Excellent. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but I am a big fan of all the South American camelids. I cannot look at a llama without giggling uncontrollably.
Also, she’s going to google alpacas this evening. Heh.
I have nothing. But I know there are a lot of readers who come here just for up-to-the-minute cockfighting news, so I don’t want to let this story slip by.
I’m assuming this was staged, but it really doesn’t make it that much less awesome. I am a big fan of playing it as it lies in mini golf, and I’ve gotten pretty good at chipping back onto the green when my ball skips over the boundary and whatever.
It’s a loophole for the athlete – turning drug tests into intelligence tests. You have to be stupid to fail one. The benefits of deer antler – or more specifically the substance IGF-1 that comes from it – are clear. IGF-1 is banned by everyone.
“It’s one of the proteins that is increased in human growth hormone … it’s considered performance-enhancing,” Danaceau said.
“It’s similar to HGH in that it aids in recovery. It helps build tissue, and strengthen tissue – more than you can ever do by training alone. Any preparation that is not naturally occurring is banned. Taking IGF-1 through deer antler is banned as well.”
This story comes via Craig Calcaterra: Apparently pro athletes are spraying freeze-dried ground-up liquefied deer antlers into their mouths as a performance enhancer. And some lab director who works with the World Anti-Doping Agency is certain that this is bad.
I have many questions.
First of all, who the f@#$ thought to grind up deer antlers and turn the powder into mouth spray to be sold to professional athletes for $68 a bottle? Damn. That’s a living if I’ve ever heard of one.
Second, before we go about banning it and getting all sanctimonious, do we even know it works? I mean, are any international anti-doping agencies investigating the use of those silly Phiten necklaces?
(Hey, everyone: I’ve got an amazing new diet potion for you. It’s crystal clear and it tastes just like water, but if you combine it with an exercise regimen and a strict, low-calorie diet I guarantee you will lose weight! And now it can be yours for only $10 a bottle. Call me!)
And even if spraying ground-up liquefied deer antler into your mouth really does help you recover faster from injuries, why exactly should that be illegal? By Danaceau’s definition, it’s because it’s “not naturally occurring.” But are 3,000-calorie protein shakes “naturally occurring”? Vitamin pills? Tommy John surgery?
I guess the point is, if there’s no evidence that something is dangerous or even at all effective, I don’t understand why we assume it’s bad. Plus, athletes are perpetually going to be one step ahead of the testing.
Yes, it’s important for sports’ governing bodies to enforce restrictions on drugs — or anything, really — that endanger their athletes. But those efforts would probably be a lot more effective if they educated their athletes about exactly how the products jeopardize their health, and if there’s no evidence that they do, then I don’t understand what’s exactly wrong with them.
First, do we really consider the chicken our friend? If so, it can’t be mutual. We eat their eggs for breakfast. Also, does he mean “money” like “you’re so money,” like in Swingers, or does he mean pigeons were once actually used as currency?
I’ve got Christmas shopping and an upcoming vacation on the mind, and I’m struggling a bit to come up with anything to write about. But I’m vain enough to reprint things I’ve already published, and I figured revisiting the year via a selection of my own Tweets would make for a decent year-in-review post. Problem is, I can’t find a way to see any Twitter before May 26. So indulge me in a partial year in Tweets:
May 26: Oh thank god. I was concerned Fernando Nieve wouldn’t get in this game. #youhavetwomopupguysforjustthissituation
June 1: I am embarrassed and terrified by how few of NY Mag’s 101 Best Sandwiches in NY I’ve had. Looks like I’ve got a long night ahead.
June 3: ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE JIM JOYCE!
June 4: An A-ball team is now calling batting practice “hitting rehearsal” to avoid calling it “BP.” That’ll teach ’em.
June 7: Prediction: Some guys drafted tonight will turn out good and others will suck.
June 11: You can scold Lady Gaga for wearing a bikini bottom to the Mets game, but you’re just jealous she can get away with never wearing pants.
June 15: Painter Thomas Kinkade was arrested for DUI Friday on an idyllic cobblestone road by the charming old lighthouse at dusk.
June 18: Campbell’s is recalling 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s. In a related story, there are 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s.
June 24: Obviously Johan Santana sucks now because he had extramarital sex with a woman on a golf course eight months ago.
June 30: Me, after filming five intros: “Does being introduced as ‘Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner’ ever get old?” Kiner: “How could that ever get old?”
July 4: Jeff Francoeur, who has a .718 OPS, said all the Mets OFs deserve playing time upon Beltran’s return since none is “flat-out sucking.”
July 8: Funniest outcome: LeBron James announces he’s signing with Olympiacos then suffers career-threatening finger injury while flipping everyone off.
July 16: Source: The Yanks would like to have Joakim Soria, distinguising them from all those teams that would not like to have Joakim Soria.
July 20: When managing an MLB roster, the most important thing to know is never, ever risk losing Fernando Nieve on waivers. Too risky!
July 23: Jason Bay has struggled all season, presumably because of something Carlos Beltran did.
July 29: Source: Adam Dunn is lazy, but won’t DH because he hates baseball so much he wants to torment it with terrible defense.
