Category Archives: Words

The consistency dilemma

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The word “consistent” gets thrown around way too often in baseball discussions, almost always as a stand in for “good.” Instead of saying a player is average or something less, we say, “he just needs to be more consistent.”

There’s enough random fluctuation in baseball that total scrubs can perform like Hall of Famers for a week. We’ve seen it countless times. And so then people say, “oh, if Jeff Francoeur could consistently hit like he did in April, he’d be an All-Star,” even though Jeff Francoeur is, in truth, about as consistent as the sun. He’s just not consistently good.

These Mets, you’ll read, are inconsistent. I mean hell, they haven’t hit in weeks. And if it isn’t one thing, it’s the other. When the pitching’s good, they don’t hit. When the hitting’s good, the bullpen melts down. When the bullpen holds it together, the defense lapses.

But I wonder if this is an instance of inconsistency or merely the way a consistently .500 ballclub appears when viewed under the microscope over the 162-game season. Sure, there have been ups and downs, hot streaks and rough stretches. More than there would be if I flipped a coin 117 times? I don’t know. I tend to doubt it.

And are these Mets not consistent with what we expected before the season? Maybe some of the individual performances aren’t, but few reasonable observers expected much more than a .500 season out of the team as a whole. I guessed 84 wins. By their Pythagorean winning percentage — based on runs scored and runs allowed — they’re on pace for 83. By their actual winning percentage they’re on pace for 80.

Sandwich of the Week: At the Park

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Now that Ryan’s not around to accuse me of shillery, I can say this without fear: Citi Field has the best ballpark food in the country. Of the 50-some Major and Minor League parks I’ve visited, at least.

Most stadiums have one or two good specialty items and then all the standard fare. Citi is really the only stadium I’ve ever attended where I struggle to settle on what to order. It’s usually the tacos, but I at least consider a pair of fine sandwiches: Mama’s Special from Mama’s of Corona, and this week’s sandwich of the week. Hat tip to Eric Simon for buying me one a couple weeks ago.

The sandwich: Pulled pork sandwich from Blue Smoke, multiple locations including two inside Citi Field.

Insider tip: Go to the Blue Smoke on the Promenade level of Citi Field, even if you’re sitting on the lower level. There’s almost never a wait up there.

Bonus tip: The actual Blue Smoke restaurant in Manhattan is worth a visit because the rest of the menu that’s not available at Citi Field is excellent. Try the mac and cheese. It will get you drunk with awesomeness. And their vast selection of bourbons will get you drunk with drunkenness.

The construction: Pulled pork in barbecue sauce with pickles on a brioche bun. I also added fresh jalapenos from the toppings station.

That is, I believe, one of the most underrated aspects of the food at Citi Field — unlimited free fresh jalapenos! You could make a meal of ’em, really. That might anger the Mets, but whatever. They’re still carrying Ollie Perez.

Important background information: I know embarrassingly little about pulled pork considering how much I know about ribs. I need to bone up (no pun intended). I know that there are multiple styles of pulled pork even within the state of North Carolina, and based on the flavor I’m pretty sure the Blue Smoke pulled pork is smoked over hickory.

In other words, expect a post in not too long involving me making some pulled pork. That’s a skill set I obviously need to hone.

What it looks like:


How it tastes: I hope you know already, but if not: Tremendous. Just… wow. And look, maybe expectations are tempered a bit because it’s inside a ballpark, and maybe this would be a little disappointing if I got it at the actual Blue Smoke and it had been sitting under a heat lamp like it was. But I don’t know. It didn’t taste dried out at all.

It tasted like an explosion of smoke and meatjuice and vinegar, with sweetness from the sauce and tartness from the pickles and spiciness from the jalapenos. Damn, that’s just a hell of a sandwich. Straight up.

What it’s worth: Ten dollars is a lot for a sandwich anywhere. It doesn’t seem terribly unreasonable inside a ballpark, but I’m not going to argue that this is a ten-dollar sandwich. I mean, pulled-pork is generally expected to be inexpensive, after all, and one of the best pulled-pork sandwiches I ever ate — from a  place called Keith-A-Que off the road in Georgia — cost me a flat buck.

But still, I think relative to other ballpark food — in Citi Field or elsewhere — ten bucks isn’t a terrible deal for this sandwich. The best bargain is those tacos, of course, but the pulled-pork sandwich seems like a steal when you consider it costs about as much as two fountain sodas.

How it rates: Is this really a Hall of Fame sandwich? Hard to imagine at a ballpark, and again, I suspect my perception might be biased by lowered standards. But I have to give it a 90. As for baseball players — there just aren’t a lot of Hall of Famers from North Carolina. This can be Catfish Hunter, because I imagine this sandwich would have a sweet mustache, even if it isn’t made of Catfish and doesn’t require any hunting.

