Baseball!

On my drive home from DC yesterday I had a doozy of a blog post swimming around in my head. It aimed to detail the trip itself, with the determined pace of the cars on the road and the Packers and Steelers flags flying from side-view mirrors, and suggest that the road made for a better pregame show than any of the slick-suited barking on television. It was to contain the line “the air was crisp with Super Bowl zeitgest,” and it would at once indict and celebrate the grand annual festival for capitalism that concludes the NFL season, investigating our near-religious adherence to rituals and ultimately condemning either the league’s owners or the citizens of the United States of America for their excesses. Something like that. It was to be a towering achievement, I promise.

Then the game happened, and the Packers won. One of the game’s best quarterbacks outplayed another of the game’s best quarterbacks, and there were some spectacular catches and hilarious commercials and epic halftime show blunders.

And then this morning, walking up Madison Avenue in the sunshine, I realized I felt nothing. Excited as I was for the Super Bowl on the length of the 5-hour drive, I no longer harbored any desire to pen the single most important piece of sportswriting of this century — or at least not if it pertained to last night’s game. The Super Bowl is what the Super Bowl is: Just another diversion to help us pass time until baseball season.

The Super Bowl has that in common with pretty much everything else besides baseball season.

On Twitter today, news trickles in from Port St. Lucie as the first Mets arrive in camp. Bullpen catcher Dave Racaniello is in the house. Josh Thole survived the perils of air travel. Things vaguely pertaining to baseball!

Baseball!

That is all.

Fooled you!

I’ve just been sitting at my desk all day, doing my work and writing these posts, right? WRONG!*

If I’m making good time, I’m probably somewhere just north of Baltimore right now, on my way to DC. If all has gone according to plan, I ate something from the Millburn Deli a little while ago.

This site has been on auto-pilot all day, so if there were any big developments in sports or Taco Bell that I haven’t yet mentioned, that’s why. Sandwich of the Week will come at some point this weekend, but I don’t know when yet. And it probably won’t be the Millburn Deli sandwich; that will probably come next week.

For now enjoy Soul Coughing (lyrics NSFW):

Also this:

* – I love this construction. Every time they use it on local news broadcasts — which is like every night — I laugh my ass off. Really effective for fearmongering too. “There’s nothing deadly about lipstick, right? WRONG! Scientists now say…” Right? WRONG!

Well here’s something weird

After a harried day in the office, meal planning may be the last thing on your mind. It might be evident on your face, though.

That’s the premise behind an interactive technology Kraft and Intel recently introduced called the “Meal Planning Solution.” The kiosk-like display, which is likely to show up in at least one retail location this year, is meant to help weary shoppers find new recipes during last-minute grocery trips.

Forget filling out a profile of favorite recipes and ingredients, though — this bad boy scans your face to figure out what you may be interested in cooking.

Erica Swallow, Mashable.

Just wanna make something clear: We’re basically talking about phrenology here, right? I mean, there’s no conceivable way a scan of my face could actually know what I like to eat. Unless — and I really hope this is the case — it just goes based on how fat you are. So like a skinny person goes up to the kiosk and it spits out the recipe for a salad and I go up there and it’s all, “Bacon and Butter Souffle.” Mmm…

Also, is it only going to tell you to eat Kraft products? I know that a good 92% of food in any grocery store is produced by Kraft anyway, but is it just going to keep telling everyone that the science of facial imaging suggests they want mac and cheese? And if so, is that really a bad thing?

And furthermore, oddly creepy. What do you want with a scan of my face, Kraft?

Via Jorge.

The forthcoming Jose Reyes decision

A bunch of people have asked me, via a bunch of different media, what I think the Mets should do about the forthcoming Jose Reyes decision. Reyes, as you know, is slated to be a free agent after this season. Now Jon Heyman has tweeted that the Mets will let him play the full season to prove he’s healthy before they extend him another contract.

This is a tough call. If Reyes stays healthy for the full the season and plays as he is capable of — as he did from 2006-2008 — he’ll have little motivation to rejoin the Mets beyond what he always says (and what most players always say) about loving the organization and the city and everything else. And if all that happens, he can count on a massive payday.

If the Mets work to extend Reyes before he demonstrates he can stay on the field and be productive, they risk paying him big money to stay on the disabled list or put up the underwhelming numbers he did in 2010.

Sandy Alderson has said that “stolen bases are a footnote” to winning baseball, a quote many construed to mean Reyes is a goner after the season. But even if Reyes stole no bases at all from 2006-2008, he would still rank among the premier shortstops in the Majors. In fact, since 2006, Reyes has been third among all shortstops in OPS, behind only Derek Jeter and Hanley Ramirez. And he does steal bases at a high enough clip to make them worthwhile, so, you know gravy.