Aug. 5: Are we discounting the possibility that Brett Favre’s photos were actually aimed for his wife and intercepted?
Aug. 6: Why do crappy baseball teams lack the confidence that the good ones have? The world may never know.
Aug. 9: According to Alex Cora, if a team is committed to winning now, it should hang on to Alex Cora.
Aug. 12: Heath Bell leads the National League in saves, but he’s dead last in old men beaten up.
Aug. 16: Jerseyites always get all dodgy when you ask them about Taylor Ham, a local meat product. Be honest, Jersey: Is it people?
Aug. 21: I saw Wyclef Jean in concert once. It was awful. I left thinking, “I hope that man is never a head of state.” #votepras
Aug. 25: Look I know Jeff Francoeur hasn’t had a hit in two months, but please, give him credit: He’s had some really long at-bats.
Aug. 31: Will the media hordes follow Jeff Francoeur and his pursuit of 100 home runs to Texas?
Sept. 1: Don’t forget: Tommy Hanson and his longtime family friends will deny it, but he’s totally cousins with the band Hanson.
Sept. 5: Mets steaming as clubhouse cancer Mike Pelfrey draws ire for fantasy football grandstanding. “Thinks he’s John Madden,” grumbles one.
Sept. 5: My biggest regret is that I lived nearly 30 years without knowing about the sandwich I just ate. Holy hell. Everything is different now.
Sept. 10: Carlos Beltran should not have torn Johan Santana’s left anterior shoulder capsule.
Sept. 13: Paraphrasing Daily News: Jets should not have objectified this extremely sexy bombshell reporter. WITH SEXY PHOTOS!
Sept. 15: Pretty sure every single person at Citi Field is on the line at Shake Shack.
Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”
Sept. 27: Jets overcome injuries, penalties, widespread charges of moral turpitude to beat Dolphins, 31-23.
Oct. 3: Not sure why people are so fired up about Dickey pitching here. Doesn’t crack the top 1000 dumbest Mets moves this season.
Oct. 6: I think maybe Cee Lo Green is going to unify the planet in utopian harmony the way we thought Wyld Stallyns would.
Oct. 9: Knowing that Mariano Rivera has been to Taco Bell is like knowing that the Beatles met Muhammad Ali. Historic confluence of awesome.
Oct. 13: An errant dart just struck an unopened soda can and sent a stream of ginger ale shooting across the office. It was awesome.
Oct. 16: Jeff Francoeur’s rocking a historically great 3:1 FA:PT in the ALCS. That’s feature articles:pitches taken.
Oct. 18: Fox vs. Cablevision is like the Yankees-Phillies World Series of corporate disputes.
Oct. 19: Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver guarantees you’ll appreciate the broadcast you hear next. It’s like taking the donut off the bat.
Oct. 28: ALERT: Man in suit proceeding south on 5th ave. on a Segway.
Nov. 1: Will Tim Lincecum’s performance tonight help sway the vote on Prop 19?
Nov. 8: Even though the Giants debunked Moneyball, the Mets have hired Paul DePodesta.
Nov. 16: Charlie Samuels fired today? Dammit, I had Nov. 16 in the pool. Wait – noooooooo!
Nov. 17: It’s laughable that Bud Selig still thinks Abner Doubleday invented baseball. Everyone knows it was Wally Backman.
Nov. 21: Mets hire manager at 3 a.m. Pakistan Standard Time.
Nov. 22: It’s bizarre to me that many Mets fans who argued that Wally Backman has changed seem certain that Terry Collins cannot.
Nov. 28: What kind of party is it, exactly, that could prompt a man to defile the mashed potatoes?
Nov. 29: Apparently a WEEI caller today suggested that the Red Sox pay Derek Jeter $20 mil and bench him behind Marco Scutaro.
Dec. 3: In Colonial Williamsburg, everyone wore tight, tapered knickers and stayed ironically detached from the whole revolution thing.
Dec.6: OK Jets fans, this is awful. But we need to remember one thing: Tom Brady wears man-UGGs.
Dec. 7: Heard this: A mystery team has made a bid for an unspecified player. Terms not disclosed.
Dec. 9: To me, what the Mets are doing this offseason *is* exciting. Extremely so. I could hardly care less what makes headlines.
Dec. 13: Sandy Alderson is so much cooler than Mike Francesa.
Dec. 14: From the Internet today you’d get the impression that the Phillies won’t lose a single game in 2011. C’mon. They’ll lose at least 5.
Dec. 15: Most amazing thing about tonight’s Knicks game: I’ve now watched three straight Knicks games.
The game show “Jeopardy!” will pit man versus machine this winter in a competition that will show how successful scientists are in creating a computer that can mimic human intelligence.
Two of the venerable game show’s most successful champions — Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter — will play two games against “Watson,” a computer program developed by IBM’s artificial intelligence team. The matches will be spread over three days that will air Feb. 14-16, the game show said on Tuesday.
– David Baulder, Associated Press.
Awe-some. Finally, someone has thought to combine two of my favorite things: Jeopardy! and human-robot competition.
