Here’s what one item on the Taco Bell breakfast menu probably won’t actually ever look like

That’s the Johnsonville sausage and egg wrap, according to the AP photo wire.

So what’s there? Looks pretty obviously like it’s wrapped up and grilled in their quesadilla press like the CrunchWrap Supreme. And there’s a big, flat sausage patty with some scrambled eggs and cheddar cheese. Hard to mess that up, though I might appreciate some sort of sauce. I guess I could always add my own, but that’s tricky with this type of product: You don’t want to compromise the intricate wrapping they’ve done to keep it portable.

Enter Firstmeal!

Taco Bell, the fast-food chain that caters to late-night snacking, is making a play for the breakfast crowd.

The Mexican-style restaurant chain introduced a breakfast menu Thursday at almost 800 restaurants, mostly in nearly a dozen Western states. The rollout adds to the scramble among fast-food heavyweights competing for the morning allegiance of on-the-go consumers….

The chain’s breakfast staples include burritos stuffed with eggs and either sausage, bacon or steak; sausage and egg wraps; hash browns; hot or iced coffee, and orange juice. Taco Bell is teaming with such recognizable brands as Johnsonville, Cinnabon, Tropicana and Seattle’s Best. Menu items range from 99 cents to $2.79….

The rollout is taking place in Alaska, Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Idaho, Montana, Utah, New Mexico, Nevada and Colorado, and there are a limited number of participating stores in Texas, Ohio and Oklahoma.

Associated Press.

You guys!

So who has got a good excuse for me to visit Alaska, Washington, Oregon, California, Arizona, Idaho, Montana, Utah, New Mexico, Nevada, Colorado or certain parts of Texas, Ohio and Oklahoma?

Taco Bell movin’ on up?

For Yum! Brands Inc. (YUM)’s Taco Bell, thinking outside the bun means going gourmet.

The chain that once used a talking chihuahua to sell chalupas is working with Miami chef Lorena Garcia to win back eaters who have become accustomed to Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc.’s (CMG) style of Mexican fare. Menu items will include Chipotle staples such as black beans, cilantro rice and corn salsa, Greg Creed, Taco Bell’s president, said last month.

Leslie Patton, Bloomberg.

Like 15 people alerted me to this news so I figured I should note it here — and thanks to all for the heads up — but I’m not sure it’s actually “news” per se. If you’ll recall, we heard reports of a “Chef’s Signature line” at Taco Bell as early as a month ago, and if that doesn’t imply “fancier versions of Taco Bell stuff,” I don’t know what does.

Also, it seems like a lot of people are taking speculation from industry experts and sources and running with it as fact here, and I’ll believe that Taco Bell will abandon traditional Taco Bell products when I’ve eaten the world’s last MexiMelt and not before.

Clearly Greg Creed is making some changes at Taco Bell — some of them long-anticipated — and I suppose a new line of gussied-up products to compete with Chipotle is a sensible one to try. But let’s not go assuming Taco Bell is going to become a straight-up Chipotle knockoff, because a) that’s not going to happen and b) I’m pretty sure no chain working to become Chipotle would simultaneously release a taco made from Doritos.

Long live Fourthmeal.

Top Thing of 2011 No. 4: New hope at Taco Bell

The fourth-best thing of 2011 hasn’t even really happened yet. Not in most markets, at least.

But earlier this month, Taco Bell executives announced that the restaurant chain would finally be rolling out the long-anticipated Doritos Loco Taco nationally and will begin introducing Firstmeal — the ever-elusive Taco Bell breakfast menu — in certain regions (though probably not this one, which is B.S.). Plus, they hinted at a forthcoming “Chef’s Signature” line, which, well… who really knows what that means?

It’s a confusing time, and maybe a little bit scary. Change is never easy. But I think this all spells good things for the future. We’re going to be able to taste new Taco Bell menu items soon, and if they’re anything like most previous Taco Bell menu items, they’re probably going to be delicious.

The taco shell itself is made from Doritos. How did no one think of this sooner?

omg omg omg omg omg

[Taco Bell chief executive officer Greg] Creed outlined an aggressive game plan for 2012 built around what he referred to as a breakthrough product designed to reinvent the taco. That product has been revealed as the Doritos Locos Taco, which through a partnership with Frito-Lay was developed as a taco in a shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos.

Other menu upgrades for the future include a Chef’s Signature lineup of upgraded tacos and other menu items, as well as the reformulation of several key ingredients, from the beans and pico de gallo to marinades and seasonings for proteins.

Creed also confirmed that the brand’s breakfast platform, called First Meal, would roll out to 800 locations in the West in early 2012. Taco Bell also has plans to refranchise about 400 locations over the next two years, taking its percentage of company-owned units from 23 percent to about 16 percent by 2013.

Mark Brandau, RestaurantNews.com.

Everything is happening so fast. I feel like for the first time I can see and feel and hear the world spinning on its axis and hurtling through space, and I just want to grab onto something rooted and squeeze it tight and stop everything from moving for one damn second. But there’s nothing rooted! All of the matter in the universe is flying, whirling, scattering, throttling through space, diffusing into the great inconceivable darkness beyond.

Doritos Locos Taco!

First Meal!

What a terrifying and beautiful existence.

Burrito semantics

As you’ve noted several times, Taco Bell, and Mexican food in general, is often just the same ingredients in different permutations. Why is it then, that you can throw a bunch of red sauce, cheese sauce, etc. on a burrito and it’s still called a burrito (though, to be fair, sometimes called a “wet” burrito)? Shouldn’t this merit an entirely new name? In my mind, much of the simple pleasure of a burrito is the portability and ease of consumption via my hands. When you add sauce, or whatever, that entire dynamic changes, which in my mind necessitates a new name.

Basically, what I’m saying is that I live in fear of eating at a new establishment and ordering a burrito, wondering whether it will show up “wet” or in its usual simple glory. What is your take on this issue, as well as your “wet/dry” preference? Why isn’t this a bigger deal?

MJ Scalese, via email.

This is a good and important question. In at least a couple of places, I’ve seen “wet” burritos billed as “smothered” or “enchilada-style.” But then isn’t that just an enchilada?

No, it turns out it isn’t. Enchiladas are made of corn tortillas, whereas burritos use  wheat. The Wikipedia tells me that to be an enchilada, the tortilla needs to be covered in a chili-pepper sauce, since “enchilada is the past participle of the Spanish verb enchilar, ‘to add chile pepper to.'”

It’s awesome that there’s a verb for that, but none of this helps solve the problem you identify. But you know who does?

That’s right, it’s Taco Bell.

Longtime Taco Bell enthusiasts may remember the Enchirito in its original incarnation, when it was made from a corn tortilla. But since the late 1990s, the Taco Bell Enchirito has been essentially a “wet” or “smothered” or “enchilada-style” burrito, only with a far less confusing and/or cumbersome name.

And since that name is a portmanteau of “enchilada” and “burrito,” it seems to perfectly describe the menu item currently being served as an enchilada-style burrito, no? So get on it, people who own Mexican restaurants that are not Taco Bells: Start naming your stuff after Taco Bell items. Also, start serving MexiMelts. They’re delicious.

 

The Nuclear Taco Sensor Helmet revealed

Devin Faraci over at Badass Digest presents the Nuclear Taco Sensor Helmet, a jury-rigged version of a beer-dispensing plastic helmet that “measures your sweat, your body temperature and how much you gulp down from the attached water and yogurt bottles to quench your burning mouth” to determine on a scale of No Sweat to Melt Down the spice level of your taco. Go check out the original post to see it in use in a Japanese game show.

Via Emma Span.