Free-agent pitchers

2. David Wells, Red Sox (2005-2006), two years, $8 million dollars

The Red Sox took a chance on the 41-year-old Wells before the 2005 season, giving him a two-year deal. Wells made 30 starts and pitched 184 innings in 2005, going 15-7 and posting a 4.45 ERA (with a 3.83 FIP) for an iffy fielding Red Sox team. That performance right there was worth more than the $8 million Boston paid Wells, with anything else in 2006 being gravy — which was all they got. Wells was injured for most of 2006, but made eight gravy starts for Boston before being traded to the Padres at the August deadline.

Seriously, this is the second-best contract, and it was given to a fat, 42-year-old pitcher making $4 million dollars a year. We could stop here, because that’s probably all anyone needs to know about signing free agent pitchers to multi-year deals.

Patrick Flood, PatrickFloodBlog.com.

Patrick Flood looks at the 10 best and 10 worst multi-year deals for free-agent pitchers. It’s about what you expect if you’re in the camp that says free-agent pitchers are almost always a bad investment, but it’s still pretty eye-opening. Also, if you’re in that camp, I’ll see you at the swimming hole.

Corn pwn

“It’s one of our average-to-smaller mazes,” said Brett Herbst, who counts that maze among the 2,000 he has designed in the past 16 years. A typical visitor should expect to complete it in about 20 minutes, he said.

Still, a local family had to be retrieved by the police on Monday when they were unable to find the exit to Mr. Connor’s maze before the sun set. The parents, toting an infant and a small child, panicked and called 911, setting off a chain of events that soon turned them into a target for late-night jabs from television hosts like Jay Leno and Chelsea Handler. (The punch line, Mr. Connor said, was that the family was about 25 feet from the exit when they called for help.)…

“It’s not like 100-acre field out there,” he said. “Just cut through the corn.”

Douglas Quenqua, N.Y. Times.

I don’t know what Leno or Handler went with, but I’d go with this:

You called 911 to rescue you from a corn maze.

You called 911 to rescue you from a corn maze.

You called 911 to rescue you from a corn maze.

It’s like that movie Open Water, except instead of getting stranded in shark-infested waters miles from shore, you called 911 to rescue you from a corn maze.

Incidentally, this is an aerial view of the 2009 version of Mr. Connors’ maze:

Bold Flavors Snack of the Week

This one’s pretty involved. The recipe is as follows:

1) Make plans to go to the zoo with your parents and nephew on a Sunday. Emphasize that you’d like to be home in time for the Jets game.

2) Go to the zoo. How awesome are elephants?

3) Before you head home, stop by your parents’ car to pick up the bag full of awesome fried Italian things your mom bought for you at her local farmer’s market, and the Tupperware container full of pizza sauce she made so you have something to dip the fried things in.

4) Go home and fry those bastards up. My wife heated hers in the toaster oven but screw that. I heated about an inch of oil in a big pot and threw some in. I went with four mozzarella sticks, three fried artichoke hearts and two “fried mini calzones.” With the sauce on the side, of course.

Here they are:

The so-called calzones are the big winner here. And I imagine you could figure out how to make them at home pretty easily. They’re just large shells (as in the pasta shape) stuffed with ricotta, mozzarella and ham, presumably dipped in egg then rolled in bread crumbs and fried. And they’re awesome.

I know most of the time when I eat a calzone I think, “man, this tastes way too healthy.” To think, all this time I could have been frying them!

I don’t know that it’s actually proper to call these calzones, since to me the word calzone implies there’ll be pizza dough involved. But whatever they are, they’re great. There’s a nice, seasoned crunchiness to the outside from the breadcrumbs, and then of course the soft, creamy ricotta and chewy mozzarella on the inside. I was not expecting the ham, but hey, bonus ham!

Oh, and the mozzarella sticks and fried artichoke hearts were pretty great too.

This happened

The early morning Oct. 1 exchange happened at a Taco Bell in Jensen Beach. A manager said a Chevrolet pick-up was in front of the drive through lane and the driver may have fallen asleep. The manager told dispatchers the driver’s foot was on the accelerator, the engine was revving and smoke was coming from the vehicle.

A deputy asked for his ID, and he said, “No.” Asked again for ID, Falkner stared, laughed and started to reach in his Taco Bell bag and take out a taco. Another deputy told Falkner they asked not for a taco, but for his ID. He shrugged and laughed again, and eventually began trying to eat the taco….

Falkner was told to step out. He put down his taco and taco bag, and deputies noticed the pick-up’s engine was on fire. Fire extinguishers were used to squelch the small blaze.

Will Greenlee, TCPalm.com.

There’s just nothing I can add.

Remind me again why they’re testing for HGH

NFLPA officials said the World Anti-Doping Agency refused to share all the information they requested during a three-hour meeting in Montreal on Aug.24. The union wants data about the athletes who were used to originally set thresholds for positive tests so it can compare that information with a study of its members’ HGH levels.

The union believes football players may have higher HGH levels than other athletes. WADA has not shared the data because it says there is plenty of information about the test already available.

Goodell, meanwhile, is scheduled to meet Friday with Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), the chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, and Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), the panel’s minority leader, to discuss HGH testing. Baltimore Ravens union representative Domonique Foxworth and union official Ernie Conwell, a former NFL tight end, are expected to attend the meeting. Travis Tygart, the executive director of the United States Anti-Doping Agency, is also expected to participate in the meeting.