From the TedQuarters mailbag

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Bryan writes:

Hey Ted, you ever think about doing a mailbag feature? I know it’s kind of become a Bill Simmons trademark, but I feel like the TedQuarters mailbag would be hilarious. Maybe you could call it something else, put your own spin on it . . . I would be stoked to read such a post/series.

Well here you go. I thought about making this entire mailbag post consist of emails from readers requesting mailbag posts because a very high percentage of my reader emails do just that. I’m totally down — actually, I’ve done this once before. It’s just that I kind of space out and respond directly to most of my emails instead of posting responses here. My bad.

(And if I don’t respond ever, then that’s a double my-bad. I try to get to everything. Problem is I get a ton of emails — not because I’m special, just because I’m on a ton of silly distribution lists. So if I don’t reply it’s probably because your email came between a Red Bulls press release and a flurry of quote sheets from the Giants.)

There’s a contact form on the site now and a lot of you have been using that, so keep it up and I’ll do more of these. And please, feel free to send forth any random questions you’d like. I have opinions on nearly everything and I’m willing to formulate opinions on everything else. And tips to awesome stuff. I really appreciate tips to awesome stuff.

As for a name, I don’t know. I went with the above title because I couldn’t come up with anything more clever on a Friday afternoon. And as for my own spin, I’m not sure. My own spin is that I write it, I think. So it will most likely contain stuff about Taco Bell. Speaking of:

Catsmeat (who has a real name) writes:

I finally had my crack at the carnitas from Taco Bell.  Sorely disappointed and, frankly, a little grossed out.  It was a lot like the picture you posted on the blog — a nasty mess.  They even skipped out on the corn tortillas and left me with the regular flour tortilla, which was quite a travesty.  I’m also not impressed that I asked for carnitas and the girl looked at me and said: “Do you want the steak, pork or chicken carnitas?”  Sigh, Taco Bell.  Sigh.

Dude, our experiences could not have been more similar. Honestly, I’ve been mustering up the strength to write about the carnitas cantina taco for a couple weeks now, but it was just so underwhelming that I haven’t found the time.

Basically, it was exactly what Seth “Ted” Samuels described. Maybe worse. A pile of flavorless, unpleasant-smelling stringy pork in some sort of goo, overwhelmed by the onion salsa on top. Unlike Catsmeat, I got the appropriate corn tortillas, but they were dry, spongy and also flavorless.

And I also had trouble ordering! I figured it was because my local Taco Bell is the worst Taco Bell in the world, but Catsmeat has previously boasted a good local Taco Bell. Yikes. You’d think Taco Bell would have its employees adequately prepared to serve such a revolutionary new product. But the voice on the other end of the drive-thru menu acted like it had never even heard of the Carnitas Cantina Taco before. Also “Carnitas Cantina Taco” is very difficult to say.

Honestly, I didn’t even finish the thing. That is a terrible, terrible sign for a Taco Bell product. I even polished off the Pacific Shrimp Taco when I took it out for a test drive, even though it wasn’t exactly my thing. Plus — like always — the Volcano Taco I ordered came in a plain, yellow crunchy taco shell.

I really don’t even know what’s going on down there. I’m concerned that standards have slipped since the passing of Glen Bell.

Danny writes:

There’s some funky building in the works in Taiwan, with strange bulges in and out of it. And it’s called…TED!

Holy crap, what is that thing? I don’t know, but I know it’s awesome. The link within the link mentions that it’s “evocative of a mushroom,” and I’d say, ahh, which kind do you mean there, Mr. Huxley?

Also that ampitheater on top? Probably a badass place to take in a show, except that the renderings alone make my head hurt. Plus there’s almost no way that thing’s not going to leak. Whatever, that’s fine. Awesomeism in architecture never called for any sort of utilitarian design. It’s the opposite of that.

Wait a minute, hold on. Team Ted co-founder Ted Burke points out that this has to be some sort of practical joke: The design firm’s website is big.dk.

Jets get weird

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Revis’ teammates are firmly in his corner. Every member of the secondary joined the dance, arms flailing, hips rocking, praying that the centerpiece of the league’s top defense from a year ago would magically materialize before the scrimmage.

“Everybody wanted to be involved,” Leonhard said. “We love him. We just got to let him know we’re thinking about him every once and while, so we paid a little homage to No. 24.”

Antonio Cromartie took it a step further by placing Revis’ jersey on the grass across from Braylon Edwards on the left side of the formation – Revis’ traditional spot – before the first play of seven-on-seven passing drills during warmups. Then, Cromartie sprinted to the right side before the snap.

“That’s his side,” Cromartie said of why he vacated the left side. “I went over to the right side for that one play. That was my tribute.”

