I could. Needless to say, I wasn’t as good.