Michael O’Keeffe, N.Y. Daily News.

Remind me again why they’re testing for HGH. I know it’s cheating, but why is it cheating? Is it because it’s illegal to use HGH without a prescription? Because that’s true; it is. And we know from Ricky Williams that the NFL tests for marijuana. So maybe owners just want to know if the players in which they’re investing tons of money are engaged in illicit drug use, fearing the inevitable effects of that criminal lifestyle. Or something.

Are they testing for HGH because of the longterm health effects it might have on players? That seems like by far the best argument for testing, but if that were the case, man, you’d think the NFLPA would be all about it. NFL players have enough long-term health problems as it is, you’d think their union would want to work to protect them from inflicting more upon themselves.

Mets hire bench coach. FIRE THE BENCH COACH!

The Mets will reportedly hire Bob Geren as their new bench coach. I wanted Dave Magadan.

WHAT DO THEY HAVE AGAINST MAGADAN? Just another classless move by this organization, disrespecting their history. I guess there’s no formula in Sandy Alderson’s spreadsheets that accounts for MY PERSONAL MISGUIDED RAGE!

I have never met Bob Geren and honestly I know almost nothing about his approach to baseball or even what a bench coach is supposed to do, but I am certain this is the single worst thing that has ever happened to this franchise and the Mets will crash and burn under the incompetent thumb of their new bench coach.

From the mailbag

Has the luster/nostalgia of being a fan worn off since you are now an employee of the team you root for? Is it work for you? I ask this because, as a member of tv production, I would never want something I do for pleasure to feel like work. I would love to hear your take on it.

– Alex, via email.

Not really, no.

A couple of things: First off, I’m not a Mets employee. It seems like the general perception is that SNY and the Mets are two arms of the same entity, but in my day-to-day dealings it’s not like that at all. I have a season credential to cover the team, like many members of the media do, and when I need to set up something specific I go through the media-relations department, as someone from any other media outlet would.

That said, SNY’s ratings and (more pertinent to me) the traffic on these sites depend in many ways on the Mets’ performance. I am benefited professionally by the Mets playing well, which perhaps alters — but certainly does not diminish — the way I root for the team.

I think it’s this part of the job — the writing, which is hardly my primary responsibility — that most impacts the way I follow the team. I suspect that if I just showed up to the office and helped manage and edit the content on SNY.tv without ever publicly expressing my opinions about the club, I’d remain now pretty much the same fan I was in 2005, before I got my first job in media. I would know a bit more about the sausage-factory stuff that goes into a game broadcast, but not really root for the team any differently than I did before I worked here.

In mid-June of 2008, during the height of the great Internet Val Pascucci Campaign, Robinson Cancel smacked a pinch-hit two-run single up the middle that helped the Mets beat the Rangers. And it immediately pissed me off. I thought, wrote and maintain that Cancel had no business getting pinch-hit opportunities or even being on a third catcher on the Major League roster when the team had Pascucci crushing the ball in Triple-A. So when he got the hit, instead of being thrilled by it as a Mets fan, I was annoyed because it worked against my point.

That led to quite a bit of soul-searching, and the realization that I needed to emotionally divest myself from my writing while watching the games. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but I believe doing it successfully enhances both my enjoyment of the games and the writing itself.

I really, really, really like baseball. When I go on vacation from my job covering baseball, I usually go watch baseball somewhere. Baseball f@#$ing rules. And there’s just nothing I’m going to come across in my professional life that makes me feel otherwise.

Before I worked in this industry, I typically watched every game but ignored a lot of the nonsense surrounding it. I tuned in to the rumor-mill stuff every offseason and near the trade deadline, but I generally avoided most newspaper columns, blogs and WFAN. Not by any hard and fast rule, I just tended to seek entertainment elsewhere.

If I was working somewhere else and I saw that the Mets pulled Jose Reyes after one bunt base hit on the last game of the season, I’d probably shrug a little, say something snarky about bunting, and move on. Now I know that when something like that happens, I’m probably going to feel pressured to address it in some more substantive way. And sometimes that kind of sucks. But it’s still way, way, way better than not having a job writing about baseball.

The late-90s Mets had a “porn room”

Patrick asked Leiter if it was true that the Mets teams of the late-90s and early oughts had a “porn room.”  Which, while it sounds salacious, is really just a way of implying that boys have always been boys and it will forever be thus.  ”Porn room?” Big deal. It’s not like every frat house, locker room and ship in the United States Navy isn’t lousy with such things.

Except the question kind of rattled Leiter. You can watch the video over at SportsGrid.  Anyone who has ever tried to first joke away and then sort of explain away a mildly embarrassing truth will recognize Leiter’s vamping toward an answer.  And Patrick’s smiling.  Whether the Mets really did have a porn room back then was an open question when Patrick asked it, but I think the matter was more or less settled by the time Leiter was done answering.

Craig Calcaterra, HardballTalk.

Alright so who do we think was responsible for the porn room? The only thing I think we can say with certainty is that it wasn’t John Olerud. I’ll take a shot in the dark and guess it was Todd Pratt.