– Manish Mehta, N.Y. Daily News.

Of course, the strangest part by far was that Revis’ empty jersey managed to shut down Edwards. Somehow its presence seemed to force him to bobble and drop everything that came his way.

Seriously though, you know you’re awesome when you inspire this sort of vague deification from a bunch of other professional athletes, presumably mostly egomaniacs. And given the season Revis had last year, I imagine his teammates had to be at least a little surprised that he didn’t magically materialize in the secondary when they summoned him. He’s like that.

Mike Tannenbaum must get so pissed when stuff like this makes the paper. He’s probably all, “IDIOTS! If you really want him to come back, shut the f@#$ up!”

But whatever. Thing is, Darrelle Revis is that good, he knows he’s that good, Tannenbaum knows he’s that good, and the Jets know he’s that good. It’ll get done, I’m certain.

Someone other than Oliver Perez going to be cut to make room for Pat Misch

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Lefty Pat Misch, who has had a stellar season for the Mets’ Triple-A team, likely will start Saturday’s game against Roy Halladay and the Phillies.

If Misch is called up, the Mets would have to make a roster move, with reliever Manny Acosta the leading candidate to be sent down.

– New York Daily News.

First of all, I know Acosta blew a game he shouldn’t have been in on Wednesday, but really? Him? Acosta has actually been decent for the Mets outside of that one awful outing and appears a better bet to be good moving forward than Elmer Dessens, who has completely disappeared.

After pitching in basically every other game from the All-Star Break until the end of July, Dessens hasn’t pitched since a 2 2/3 inning outing in the Mets 14-1 loss to the D-backs on Aug. 1. That was actually the last time Ollie Perez pitched, too.

The Mets are carrying two guys in their bullpen who don’t pitch at all. But hey, that’s cool, it’s not about winning games anymore. It’s about… wait, what is it about?

Is this the end of Larry Jones?

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Chipper Jones may have played his last game in the major leagues after tearing up his left knee while fielding a ground ball.

The Atlanta Braves said Thursday that the 38-year-old third baseman tore his anterior cruciate ligament and will need surgery. The estimated recovery time is six months, short enough to be ready for the next opening day – if Jones decides to return in 2011.

– Paul Newberry, Associated Press.

Well — and I say this without irony — that’s a shame. There were many different embarrassing and hilarious ways I fantasized about Chipper’s career ending, so this one seems anti-climactic. If he’s really done, I hate that he won’t be around for one last trip through Flushing and one last “Lar-ry,” chant.

Chipper Jones was an all-time great player and, to Mets fans, an all-time great villain. He deserves better and we deserve better than for it to end like this. So now I’m left actually rooting for Chipper Jones to recover from his injury so he can return in 2011 only to be humiliated in some grand fashion.

Also — and this is the most f@#$-up part — the injury makes the Braves’ road to October baseball a bit bumpier, and that’s actually a bad thing. The Phillies are somehow more loathsome, and the Mets appear so far out of it that a blow to the Braves might only open the door for the stupid Phillies to take the division. Oh lord, what has it come to?

Johan Santana never really had much time for the one-inning closer thing anyway

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The Mets didn’t have or need a closer today.

Apparently Johan Santana spoke to Jerry Manuel before the game and said, “Don’t come out there today. Leave me alone.”

And so — against all odds, really — he did.

Santana whiffed 10 and walked two in a 115-pitch shutout. He also singled and scored a run, because Johan Santana likes to thoroughly dominate his opponents.

A billion reporters and columnists were on hand because K-Rod beat up his father-in-law last night. It’s going to be fascinating to see how many writers try to spin this single win into something more, even though every player stressed that it wasn’t, and that they try to win every day, and that they don’t know too much about the situation but they support their teammate 100 percent.

Carlos Beltran went 3-for-3 with a double and a sacrifice fly. The two singles weren’t exactly scalded and the double came from the right side of the plate, but a three-hit night is a three-hit night and Beltran said it would give him confidence, even if he still felt a bit uncomfortable. Plus he made a nice running catch in center field. It was almost like old times again.

What a nice little afternoon baseball game.

Melvin Mora: Not on Team Melvin

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I don’t want to scoop the video interview I just did with Melvin Mora since it’ll come out sometime early next week and you can watch it then, but know that Melvin Mora is totally awesome and cool.

I’m probably biased because Mora was always one of my favorite Mets in his brief tenure with the team. I thought it was awesome when he randomly became one of the best hitters in the American League for a couple of years, and even kind of awesome when he hit that grand slam last night.

Anyway, Mora told me he cried when he found out the Mets traded him to the Orioles. And he talked about Edgardo Alfonzo’s role in getting him on the Mets’ roster, which was cool. Real good interview, I think — one of my favorites this year.

