Category Archives: Words

Expect Carlos Beltran to return or expect him to be traded

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Some fun, if meaningless, stuff coming out of the waning days of the Mets’ season: Chase Utley slid in hard and late on Ruben Tejada on Friday, trying to break up a double play, and several Mets took exception — most notably Carlos Beltran. Then the Mets, powered in part by Beltran, went on to take the next two from the Phillies, scoring a rare road series win and preventing the Phillies from celebrating their inevitable playoff berth in their own clubhouse.

The Mets downplayed the importance of that accomplishment, as they damn well should have, saying they were just happy to be playing good baseball and they should have been playing like this all year. And good. Something always feels messed-up when you hear about a team “relishing the opportunity to play spoiler.” Oh, you do? Why don’t you relish the opportunity to play better baseball for the first 140 games of the season?

Anyway, the whole thing sets up the lamest bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc talk-radio nonsense since “Lastings Milledge woke up the Marlins.” Someone somewhere will suggest — probably already has suggested — that Utley’s slide shook Beltran to life and made him decide, “oh, I guess I’ll start being awesome at baseball again,” even though, as we know, Beltran had been hitting like Beltran for weeks.

The whole affair brings Beltran back into the fore for the first time since the Walter Reed flap. Both the Post and Daily News put Beltran in the focus of their game stories for Sunday, with the Post asserting that he’ll likely be back in 2011 and the News suggesting he’s as good as gone.

It’s going to be one of those offseasons, I suppose. Which is pretty much every offseason. Until we get there, though, we might as well relish this opportunity to watch Carlos Beltran do stuff, knowing that it might be our last to watch him do it in a Mets uniform.

Sandwich of the Week: Eat one for the Team

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There’s a nasty legend that Ted Turner and Jane Fonda once went into a busy steakhouse in Montana and demanded to jump the 45-minute wait by playing the “Do you know who I am?” card. It’s not true, and people shouldn’t drag Ted Turner’s good name through the mud like that.

I don’t really know much about him personally, mind you, but he’s on Team Ted and he created pretty much the best place to go for lunch meetings near our office, and it happens to be named Ted’s, so he’s cool with me.

Oh, and lunch meetings are amazing. Seriously, meetings are one of my least favorite things about having a job, and lunch meetings are one of my very favorite things about having a job. Meetings are often awkward and conducted in cold conference rooms with harsh fluorescent lighting. There’s always plenty to talk about at lunch meetings because there’s food about, and you get to eat it.

Also, I’ve been to the Montana steakhouse in question. It’s called Sir Scott’s Oasis and it’s completely amazing. I can’t even begin to describe it, and to attempt to do so now would be to undercut or overshadow the sandwich I am about to review. But trust me, if you ever find yourself within 100 miles of Manhattan, Montana, go to Sir Scott’s Oasis. Just go.

The sandwich: The Spikebox Bison Burger from Ted’s Montana Grill, many locations.

The construction: Toasted hamburger bun with bison burger, jack cheese, bacon and fresh jalapenos.

Important background information: I want to try all the meats that people eat. I think I’ve probably made this clear before, and look: I mean no disrespect to the pig, cow and chicken, which do great work. I’m just always concerned that there’s some amazing meat out there that I haven’t tried yet, something like elk or ostrich or bear, and it’s going to completely blow my mind, totally open up my perspective to whole new meat things, stuff I can’t even describe because I haven’t tasted the meat yet. Only I know it’s not elk or ostrich because I’ve had those and they’re only OK. Holding out hope for bear.

Bison depends on the preparation, I’ve found. It’s beefy, a little bit gamey — what does gamey mean, really? Just meatier tasting than the standard meats, right? That’s what I mean when I say gamey — and it could be tough if overcooked.

What it looks like (in a dark, dark restaurant):

How it tastes: I am consistently impressed with the bison burgers at Ted’s. There’s not a lot to distinguish the bison meat from beef, but I’m not certain it matters. The burgers are tasty, tender, juicy, everything you’d expect from a top-of-the-line restaurant burger. There’s nothing in particular that distinguishes this burger from others, so it’s not really something to write home about (though technically I’m doing that here, since my parents will probably read this), but really solid all around. And they get your order right, too — medium is medium, not over- or under-cooked.

