Well technically I said “everything hurts” and not “Everybody Hurts,” but I’ll confess I sort of have a soft spot for R.E.M.

I guess really there’s no spot anyone has for R.E.M. that’s not soft, is the thing. What I’m saying is I don’t hate them as much as some of my contemporaries do, mostly because I think the song “Stand” is hilarious and it makes me happy every time I hear it. That’s at least partly because it was the theme song for the amazing Chris Elliot show Get A Life, but also because I love singing along with the “NOW FACE NORTH!” background vocal parts.

And furthermore, “Everybody Hurts” would make for hilarious closer music. I’ve been through that before though.

Oh man, that’s such a good question, and one for which the answer would inevitably change every time I attempted it. Thing is, in an actual desert-island scenario I’d probably try to go with a good mix of genres so I had something for every possible mood. But let me start with the obvious ones and see where it goes.

First, Dark Side. Maybe that’s a cliched choice or whatever, but there’s just no way I could imagine life without having access to the last five-song sequence there, which might be the pinnacle of human achievement. And it sucks that it’s such a short album because if I can only choose five I feel like I’m giving up some music then, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. I like to think of what it must have looked like when Pink Floyd first sat down and listened to that album all the way through, with the ridiculously triumphant ending and everything. “OK, yeah, I think we’re good bro.”

Second, James Brown’s Love Power Peace live album. There are going to be some funky times on this island, and I can think of no one better to provide the soundtrack than the Godfather of Soul, Mr. Please Please himself. I like James Brown’s live stuff better than his studio recordings, and this incarnation of the JBs features Bootsy and Catfish Collins and funk trombone hero Fred Wesley. No Maceo, sadly.

OK now it gets really hard. No way I can get by without something from the Beatles, though, which means I’ll take Abbey Road.

Man, that gives me nothing after 1973, and, truth be told, none of the albums I actually listen to most on the day-to-day. I’m panicking now. I gotta choose between Dr. Dre and the Wu-Tang Clan? I guess I’ll go with Enter the Wu-Tang because East Coast and everything. After that… I don’t know.

My 7th grade self would be disappointed in me if it wasn’t Nevermind, my 10th grade self would be disappointed if it wasn’t Punk in Drublic, my 12th grade self would be disappointed if it wasn’t Odelay, and various incarnations of me would want the eponymous Rage Against the Machine album. Punk in Drublic, though, contains “Jeff Wears Birkenstocks,” which is one of the few songs absolutely guaranteed to make me happy, so that might give it an edge. But a bunch of CAKE albums need to be considered too.

How about a little optimism? I’ll go with yes. Is that Mets-fan Polyannaism? Maybe. But as I’ve written countless times, Sandy Alderson should be able to see the value in Reyes, since Reyes is an elite 28-year-old shortstop. I think the whole not-a-Moneyball-player talk is overblown by people who either didn’t read or didn’t really understand the point of Moneyball.

The Mets have a ton of money coming off the books and, as a big market baseball franchise with a television network, have a steady stream of money coming in. They should have no problem finding the money to re-sign Reyes, especially if they can find a part-owner to increase their financial flexibility. The decision should come down not to if they can but if they should, and given how infrequently players like Reyes become free agents and how slim the pickings at shortstop will be otherwise, it seems like re-signing him will be a smart move.

Hu has been brutal, and since Justin Turner can back up shortstop in a pinch it doesn’t seem like there’s much need for him on the team.

But are people really down on Lucas Duda already? And look: I know I can’t go killing Hu because of 18 at-bats then screaming about small sample size with Duda, but there’s actually evidence that Duda can hit — which doesn’t exist with Hu. Duda has suffered from a brutal .205 batting average on balls in play in the Majors (compare to a career Minor League rate well over .300). Even before his power explosion in 2010, Duda got on base at every level in the Minors. He should eventually do so in the Majors too. He just needs more than 115 plate appearances to prove that.