Many will — and have — argued that Reyes’ value is in his legs and so signing him to a multi-year extension could be foolish, as he will inevitably slow down over time. I think that undercuts the man a bit. There’s plenty of value in his bat and his glove too. Both of those, of course, require his legs (his slugging percentage is at least partly inflated by his ability to take extra bases) but certainly not the way stolen bases do.

It has long been supposed that Reyes, who is deceptively broad-shouldered, will develop more power in time. Only he’s 27 now, and it hasn’t happened yet. It’s worth noting, too, a tidbit Rob Neyer passed along today: While players hit their offensive peaks in their late 20s, they hit their defensive peaks from 22-25. Reyes may never again be the elite defensive player he was when he came up.

So what to do? We — I — like Reyes; he is a homegrown and enormously talented young player. If he succeeds in 2011 and the Mets re-sign him, the deal may be so expensive as to prove costly down the road. But if they determine he is not worth the massive salary he is likely to command (the Yankees, recall, may be looking for a shortstop soon enough), they will be accused of penny-pinching and small-market Sandying and everything else.

There’s no obvious answer, but to me the best solution seems like exactly the opposite of what Heyman says the Mets are doing. If the team determines early in the season that Reyes is again capable of getting on base at a 35-percent clip, it can work to lock him up long enough before he hits the open market to maintain some part of the discount afforded by his last two underwhelming seasons. There’s more risk that way, of course (he could get injured or revert to being a leadoff hitter with a .321 OBP).

But then that supposes that Alderson and Reyes’ agents are willing to negotiate in the season. So really I’ve got nothing. No easy answer. My bad.

Twitter Q&A-style product

Maybe going to the well too often with this feature, but here we go again:

People ask me some form of this question a lot. Usually it’s just Chipotle vs. Taco Bell. Here’s my thing: Do I have to pick one?

As far as I’m concerned, Chipotle, Baja Fresh and Qdoba are one thing and Taco Bell is a totally different thing. Taco Bell is faster, cheaper, and fast-foodier. Taco Bell falls in the same category, I think, as regional taco chains like Taco John’s, Del Taco and Taco Time, none of which hold a candle to Taco Bell. Taco Time, in particular, sucks. Del Taco is OK but most of its allure is in its lack of East Coast availability.

Like Taco Bell, Chipotle is also awesome. I find it consistently better than QDoba and Baja Fresh though I’ll admit that my exposure to the latter is limited. Also, one time I filmed a short movie I never actually edited in a Chipotle in Virginia, and the people were totally cool about us setting up a tripod in there and such. The movie was to be called, “Burrito, Interrupted.”

No, not unless Jason Statham’s career takes a big left turn somewhere. I saw The Mechanic the other day. It wasn’t his best. I feel like — and this I honestly believe, I’m not just saying it because he’s an awesome ass-kicking machine — Statham is better than a lot of his movies at this point. The writing in The Mechanic was so awful, predictable and wooden that it almost felt like Statham was being sarcastic half the time. And while some of the sequences were reasonably awesome, there was never that edge-of-your-seat celebration of motion and explosion and the human capacity to process rapid-fire images that I’ve come to associate with great contemporary action movies, so the whole thing was a bit of a letdown.

I’ve said this before, but I think Jason Statham should play Bond. I know he’s not quite as polished as the traditional tuxedo’d Roger Moore Bond guy but there’s got to be a reason the newer Bond movies all suck, and I suspect it has something to do with the producers being slow to grasp the reality of the modern badass action hero. Now for your brother:

Yup, I even applied. I had no clips and had never produced anything scripted besides my sketch comedy show in college, so I cranked out 50 pages’ worth of screenplay a couple days before I had to send in the application. It sucked and I didn’t get in. I’d like very much to write a sitcom someday, but that’s not an easy field to break into.You know what? This might be heresy but I don’t think either of them has particularly great hair. Please don’t tell them I said this, but Polamalu’s is a frizzy mop and Matthews’ is a stringy mess. I don’t understand why long and unkempt is equated with good. You can’t just grow out any old head of hair and expect people to revere it. Now Mark Sanchez, that’s good hair. Laurence Maroney has good hair too. But obviously Joe Namath is the standard-bearer for NFL hair.

Fun fact: I had longish hair coming out the back of my football helmet as a sophomore in high school. Not like Clay Matthews long, just like, I don’t know, Jeremy Shockey long. I looked like an idiot.

I’ve actually tackled this before. The caveat is that I’d have to be an awesome hitter and/or reliever, or else the songs don’t sound nearly as cool. But my walk-up music would be the section starting at the 1:25 mark in Ozomatli’s Super Bowl Sundae, and my closer music would be Dr. Dre’s Keep Their Heads Ringin (lyrics NSFW), though I’d obviously have to use a radio edit. But I will say I also think the Ave Maria would be a particularly badass choice for a completely dominant fireball closer, because I think it’d be completely terrifying to hear such a beautiful song being pumped through the stadium P.A. while a guy threw 98-mph warmup tosses, sounding the death knell for your chances of winning.