Category Archives: Video

Four good songs with prominent guiro parts

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The guiro is a Puerto Rican percussion instrument shaped like a fish. Here are four good songs with prominent guiro parts, for you to enjoy this snowy morning:

4) CAKE — “Short Skirt Long Jacket.”

The band CAKE has done as much for auxiliary percussion as any musical outfit of the past 20 years. For this reason, among others, they are one of my favorite bands. They have many songs that feature the guiro; this is only the best-known guiro-featuring CAKE song.

3) Tone Loc — “Wild Thing”

Tone Loc’s contribution to great guiro music is reasonably subtle, which is in direct contrast to pretty much everything else Tone Loc has ever done. You may know Tone Loc from completely Yadier Molinaing Keanu Reeves in Rock n’ Jock softball game, from his not doing nearly enough stuff, and, of course, from his star turn as Emilio in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The guiro part is brief and doesn’t come until pretty late in the song:

2) David Bowie — “The Man Who Sold the World.”

Most people know this song the Nirvana cover on Unplugged, which is itself pretty sweet and true to the original in almost every aspect besides reverb and guiro-presence. And man, how present a guiro. It dominates the left channel of the track, featuring classic guiro rhythm. ||: Chk-chk-trrrrah, chk-chk-trrrah :l|

1) Rolling Stones — “Gimme Shelter”

This is just an awesome song all around, its greatness only amplified by its clear standing as the exemplar of rock and roll guiro incorporation. Maybe my favorite Stones song.

Curtis Granderson eats various sausages

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Granderson does a pretty good job eating and describing these sausages, and I am intrigued by the corn dog with the sauce already inside the corn batter. I am skeptical, though, that a non-deep-fried corn dog could hold up to the high standards I have for corn dogs*.

What’s most disappointing about the video is that he doesn’t sample the Swirldog, which is advertised right in front of his face. It’s hard to make it out but it looks like the sign says, “A sausage with a twist that sends all others green with envy!”

That doesn’t even make sense, but it makes me want to eat it for sure. WHAT’S THE TWIST?

*- I wrote something about corn dogs in a Live Journal post in 2004 that I still think is kind of funny. For some reason I used to have a thing for purple Fruit Stripe gum. I don’t want to link to that site because rather profane, so I’ll just excerpt the important part here:

I had a corn dog today; I got it from a guy selling them on a street corner. Imagine that — the corn dog man. It seems like five years ago when I came into the city, it was strictly a hot dog/pretzel/knish thing. Now they’ve got everything on the street corner. It’s like, “Hey, I’m going down to the corner to pick up something from the Lobster guy, you want anything?” “Nah, I got food from the 16-Ounce Porterhouse Steak cart earlier.”

Anyway corn dogs are [expletive] awesome. I like how there’s an element of mystery to them. Like you can’t see the meat, so you really don’t know what’s in there ’til you bite it. And hot dogs are pretty sketchy as far as meat goes to begin with, so you’re really taking your chances biting into that corn dog. But it’s worth the risk. A good corn dog is about as rewarding a food as you’re going to find this side of purple Fruit Stripe gum.

I think it has something to do with the meat being on a stick. There’s something very primal about eating meat on a stick, something that harkens back to medievil days when knights would come galloping into the castle only to be rewarded with huge hunks of meat on sticks. I think this might explain my affinity for shish kebab as well. I hate veggie kebab. Sissies.

Write this down: When I die, I don’t want to be buried or cremated or put into one of those Native American spiritual mounds, which I guess counts as buried except that you’re technically above ground. I want to be battered in corn meal and deep fried. Ram a stick up my [expletive], too, if need be. That way, everyone who comes to my wake will be forced to make the same decision I made today before biting into my corn dog. “He looks delicious… shall I bite him?”

Yes, eat of me what you want, I’m a delicious corn-dog cadaver.

Where’s the beef?

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Terrible puns aside, the case Beasley Allen of Montgomery, Ala. brings up is a pretty interesting one, as reported by WTOL in Toledo. Beasley says that what Taco Bells calls “ground beef” does not meet the USDA’s definition of beef — “flesh of cattle” — and should instead be dubbed “taco meat filling.”

The suit claims that Taco Bell’s meat-like offering is filled with extenders and other non-meat substances listed in the lawsuit like water, “Isolated Oat Product,” wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodrextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch and sodium phosphate as well as beef and seasonings. Yum!

As the USDA definition in the lawsuit says, to be called “ground beef,” the product must “consist of chopped fresh and/or frozen beef with or without seasoning and without the addition of beef fat as such, shall not contain more than 30 percent fat, and shall not contain added water, phosphates, binders, or extenders.”

– MB Quirk, Consumerist.

OK, if you’re one of the 20-some people that tipped me off to this story, thanks and I appreciate it. But the shoutout here has to go to our guy Deez, fan of the site but no fan of Taco Bell.

Here’s the thing: Whatever the stuff is that’s inside those “ground beef” tacos tastes good. Yeah, I suppose it’s a little bit gross or weird or at the very least unbecoming to learn that it is allegedly not all meat. But it’s not like I’ve ever gone to Taco Bell thinking, “I’ve come for some healthy food that does not at all contain additives or preservatives or vague chemically sounding elements. I’m not here for the flavor, I’m here for the grass-fed beef.”

I mean it costs 89 cents! That’s practically free! You should be thrilled that you even get a corn tortilla with shredded lettuce and cheese-like product for that price, not to mention all the free packets of sauce-style substance you can handle.

I will go to my grave — yeah, perhaps sooner than later — apologizing for Taco Bell. I can’t imagine any true Taco Bell enthusiast is going to be too broken up about this news. I do wonder, though, how it affects Seasoned Beef’s role in the Super Delicious Ingredient Force.