The Spikebox, in particular, is a good choice because of the bacon and jalapenos, obviously. I don’t think I need to sing the praises of these toppings any more than I already have here. Bacon adds bacon. Jalapenos add spice and some additional crunch.

Throw on a little ketchup and you’ve got a rich, full-bodied burger with a breadth of flavors. Good show. You’re doing the Teds proud, Mr. Turner.

What it’s worth: Ted’s is in Midtown so these things aren’t cheap. Plus bison will run you a few extra bucks, about $16. But what do you want? You’re eating out in Midtown. It’s a struggle to find any lunch for less than $10, and certainly one this good. You could get a slightly cheaper burger at Heartland across the street, but it won’t be as big or as tasty.

How it rates: 82 out of 100. No one’s calling this burger a Hall of Famer, but it would probably make a few All-Star Games in it’s career since it’s about as good as you could reasonably expect a burger to be, and consistent. There aren’t very many baseball players from Montana, but conveniently enough, former Orioles lefty, the late Dave McNally seems like a good fit.

The Vendys!

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I am bound for the Vendys. I have no idea what the Internet situation will be on Governors Island and haven’t even decided if I should attempt to bring my computer.

Obviously you can expect a full report at some point, including pictures, food reviews, the whole thing. I just don’t know exactly when that’ll be. Maybe today. Maybe not. Depends on these Vendys.

There’s a Sandwich of the Week post cued up to run in a little bit, so look out for that. And I’ll throw up one of those Matt Cerrone-special in-post Twitter things once the event starts.

Sizzle, steam, smash!

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Far away from a customer base in the United States that knows the delights and agonies of late-night taco dining, paid for entirely with pocket change, Taco Bell seeks a higher level of trendiness in South Korea. The new store’s menu appears on an LED board. Wall hangings display a succession of culinary mood words: sizzle, steam, smash….

It remains to be seen whether Taco Bell will prosper here, or elsewhere in Asia, over the long term. Since Taco Bell last existed here 15 years ago, little has fundamentally changed in the way people eat. What’s different is how they decide where to eat. In the world’s most wired country, two of every five people, according to some estimates, maintain a blog. One of South Korea’s preeminent search engines, Naver, has a special category for “powerbloggers,” many of whom love writing about food. Taco Bell has held special events for these bloggers, hoping to win their approval.

– Chico Harlan, Washington Post.

Taco Bell pilgrimage, anyone?

I’m a little put off to hear that Taco Bell sees the need to hold special events for the so-called “powerbloggers” of Seoul while I’m here doing all this stuff to promote their brand and they do nothing for me. Where’s my special event? Where’s my three-story Taco Bell with fancy LED menus and food-mood buzzwords plastered all over the walls? I’m stuck with the Worst Taco Bell in the World in Elmsford, N.Y., where I sometimes wait 18-minutes at the drive-thru and never, EVER get a red shell on my Volcano Taco.

But, all that said, here’s to Taco Bell’s success overseas. This is obviously a big step toward winning the Franchise Wars.

Also, Chico Harlan sighting.

Most triumphant

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“We’ve been working on it for the past couple of years, honing that idea and getting it into shape,” he continued. “[Screenwriters Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon] are working on it now. The bottom line is that we still all feel like we need to sit down and look at a script and see if it’s everything that it can be before we set about doing anything with it.”

Winter wasn’t able to divulge much about what “Bill & Ted 3” will focus on, though he emphasized that the movie won’t be “cynical.”

“The essence of what we’ve always wanted to do is to make a ‘Bill & Ted’ movie,” he said. “We don’t want to make a cynical ‘here’s Bill and Ted — you guys are our kids, now YOU guys go be Bill and Ted and the franchise can live for another 25 years!’ It’s not that. It’s a straight up, what’s the funniest and most surprising take on where Bill and Ted would be right now if we stopped back in on them? That’s what we’re doing.”

– Josh Wigler, MTV Movies Blog.