You may remember Watson from this post in June. At that point, Watson was still prone to prolonged bouts of answering “Tommy Lee Jones” to clues that had nothing to do with him. I really hope that happens again in the televised version, because computer malfunction is eminently more hilarious when it suggests the computer’s fascination with Tommy Lee Jones.
Also, if by some chance the correct response to every single answer in all three days of Jeopardy! play is “Tommy Lee Jones,” then you know the fix is in.
As of June the computer didn’t appear ready to beat the upper echelon of human competitors, so unless IBM has made some adjustments, smart money’s on Jennings or Rutter.
Of course, I imagine the computer has a reasonable advantage when it comes to betting in Final Jeopardy!, since presumably it has got some sort of matrix to determine the optimal bet given the amount of money it has relative to its opponents. At least I hope it has that. I always wish that existed when I pause the show before Final Jeopardy! and try to determine how each contestant should bet.
It would be kind of awesome if Rutter and Jennings had to conspire to beat the thing in the last round, though I guess that wouldn’t be in the spirit of competition. And it would be even more awesome if, as I suggested in June, Jennings uses the last bit of life in his battered body to scribble the correct Final Jeopardy! response, takes his last breath after learning he has defeated the machine, then is commemorated in folklore forever.
I mean, that would suck for him. But it’d make for a really good story.
Finally, it would be hilarious if all the conventional introductions and mid-game banter extend to the machine. “A computer from Hawthorne, New York: Watson.” Then at the break it tells Alex about the crazy time it got lost in Paris or something.
The falloff could have far-reaching consequences beyond the beginning of the end for an American tradition, hunting enthusiasts say. With fewer hunters, there is less revenue for a multibillion-dollar industry and government conservation efforts.
“As paradoxical as it may seem, if hunting were to disappear, a large amount of the funding that goes to restore all sorts of wildlife habitat, game and nongame species alike, would disappear,” said Steve Sanetti, the president of the National Shooting Sports Foundation.
Hunting generates billions in retail sales and pumps hundreds of millions of dollars into government conservation efforts annually through license sales and federal taxes on firearms and ammunition sales.
Interesting read. Turns out big-money hunting industry funnels money back into conservation efforts, and I guess that makes sense: hunting is a great way to convene with nature and then shoot at it.
Again, and for the hunting enthusiasts that will inevitably find this post and comment on it: I have no moral issue with hunting, it’s just not for me. I will say, though, that if people aren’t going to hunt anymore, then someone’s going to need to do something about the deer population eventually.
In my neck of the woods, there are deer — and dead deer — everywhere. A deer-on-car accident is a massive lose-lose. Messes up your car, quite possibly messes up you, and messes up the deer most of all. I see ’em off on the side of the road and it scares the hell out of me.
Noel Murray of the Onion’s AV Club asks, “Why does most sports broadcasting suck so hard?” It’s a good question and his investigation is reasonably thorough. I agree that the best shows are the ones with the highest ratio of highlights:nonsense.
I think an important point he sort of skirts, though, is that in-game sports broadcasts are aimed to please the largest possible audience. They’re not necessarily dumbed down but they’re certainly simplified in the name of appealing to the casual fan. I’m not saying that’s the way it should be or that it would be all that hard for a baseball broadcaster to explain the paramount importance of getting on base, but I imagine the thinking is that hardcore fans are going to watch no matter what the broadcasters say, so no need to appease them.
The deepening marriage of athleticism and artistry is changing synchronized swimming, an obscure Olympic sport that was memorably satirized in a 1984 “Saturday Night Live” sketch. “Le Rêve” and USA Synchro, the sport’s national governing body, have a sponsorship agreement “to combine resources,” said Sandra Mahoney, the national team director. The show, which opened in 2005, will support USA Synchro financially, as well as assist with choreography and acrobatic training for the athletes.
“They, in turn, will be able to build our talent for the Olympics so that they have talent down the line,” Mahoney said….
“It’s a contact sport now,” she added. “So they can’t ridicule us anymore.”
No matter what anyone says, I will continue to ridicule the “sport” of synchronized swimming. It is ridiculous.
And of course I recognize that it requires an absolute ton of talent, athleticism and grace — like way more than I could ever hope to have. Clearly it’s a difficult thing to endeavor, trying to synch up so many intricate motions so precisely with your teammates and the music, all while working to stay afloat.
But to me, anything that is judged on wholly subjective criteria should not count as a sport. I want a clear winner, whether it’s the person who wins the race or the team that outscores its opponent. And I realize that there are plenty of reasonably subjective decisions made by referees in football and everything, but whatever. Shut up. Stop picking nits.
Back in the WCSN.com days, we covered a ton of silly sports, but none quite as silly as synchronized swimming (though Tom Boorstein argues it’s rhythmic gymnastics). There would be times when my only duty was to monitor the video stream to make sure it was operating properly, which meant I’d be sitting in a reasonably bustling office setting getting paid to sit there and watch synchronized swimming. And I giggled throughout.
It’s just a silly thing to watch. I can’t really explain it except to say that it vaguely resembles something you might see at Sea World, only with humans instead of porpoises. Also, I’ve never been to Sea World.
I defy you to watch this and not chuckle:
Tedquarters 