Category Archives: Words

Maybe it’s my fault

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I was struck by something on my walk to the subway this morning. I’ve been following sports in earnest since 1987, when I was six years old. I remember watching the 1986 World Series with my family, but I didn’t understand it or recognize its import. I took up the Mets the following offseason, perhaps in part because of that championship but more likely because I was finally old enough to appreciate how awesome baseball is.

Anyway, sometime not long thereafter I started following the Jets and Knicks (to varying degrees). I’m nominally an Islanders fan, but let’s ignore hockey for the purposes of this discussion because, well… because it’s what people so often do.

2012 will mark my 26th year of following sports, and I have not yet known the glory of seeing one of my teams win its sport’s title. Actually, I shouldn’t even say “glory.” I don’t know if it’s glorious. It seems that way, but really I have no idea. I’m going to be 31 next week and I have been following sports for my entire conscious life, and that feeling — the ultimate reward for following sports — is still foreign to me.

I spent part of this morning trying to determine how many other cities might have fans as unfortunate as I have been these past 21 years. Granted, it’s inarguably better to have a perennially lousy professional sports team than no team at all, but I looked up all the cities with MLB, NFL and NBA franchises to determine if it’s feasible any fan in any city, choosing from local teams, might have it as bad as I do. One of those days.

Boston fans, you know, have seen recent successes from their teams in all three of those sports. Chicagoans who favor the Cubs have not seen an MLB or NFL title in the stretch, but can hang their hats on the Bulls’ unbelievable Michael Jordan run in the 90s. It has been mostly bad for them from Detroit, but they’ve got the lone Pistons championship in 2004 to hold on to. And so on.

Things have been nearly so bad for San Francisco Bay Area natives — likely on the Oakland side — who follow the A’s, Raiders and Warriors. The A’s won the World Series in 1989, but those teams have been otherwise quiet since.

Cleveland has a case: Neither the Browns nor Cavs nor Indians has taken its league championship since the Browns won the pre-Super Bowl 1964. And Seattle’s teams have been silent, title-wise, since the Supersonics took the crown in 1979.

But if you want to pick nits here — and I do, because this is about proving to myself how bad I have it — Mets/Jets/Knicks fans can claim this pathetic distinction on a technicality: The Browns, of course, have not operated continuously since 1987, and Cleveland was without a football team for three seasons from 1996-1998. And the Supersonics moved to Oklahoma City in 2008.

So no fan who came of age after 1987 and has followed continuously operating local MLB, NFL and NBA franchises has it quite the same as the Mets/Jets/Knicks fan. Certainly a case can be made that the Mets’ World Series berth in 2000 and the Knicks’ finals appearance in 1999 mitigate the suffering, but in truth it’s all about RINGZZ and my teams have f@#$ing none of them since I’ve been paying attention.

I imagine a lot of you are in the same boat. Let’s wallow in self-pity!

From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell

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Good story from Alan Siegel at Deadspin detailing the rise of the White Stripes’ Seven Nation Army to mainstay stadium anthem. I’m not a huge White Stripes guy, but it’s about the catchiest song imaginable. I remember plunking it out on the guitar about an hour after I heard it the first time, then seeing Audioslave cover it live only a few months later at Lollapalooza in 2003. It’s a song you inevitably wind up jamming on if you rehearse with a band for any length of time, since someone will certainly play the riff shortly after tuning at some point and there’s so much space for interpretation that you can noodle with it for a surprisingly long time before it gets boring.

Won’t you Tebow my neighbor?

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I missed this, but apparently a poll last month revealed that 11 percent of Americans would choose Tim Tebow over all other celebrities to be their next-door neighbor. And that kind of makes sense: He’s by all accounts a nice dude — if perhaps a little preachy — plus he’s young and handsome and rich and popular, and if you live next to Tim Tebow you’re probably doing alright for yourself. Plus I bet you’d catch him Tebowing in his backyard every now and then, and you could call your friends and be all, “HE’S DOING IT RIGHT NOW!”

But I’m wondering where you all stand on this one.

[poll id=”51″]

 

Lambeau bleeped?

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Up they go, the exuberant Pack, into the stands at Curly Lambeau Field, glorying in yet another TD pass from Aaron Rodgers to… somebody. And once the Packers start leaping, there is no stopping them. They will leap again and again on Sunday in the NFC divisional playoff game, you can be sure of it.

Where is the outrage over this stunt? It’s just not happening. The No Fun League somehow sanctions the celebration, says The Leap is fine. The Giants say it’s OK by them. A Facebook community called, “Ban the Lambeau Leap,” has only 16 “likes” after 14 months.

“I think it’s great,” Giant center Kevin Boothe said of the Leap. “I don’t want to see it on Sunday, but they can do it again after Sunday. It’s not showing anybody up. It’s for the fans.”

– Filip Bondy, N.Y. Daily News.

There are a bunch of people in my Twitter timeline worked up about the get-off-my-lawniness of this column’s — or actually, its headline’s — suggestion that the Lambeau leap be banished or punished, but the actual content of Bondy’s piece reads more tongue-in-cheek than sanctimonious. And I haven’t seen the print edition of today’s Daily News, but I’d guess this came as part of a playoff preview package full of the civic-pride stuff typical in newspapers around most postseason series, building up our city and tearing yours down, all in good fun. Better take shots at the Lambeau Leap than cheese, no?

For the record, this site endorses nearly all post-touchdown celebrations. I think they should be avoided when your team is down by multiple touchdowns due in large part to your own fumbling because they then make you look like a fool, but otherwise, you know, go to town.

And after spirited internal debate, I think I’m even cool with the NFL’s harsh stance toward post-touchdown celebrations, as ridiculous as it seems. If there were no such thing, maybe too many scores would be celebrated in over-the-top fashion and the one-upsmanship would spiral out of control until no one paid any attention anymore. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a brilliant turn by the league to position itself as the humorless bad cop, incapable of fully controlling those lovable punk-rock miscreants who’ll happily incur fines to express themselves freely.

More like Burrito Supreme Court, am I right?

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Given that the term “sandwiches” is not ambiguous and the Lease does not provide a definition of it, this court applies the ordinary meaning of the word. The New Webster Third International Dictionary describes a “sandwich ” as “two thin pieces of bread, usually buttered, with a thin layer (as of meat, cheese, or savory mixture) spread between them.” Under this definition and as dictated by common sense, this court finds that the term “sandwich” is not commonly understood to include burritos, tacos, and quesadillas, which are typically made with a single tortilla and stuffed with a choice filling of meat, rice, and beans….

Further, PR’s reliance on Sabritas is misplaced. PR argues that a flour tortilla qualifies as “bread” and a food product with bread and a filling is a sandwich. In Sabritas, the International Trade Court applied the commercial meaning, rather than the ordinary meaning of bread, to corn tacos shells for purposes of levying tariffs. 22 C.I.T. at 59 (Ct. Int’l Trade 1998). Here, the commercial meaning of “bread” is inapposite where it is the ordinary meaning that is relevant when interpreting an unambiguous contractual term such as “sandwiches.”

– Jeffrey A. Locke, Justice, Superior Court of Massachusetts. White City Shopping Center LP v. PR Restaurants, LLC.

This comes via reader Dan with some help from real-life friend Bill, who points out that there have also been court rulings to determine the definition of the meat “chicken,” among other things. This one came in a case over a leasing contract at a strip mall: A Panera franchise had exclusive rights to sell sandwiches in the mall and its operators apparently bucked when a Qdoba moved in, arguing that Qdoba was also trafficking in sandwiches.

Anyway, the crux of all that legalese is that some judge in Massachusetts ruled in 2006 that a sandwich is not a burrito, which is notable but I would say hardly indisputable. For one thing, the cited dictionary definition of “sandwich” just does not hold up in any to the common sense Locke is so eager to appeal to, and thus seems irrelevant in this instance: “usually buttered”? “thin layer spread between them”? Doesn’t sound like most sandwiches I eat.

I have previously suggested I believe a burrito to be a sandwich, but I’m less certain now that I’ve started working toward a unifying sandwich definition. The NPR proposes something they call the “Neuhaus Rule,” which is “a sandwich is defined as a protein encased in bread product.” But I suspect it’s more complex than that.

Hat tip to Theresa for the NPR link.

Lots and lots of stuff about Mets managers

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Far and away the least-active strategist the Mets have ever had. [Davey] Johnson didn’t issue intentional walks, didn’t change pitchers, didn’t send up pinch hitters, and didn’t change his lineup. Maybe the best managers really do just get out of the way?

– Patrick Flood, PatrickFloodBlog.com.

Patrick did a ton of research on Mets managers to try to evaluate Terry Collins objectively. It’s good and you should read it. But of course, as with all evaluations of managers, it’s very difficult to distinguish the skippers from the players on their teams. Maybe Johnson would have made more pitching changes if he had worse pitchers, and maybe Casey Stengel would have intentionally walked more guys if he had infielders he thought could turn a double play.

Is it fair to call Mike Pelfrey a disappointment?

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In short: No.

I mean, it depends on your definition of “disappointment,” of course, and what your expectations were for Pelfrey when he joined the Mets in 2006 — I know my own were certainly sky-high. But if you’re citing his draft position as evidence that he hasn’t lived up to his potential, I urge you to consider the following chart I spent my morning compiling.

I went back through all the drafts since 2001 and compared the career fangraphs WARs of every pitcher selected in the top 10 overall. That’s not the most comprehensive means of comparison, I know, but I figured it’s a good way to get a quick-and-dirty sense of a pitcher’s value. Then I eliminated the guys from the last three drafts, figuring it’s not anything like fair to compare them to established pitchers so early in their careers.

Then, with Moneyball in mind, I removed all the high-school pitchers from the list to try to make the comparison a little tougher on Big Pelf. There were 12 high-school pitchers drafted in the top 10 overall picks since 2001, four of whom (Gavin Floyd, Zack Greinke, John Danks and Clayton Kershaw) have since outproduced Pelfrey, three of whom never threw a big-league pitch.

So the following is the list of all college pitchers selected in the top 10 overall from 2001-2008, omitting both instances where a pitcher did not sign with the drafting club.

It’s 29 guys, and Pelfrey ranks eighth among them in fWAR. Certainly he’s not Justin Verlander or Tim Lincecum, but I’d hardly call a guy who has produced in the upper echelon of top-drafted pitchers “a disappointment.” Obviously teams drafting pitchers that high are hoping for aces, but there’s so much risk involved that landing a suitable innings-eater should be at least a satisfying outcome. Disappointments include the 10 guys on the list with zeros or negative numbers next to their names.

Year Pick Pitcher Team Total fWAR
2001 2 Mark Prior Cubs 15.8
2001 3 Dewon Brazelton Devil Rays -0.6
2001 6 Josh Karp Expos 0
2001 7 Chris Smith Orioles 0
2001 8 John Van Benschoten Pirates -0.8
2002 1 Bryan Bullington Pirates -0.8
2002 9 Jeff Francis Rockies 16.5
2003 3 Kyle Sleeth Tigers 0
2003 4 Tim Stauffer Padres 2.3
2003 8 Paul Maholm Pirates 13.9
2004 2 Justin Verlander Tigers 32.4
2004 3 Philip Humber Mets 3.5
2004 4 Jeff Niemann Devil Rays 5.3
2004 6 Jeremy Sowers Indians 3.3
2004 10 Thomas Diamond Rangers 0
2005 6 Ricky Romero Blue Jays 9.8
2005 8 Wade Townsend Devil Rays 0
2005 9 Mike Pelfrey Mets 8.6
2006 1 Luke Hochevar Royals 7.4
2006 2 Greg Reynolds Rockies -0.6
2006 4 Brad Lincoln Pirates 0.2
2006 5 Brandon Morrow Mariners 8.3
2006 6 Andrew Miller Tigers 2.8
2006 10 Tim Lincecum Giants 27.9
2007 1 David Price Devil Rays 10.4
2007 4 Daniel Moskos Pirates 0.2
2007 6 Ross Detwiler Nationals 1.5
2007 8 Casey Weathers Rockies 0
2008 4 Brian Matusz Orioles 2.6

Taco Bell movin’ on up?

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For Yum! Brands Inc. (YUM)’s Taco Bell, thinking outside the bun means going gourmet.

The chain that once used a talking chihuahua to sell chalupas is working with Miami chef Lorena Garcia to win back eaters who have become accustomed to Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc.’s (CMG) style of Mexican fare. Menu items will include Chipotle staples such as black beans, cilantro rice and corn salsa, Greg Creed, Taco Bell’s president, said last month.

– Leslie Patton, Bloomberg.

Like 15 people alerted me to this news so I figured I should note it here — and thanks to all for the heads up — but I’m not sure it’s actually “news” per se. If you’ll recall, we heard reports of a “Chef’s Signature line” at Taco Bell as early as a month ago, and if that doesn’t imply “fancier versions of Taco Bell stuff,” I don’t know what does.

Also, it seems like a lot of people are taking speculation from industry experts and sources and running with it as fact here, and I’ll believe that Taco Bell will abandon traditional Taco Bell products when I’ve eaten the world’s last MexiMelt and not before.

Clearly Greg Creed is making some changes at Taco Bell — some of them long-anticipated — and I suppose a new line of gussied-up products to compete with Chipotle is a sensible one to try. But let’s not go assuming Taco Bell is going to become a straight-up Chipotle knockoff, because a) that’s not going to happen and b) I’m pretty sure no chain working to become Chipotle would simultaneously release a taco made from Doritos.

Long live Fourthmeal.