The “Winter” being quoted here — just to clarify — is not Edgar, but Alex Winter, as in Bill S. Preston, Esq., he of Wyld Stallyns fame.

Winter, who is apparently a director now and not just still acting under the pseudonym “Barry Pepper,” confirmed that a third Bill and Ted movie is in the works, which is obviously awesome news.

The only complaint I have about the originals is that now every single time I show up anywhere with someone named Bill — and there are a lot of people named Bill, so it happens a lot — people are all like, “oh hey, Bill and Ted! You guys coming from an excellent adventure or a bogus journey? Get it? Bill and Ted!”

Wait, did I say complaint? I actually don’t really mind that at all. I think it’s pretty awesome because it reminds me of those movies and how great they were.

Anyway what concerns me about Winter’s quote above is the part about the “most surprising take on where Bill and Ted would be right now if we stopped back in on them.”

Ahh… hello, Alex Winter? I was under the impression that Bill and Ted would be united the world with their bodacious music by now. That’s why they need Eddie Van Halen, and that’s why they need a triumphant video, etc. Remember?

I guess Rufus came back from the distant future, so perhaps the full impact of Wyld Stallyns’ awesomeness was posthumous, but the end of Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey sure made it seem like they were on their way to creating a utopian future through rock.

So I guess I’m interested in seeing what the hell Alex Winter’s talking about. Also: STAY-SHUN!

Someone should protect Bryce Harper from himself

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Well, future Nationals superstar Bryce Harper definitely has all the tools to be a proper international superstar, at least judging by his favorite sports teams. He was on D.C. radio on Wednesday (and Tuesday, for that matter), and he identified the teams he roots for. It’s out of the official Villain’s Guide For Choosing Loathsome Front-Running Sports Teams.

– Dan Steinberg, D.C. Sports Bog.

It turns out Harper, the Nats’ first overall draft pick, grew up rooting for the Cowboys, Lakers, Yankees and Duke. This fresh on the heels of an interview last month in which, when asked to describe himself in one word, Harper first considered “gorgeous,” then settled on “Hercules.”

Probably if the Nationals are willing to invest $9.9 million in Harper over the next five years, they should also shell out some 80 grand a year for a full-time media coach to travel with the kid and work with him to make sure every single sports fan in America doesn’t hate him by the time he reaches the Major Leagues.

Because the Harper backlash is so strong at this point that I actually feel bad for the kid. There’s video out there, somewhere, of me at 17, on CNN, sanctimoniously ripping Bill Clinton for cheating on his wife, suggesting, essentially, that it’s going to lead to widespread moral decay. I’m not particularly ashamed of it — I was 17 — but it’s not at all indicative of the way I think anymore. Plus I’m pretty sure the CNN producer led me a little bit, if I recall correctly. I just wanted to be on TV.

Not only is Harper 17 years old, he’s a 17-year-old who was hitting 550-foot home runs and plastered all over the cover of national sports magazines at 16. That’s gonna do all sorts of things to your teenage head.

So yeah, he comes off like a jackass, but think back to how you were at 17, and consider that you probably said some pretty jackassy things too. Or you certainly would, if you could hit 550-foot home runs. And if you’re 17 now, I hate to say this, but you might very well be a jackass. No offense. (The fact that you’re here suggests you may be wise beyond your years. Please keep reading.)

Also, for what it’s worth, Harper grew up in Las Vegas, so it’s not like there are a lot of natural fits for sports teams for him to root for. You’d think he’d pick the Runnin’ Rebels over f#@$ing Duke, though.

Does anybody care?

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This is where it’s at for the Jets as they prepare for an appearance under the bright lights of NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.” If reputation means anything, it’s a precarious position to be in. In terms of NFL regular-season platforms, none is bigger. The Jets’ mission, obviously, is to beat Miami. They have some control over that.

What no one in the organization can control – not Ryan, Woody Johnson nor Mike Tannenbaum – is how NBC will portray the team during nearly four hours encompassing a pregame show and the game itself.

When the tilt is over, how will America view the Jets?

Will the team’s image take a further beating?

– Bob Raissman, N.Y. Daily News.

Follow-up question: Who cares?