Also, while this was happening, Ubaldo Jimenez was signing autographs for some fans. Some reporters were in the dugout to interview him so he gave the “one sec” sign to the crowd.

While he was answering the reporters’ questions, he grabbed a bunch of brand-new, official Major League baseballs out of a bag and signed them. I figured he was autographing them for the interviewer or something (even though that’s a big-time media no-no around here), but after he finished the interview he went back to where he was standing and tossed all the balls out to the crowd.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a player do something like that before, and it’s particularly awesome that it should be a player who’s, well, particularly awesome. So that’s cool.

And furthermore, the Rockies were pumping Madonna in the clubhouse before the game, and I mean that in the most innocent sense of the term. First “La Isla Bonita,” then “Like a Prayer.” Pretty weird.

Hard Knocks that don’t involve K-Rod

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I caught the first episode of Hard Knocks on HBO last night. I had never seen the show before so I didn’t know what to expect.

It was pretty cool. Mostly it made me miss playing and coaching football, thanks to all the dramatized slow-motion footage of the Jets’ drills and everything. Football camp was actually damn near torturous, but the show glorified it thoroughly enough to color my memories.

I am skeptical about whether the players, coaches and executives really behave on camera the same way they would off camera. In fact, I am almost certain they don’t. I have no doubt that Rex Ryan is both literally and figuratively larger than life when the cameras aren’t rolling, but no one acts the same when they know it’s being documented and broadcast. Reality TV is anything but. This is Rex Ryan’s best Rex Ryan performance, and he does a pretty good job of it.

Mike Tannenbaum, on the other hand, is brutal to watch. First off, I had no idea the dude was so emo. The whole conversation he had with Woody Johnson about how Darrelle Revis’ agent was also a human being who went home to his wife? Ugh. Plus the scene had the dramatic timing of continental drift. Show me football, please.

When Hard Knocks did that, it was sweet. The NFL Films-style footage looked great in HD and the sound was incredible — it’s awesome to hear the uncensored antics of players in games and on sidelines.

Predictably, the show dramatized the Revis thing and a couple of rookies getting cut — a part rendered even sadder because you knew these poor kids had to suffer an awful life moment on camera.

Most of the real, relevant football insight that could be gleaned from the show focused on rookie fullback John Conner. Turns out Tannenbaum gives Ryan one draft pick that’s all his, and Conner was Ryan’s choice this year. Ryan said he was watching film of linebackers when he spotted Conner leveling dudes for Kentucky and fell for him. Apparently Conner looks impressive early in camp and even knocked Calvin Pace around a bit.

Also, and most importantly, his name is John Conner and he is nicknamed “The Terminator” (even though, of course, John Connor was not the Terminator. Calling a fullback “Edward Furlong” would probably be a whole lot less intimidating).

Anyway, probably worth checking out the show. Made me really psyched for football season, especially since it immediately followed that brutal, brutal Mets game.

Apparently that happened

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It was not immediately clear what sparked the fight between the 28-year-old relief pitcher and his 53-year-old father-in-law, police said.

Moments before the explosion with his family, Rodriguez snapped at reporters who asked why he was not summoned to pitch in a bases loaded situation in the eighth inning.

“Did I f—–g pitch tonight?” Rodriguez snarled when asked if he was upset that manager Jerry Manuel did not ask him to protect a one-run lead. “Why do I have to talk to you f—–g guys?”

– Kristie Ackert and Jonathan Lemire, N.Y. Daily News.

Oh lord. So looks like the 2010 Mets season finally turned to full-blown absurdity last night, prompted perhaps by Jerry Manuel’s downright surreal bullpen management.

Obviously I don’t know what happened in the family room, so I’m not here to making sweeping moral statements about K-Rod beating up his father-in-law. I’ll leave “appalling” and “abominable” to the Daily News, though I’ll admit that it’s pretty hard to come up with a good reason for a 28-year-old professional athlete to be fighting a guy 30 years his senior.

I imagine we’re going to hear a whole, whole lot more about this, so I’ll reserve judgment until some more of the details come out.

The only thing I’m certain of is that Manny Acosta shouldn’t have been in that game last night. If you’re so desperate to have a set “eighth-inning guy” that you need to take a decent starter out of the rotation to anoint him the eighth-inning guy, then holy lord, let him pitch the eighth inning. You’ve got to give him some margin for error. Takahashi allowed two baserunners, yes, but it wasn’t like they both crushed the ball. And if he’s the elusive eighth-inning guy you’ve been searching for all season, he should be good enough to pitch out of a jam. Maybe guys are relinquishing that role so quickly because they know they’ll be yanked from it as soon as they fail the first time and are pitching tentatively.

Anyway, the small upside to the K-Rod thing is that probably no one will say the Mets are too nice anymore.