Twitter Q&A-type thing, part 2

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I should tread lightly here because I always find it annoying when people spend too much time deconstructing their own jokes (not that I have any exclusive claim to the blame-Beltran thing, for that matter). But pretty frequently now I’ll make some sarcastic comment blaming Beltran for something and someone will reply — with no lack of vitriol — to let me know that the joke is dead and I’ve killed it.

But killing it is kind of the point, no?

I don’t know. Come to think of it, I don’t really want to explain why I think it’s funny or why I think repeating punchlines ad infinitum is funny because I’m concerned trying to put it into words will make it stop being funny. But right now it still cracks me up to blame Carlos Beltran for ridiculous stuff, and as long as that’s the case it’ll continue. And I also think it’s funny when people who don’t think the jokes are funny get all riled up about them, because I have innate troll instincts. So, you know, SPOILER ALERT: Probably not going to stop.

Hmm… let’s see. Total guesses, obviously: I’ll say 15 percent chance Reyes gets dealt, 65 percent chance Beltran gets dealt, 30 percent chance Rodriguez gets dealt. That sound right?

I know many Mets fans and media think Reyes’ departure is a done deal, but it has never seemed that way to me. Obviously there’s some chance he goes because he’s in the last year of his contract and he’s awesome, but since the Mets will need to get something back that’s better than two high draft picks, it’s going to take a pretty big deal. And I’m still not convinced they won’t make a run at re-signing him.

Beltran, sadly, seems most likely to go. He’s in the last year of his deal, he’s hitting, and he has a clause in his contract that (selfishly) prevents the Mets from offering him arbitration after the season to collect the draft picks if he leaves in free agency. I have no idea what he’ll return in a trade.

I didn’t put the percentage higher than 65 because a) he could get hurt, b) the Mets could stay on the fringes of contention and determine he’s worth more to them, even for a couple months, than whatever he’d bring back in a deal, and c) working out trades is difficult for front offices, and though the Mets will have plenty of motivation to deal Beltran if they’re not near contention, he does have a reasonable amount of money still coming his way this year that could limit flexibility, plus the no-trade clause.

The 30 percent number might be optimistic for Rodriguez. I’m sure they’ll try.

Well first of all, I’m going to go ahead and argue that if the egg is on the outside of the sandwich, it’s not a sandwich. Looking at you, croque madame. I know a lot of people will bill that as a sandwich, but that’s a messy meal you need to eat with a fork and a knife, and once you’re picking up utensils you’re basically spitting on the grave of John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich. There are plenty of delicious sandwiches that can be a bit unwieldy, sure, but to me a sandwich by definition has to at least make an effort toward portability.

As for an egg inside the sandwich, that I’m fine with. At least in concept. It just so happens that I’ve been down on eggs lately for some reason. It happens sometimes; I eat a bunch of egg sandwiches and then I get sick of eating eggs. But in the past, at times when I am enjoying eggs, I’ve certain enjoyed them atop burgers.

One time I had a fried chicken sandwich with an egg on top, which felt like a great way to demonstrate our species’ dominance over the chicken. Sadly, the sandwich was a bit disappointing, because it turns out chicken doesn’t really go that well with egg, and the runny egg yolk got the fried-chicken breading all soggy.

 

 

Twitter Q&A-type thing, part 1

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We’ve got to roll at least two deep on this because good questions are streaming in.

Kielbasa, and here’s why: While “kielbasa” can apparently refer to many different variations of sausage around the world, here in the U.S. when you order a kielbasa you have a pretty good sense of the sausage you’re getting, and it’s pretty reliably delicious.

Because there are so many variations of chorizo and we haven’t settled on one particular variety to be called “chorizo” yet in this country, when you order chorizo you risk winding up with a sausage that can actually be kind of gross. And I know that sounds like heresy, but there are some nasty sausages out there, and I’ve definitely seen some of them billed as chorizo.

Don’t get me wrong: Some of the most delicious sausages I’ve eaten have been called chorizo too, and at a reputable establishment selling good chorizo it is often the case that the particular chorizo is better than most kielbasa. But though I could argue that chorizo has a higher ceiling than kielbasa, it decidedly has a much lower floor. So if we’re dealing in abstractions here I’d have to choose the Polish offering, at least if we’re only talking about the reasonably standardized version we encounter here in North America.

No, because if we’re so far removed from reality that we’re imagining a world in which I could throw harder than 60 miles an hour, we might as well go for it and fantasize that I’m mowing guys down, in which case the Yo Quiero Taco Bell thing would probably get pretty annoying.

Instead, I think a nice way to pay homage to Taco Bell and celebrate all my strikeouts would be to play the sound of the Taco Bell that rings when you hover over the logo on TacoBell.com. Also, if I were a closer, that would tie-in nicely with my preferred choice of bullpen music, Dr. Dre’s “Keep Their Heads Ringin’.”

Oh indeed:

Sandwich song

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Apparently the main criteria for getting a job producing television for children is doing a ton of drugs. Works out pretty well here. Via Brian Bassett:

I don’t play the bass with a pick myself, but I wholeheartedly endorse playing the bass with a sandwich for a pick. Only problem is that’s going to get the strings really greasy, and that’s a real pain in the ass. Take it from a guy who has a lot of experience playing the bass with greasy fingers.

Apparently we’re talking about the fence again

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Sandy Alderson makes measured rather than rash decisions. He even brought Oliver Perez and Luis Castillo to spring training to observe those players before dumping them, despite public clamor for their immediate ousters. So it is entirely consistent that Alderson left Citi Field’s measurements unchanged for the 2011 season, his first presiding over the team as general manager.

That does not mean alterations will not take place next winter.

– Adam Rubin, ESPN.com.

Rubin digs up some good quotes from Sandy Alderson from the time Alderson reworked the fence at San Diego’s cavernous Petco Park and gets data from Greg Rybarczyk of hittrackeronline.com, so the whole piece is worth a read.

It’s worth noting that according to most park-factor metrics I can find, Citi Field has hardly been the most extreme pitchers’ park in the league. I’ve found five sites charting park-factor stats online: ESPN.com, baseball-reference.com, seamheads.com, parkfactors.com and statcorner.com.

All of them show Citi Field playing as at least a slight pitchers’ park, but none of them put it at the bottom or even in the bottom three for run-scoring environments. And I seem to remember fans almost unanimously hoping for a pitchers’ park before the place opened in 2009. Also — and this is a big thing people seem to overlook all the time — visiting teams have to hit in Citi Field too.

Most of the sites do show that Citi is a tough park to hit home runs in, which, naturally, our eyes also show. Of course, it is an especially hard park to hit home runs in when you’re trotting out a lineup full of guys that don’t often hit home runs, as the Mets frequently do. And there’s a lot more to how a park plays than the distance of its fences: the batter’s eye, the amount of foul territory, the lights, the wind.

Regardless, there’s little doubt the perception around baseball is that the park is damn-near impossible to hit the ball out of, and at this point there’s nothing you or me or Troy Tulowitzki can do to dispel that. Many suggest the stadium has had psychological effects on certain Mets hitters, but I try to avoid armchair psychoanalysis here.

What I would say is that if Alderson concludes that some minor alterations to the wall would in some way benefit the team for the long haul — enticing free agents, drawing more fans to the park because chicks (and many other people) dig the longball, whatever — then why not? I was never a fan of the current fence aesthetically from the start, with the weird and unnecessary nooks and crannies, so maybe the Mets can upgrade the park cosmetically and eliminate a talking point that has probably always been a bit overblown.

Thanks to @sky_kalkman, @thomasTSKH, @jeffpaternostro and @nmigliore for helping me find park-factor stats via Twitter. Dan at Baseball Crank put together a useful roundup of the Mets’ home/road splits since they started playing at Citi Field in 2009.

Bryce Harper embracing it

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Check out what Bryce Harper did last night:

Over at HardballTalk, Craig Calcaterra wrote a thoughtful and well-reasoned piece about why, if Harper is going to be playing with guys older than he is, he needs to act older than his 18 years. Calcaterra argues that Harper should take the high road and pay back bean-balling Sally League pitchers with home runs.

I say screw it. Take the low road, Bryce Harper. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, by blowing that kiss to that pitcher, Harper flipped over the end of the spectrum from intolerable entitled brat to completely lovable heel. Remember that this is the kid who grew up rooting for the Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys and Duke and who, when asked to describe himself in one word, first considered “gorgeous” then settled on “Hercules.” This is a Shooter McGavin in the making.

And yeah, you know and I know that he’s just a kid and that kids do and say stupid kid things all the time like we did when we were kids, but at this point — with the hype and the money and the expectations and the eye-black and everything — there’s pretty much nothing Harper can do that will endear him in the eyes of baseball fans outside of DC by the time he reaches the Majors, if and when that happens.

Obviously the big drawback is the beanballs, which will likely only pick up as Harper advances and will probably serve to tone down his act a bit in the long run. But make ’em teach you, Bryce. Admire your moonshots. Maintain that godawful mustache. And maybe armor up a bit. The baseball world needs bad guys, and due to your unique situation, the crosshairs have apparently settled on you. Smile back and blow a kiss. Here’s hoping you make the bigs in time to have A-Rod pass you the torch.

Mets draft some guy, then some other guy

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With the 13th pick in the Rule 4 draft, the Mets selected outfielder Brandon Nimmo. With the 44th pick, they chose pitcher Michael Fulmer.

Both players are 18, so we should have a much clearer picture on whether they’ll contribute anything meaningful to the Major League Mets in about five years.

Notably, both were committed to play at Arkansas, meaning the Mets seemingly drafted based on talent over signability, which appears to be a positive sign. And maybe Paul DePodesta just wanted to wave a big middle-finger at the Razorbacks’ program for some reason, ivory-tower hotshot that he is.

Toby Hyde and Mike Diaz, who actually know about this stuff, have much more on Nimmo and Fulmer over at MetsMinorLeagueBlog.com. Alex Nelson has the scoop for Amazin’ Avenue.

Mets fans all over the Internet have strong opinions on the picks because people always feel the need to have strong opinions on everything. Twitterer @RobertJamis is doing vigilant work retweeting all the most negative reactions, many of which are pretty entertaining.

Naturally, if and when the Mets sign Nimmo and Fulmer and they start performing in the low levels of the Minor Leagues, Mets fans everywhere will become unduly hyped about both and start inking them in to the team’s future plans. Then if they do advance to the Majors, they will be deemed busts if they’re anything less than superstars.

Whoa

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This day got away from me quickly.

The MLB draft is tonight. You might remember that I don’t get too fired up about the event, mostly because I know next to nothing about the players involved and won’t have any idea if they’re good Major Leaguers for several years.

But hey, if the draft is your thing, enjoy it. Toby Hyde and Mike Diaz have done a ton to preview it at MetsMinorLeagueBlog.com and should be on top of news tonight, so follow along with them if you somehow don’t already.