Look: DWI is a stupid thing to do and it sure seems like everyone involved knows that by now, or at least says they do. But since when have the Jets — the Rex Ryan, middle-finger Jets — cared about the way America viewed them?

And even if they did, what difference does it make?

The first two pages of the Daily News’ sports coverage were dedicated to more coverage of Braylon Edwards’ crime, the top half to Woody Johnson’s disappointment over the incident — he’s disappointed!? No! I thought he’d be thrilled! — and the bottom half to Mike Lupica’s disappointment with due process and the nature of the American judicial system.

There’s also Raissman’s page, with this screed wondering how NBC will choose to portray the Jets, two pages of fantasy-football advice that could be ripped straight from the pages of Duh! Magazine — stay away from Reggie Bush?! — and a Jets notebook piece mostly dedicated to the Edwards thing but with one item about Mike Nolan’s new defense in Miami:

There is a notable difference in the approach of the Dolphins defense. Mike Nolan was hired on as defensive coordinator and has instilled his aggressive 3-4 sets to unsettle opposing quarterbacks with cornerback blitzes and varying packages.

“I’m still going to try to beat him like he stole something,” Ryan said of his former co-worker with the Baltimore Ravens.

Last week, Nolan’s unit forced four turnovers (three interceptions, one lost fumble) against the Vikings and the week before limited the Bills to 166 yards of total offense.

Wait! That only gets like two inches and there’s a whole page speculating about what Bob Costas might say about Braylon Edwards? I want to hear more about that. That’s actual football stuff! I haven’t seen the Dolphins at all this year, and I had no idea they were running a different defense.

And look, I know all about how Raissman’s paid to be a media critic, and all the other writers at the Daily News are just doing their jobs, selling papers. I get it. I’m certain if we had more content streaming in here at SNY.tv I’d be begging columnists for more Braylon coverage, more Jets, the people want Jets, it drives traffic.

I just fantasize about a utopia in which I could spend my morning commute reading about actual football stuff.

Stephen Colbert so f#@$ing awesome

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Apparently Stephen Colbert is testifying before the house immigration subcommittee this Friday. In character.

His testimony will relate to his experience participating in the Take Our Jobs initiative put on by the United Farm Workers union. The initiative invited people to come and try the jobs that illegal immigrants do now, like farm work, to see if they’re really taking jobs that Americans want. Since Colbert was one of only 4 people who took them up on the offer, he’ll be testifying about it.

Why he’s doing it in character isn’t entirely clear, but I suppose he’s got some fans in Congress who wouldn’t mind spicing up what would surely otherwise be a very boring subcommittee.

– Adam Frucci, SplitSider.com.

Wait, it’s not entirely clear why Stephen Colbert is testifying before a Congressional subcommittee in character? How about because a) that’s just an awesome thing to do and b) Stephen Colbert never breaks character.

During my senior year of college, I co-ran a big fake campaign for a fake candidate for Georgetown’s student-body president against some of the precise sort that end up on house subcommittees, and I can attest that most of them demand to be taken seriously. And Colbert is so good at his role that he’ll be able to impart exactly the information he wants to get across while remaining true to his character and simultaneously mocking the entire process.

Take note, Joaquin Phoenix. This is how performance art is done.

Dinosaur scientists really reaching

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Two newly discovered horned dinosaur species from an ancient “lost continent” are some of the most surprising and ornate yet found, paleontologists say….

The larger of the two dinosaurs, Utahceratops gettyi, had a 7-foot-long (2.3-meter-long) skull, prompting study co-author Mark Loewen of the University of Utah to compare the animal to “a giant rhino with a ridiculously supersized head.”

The other new dinosaur, Kosmoceratops richardsoni, is “one of the most amazing animals known, with a huge skull decorated with an assortment of bony bells and whistles,” study leader Scott Sampson, also of the University of Utah, said in a statement.

– Rachel Kaufman, National Geographic.

C’mon dinosaur scientists. More new dinosaurs? This is all just make-good stuff because of the whole Triceratops kerfuffle, isn’t it?

“A giant rhino with a ridiculously supersized head”? C’mon. Now you’re just making stuff up.

Here’s what they supposedly look like: