Sizzle, steam, smash!

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Far away from a customer base in the United States that knows the delights and agonies of late-night taco dining, paid for entirely with pocket change, Taco Bell seeks a higher level of trendiness in South Korea. The new store’s menu appears on an LED board. Wall hangings display a succession of culinary mood words: sizzle, steam, smash….

It remains to be seen whether Taco Bell will prosper here, or elsewhere in Asia, over the long term. Since Taco Bell last existed here 15 years ago, little has fundamentally changed in the way people eat. What’s different is how they decide where to eat. In the world’s most wired country, two of every five people, according to some estimates, maintain a blog. One of South Korea’s preeminent search engines, Naver, has a special category for “powerbloggers,” many of whom love writing about food. Taco Bell has held special events for these bloggers, hoping to win their approval.

– Chico Harlan, Washington Post.

Taco Bell pilgrimage, anyone?

I’m a little put off to hear that Taco Bell sees the need to hold special events for the so-called “powerbloggers” of Seoul while I’m here doing all this stuff to promote their brand and they do nothing for me. Where’s my special event? Where’s my three-story Taco Bell with fancy LED menus and food-mood buzzwords plastered all over the walls? I’m stuck with the Worst Taco Bell in the World in Elmsford, N.Y., where I sometimes wait 18-minutes at the drive-thru and never, EVER get a red shell on my Volcano Taco.

But, all that said, here’s to Taco Bell’s success overseas. This is obviously a big step toward winning the Franchise Wars.

Also, Chico Harlan sighting.

Most triumphant

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“We’ve been working on it for the past couple of years, honing that idea and getting it into shape,” he continued. “[Screenwriters Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon] are working on it now. The bottom line is that we still all feel like we need to sit down and look at a script and see if it’s everything that it can be before we set about doing anything with it.”

Winter wasn’t able to divulge much about what “Bill & Ted 3” will focus on, though he emphasized that the movie won’t be “cynical.”

“The essence of what we’ve always wanted to do is to make a ‘Bill & Ted’ movie,” he said. “We don’t want to make a cynical ‘here’s Bill and Ted — you guys are our kids, now YOU guys go be Bill and Ted and the franchise can live for another 25 years!’ It’s not that. It’s a straight up, what’s the funniest and most surprising take on where Bill and Ted would be right now if we stopped back in on them? That’s what we’re doing.”

– Josh Wigler, MTV Movies Blog.

The “Winter” being quoted here — just to clarify — is not Edgar, but Alex Winter, as in Bill S. Preston, Esq., he of Wyld Stallyns fame.

Winter, who is apparently a director now and not just still acting under the pseudonym “Barry Pepper,” confirmed that a third Bill and Ted movie is in the works, which is obviously awesome news.

The only complaint I have about the originals is that now every single time I show up anywhere with someone named Bill — and there are a lot of people named Bill, so it happens a lot — people are all like, “oh hey, Bill and Ted! You guys coming from an excellent adventure or a bogus journey? Get it? Bill and Ted!”

Wait, did I say complaint? I actually don’t really mind that at all. I think it’s pretty awesome because it reminds me of those movies and how great they were.

Anyway what concerns me about Winter’s quote above is the part about the “most surprising take on where Bill and Ted would be right now if we stopped back in on them.”

Ahh… hello, Alex Winter? I was under the impression that Bill and Ted would be united the world with their bodacious music by now. That’s why they need Eddie Van Halen, and that’s why they need a triumphant video, etc. Remember?

I guess Rufus came back from the distant future, so perhaps the full impact of Wyld Stallyns’ awesomeness was posthumous, but the end of Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey sure made it seem like they were on their way to creating a utopian future through rock.

So I guess I’m interested in seeing what the hell Alex Winter’s talking about. Also: STAY-SHUN!

Someone should protect Bryce Harper from himself

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Well, future Nationals superstar Bryce Harper definitely has all the tools to be a proper international superstar, at least judging by his favorite sports teams. He was on D.C. radio on Wednesday (and Tuesday, for that matter), and he identified the teams he roots for. It’s out of the official Villain’s Guide For Choosing Loathsome Front-Running Sports Teams.

– Dan Steinberg, D.C. Sports Bog.

It turns out Harper, the Nats’ first overall draft pick, grew up rooting for the Cowboys, Lakers, Yankees and Duke. This fresh on the heels of an interview last month in which, when asked to describe himself in one word, Harper first considered “gorgeous,” then settled on “Hercules.”

Probably if the Nationals are willing to invest $9.9 million in Harper over the next five years, they should also shell out some 80 grand a year for a full-time media coach to travel with the kid and work with him to make sure every single sports fan in America doesn’t hate him by the time he reaches the Major Leagues.

Because the Harper backlash is so strong at this point that I actually feel bad for the kid. There’s video out there, somewhere, of me at 17, on CNN, sanctimoniously ripping Bill Clinton for cheating on his wife, suggesting, essentially, that it’s going to lead to widespread moral decay. I’m not particularly ashamed of it — I was 17 — but it’s not at all indicative of the way I think anymore. Plus I’m pretty sure the CNN producer led me a little bit, if I recall correctly. I just wanted to be on TV.

Not only is Harper 17 years old, he’s a 17-year-old who was hitting 550-foot home runs and plastered all over the cover of national sports magazines at 16. That’s gonna do all sorts of things to your teenage head.

So yeah, he comes off like a jackass, but think back to how you were at 17, and consider that you probably said some pretty jackassy things too. Or you certainly would, if you could hit 550-foot home runs. And if you’re 17 now, I hate to say this, but you might very well be a jackass. No offense. (The fact that you’re here suggests you may be wise beyond your years. Please keep reading.)

Also, for what it’s worth, Harper grew up in Las Vegas, so it’s not like there are a lot of natural fits for sports teams for him to root for. You’d think he’d pick the Runnin’ Rebels over f#@$ing Duke, though.

Supposedly Stephen Colbert testifies here somewhere

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I’m told that Stephen Colbert testifies at some point in this C-Span clip, but I’m almost 20 minutes deep and so far it’s all just sucker MCs hogging the mic. They show Stephen Colbert a couple times so I know he’s in the room, and he’s got a smirk on his face that pretty much announces that as soon as he does something it’s going to be awesome, but still, nothing.

This is so boring. If I ever get elected to Congress I’m going to have to appropriate a ton of taxpayer money for notebooks for all my doodling.

Does anybody care?

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This is where it’s at for the Jets as they prepare for an appearance under the bright lights of NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.” If reputation means anything, it’s a precarious position to be in. In terms of NFL regular-season platforms, none is bigger. The Jets’ mission, obviously, is to beat Miami. They have some control over that.

What no one in the organization can control – not Ryan, Woody Johnson nor Mike Tannenbaum – is how NBC will portray the team during nearly four hours encompassing a pregame show and the game itself.

When the tilt is over, how will America view the Jets?

Will the team’s image take a further beating?

– Bob Raissman, N.Y. Daily News.

Follow-up question: Who cares?

Look: DWI is a stupid thing to do and it sure seems like everyone involved knows that by now, or at least says they do. But since when have the Jets — the Rex Ryan, middle-finger Jets — cared about the way America viewed them?

And even if they did, what difference does it make?

The first two pages of the Daily News’ sports coverage were dedicated to more coverage of Braylon Edwards’ crime, the top half to Woody Johnson’s disappointment over the incident — he’s disappointed!? No! I thought he’d be thrilled! — and the bottom half to Mike Lupica’s disappointment with due process and the nature of the American judicial system.

There’s also Raissman’s page, with this screed wondering how NBC will choose to portray the Jets, two pages of fantasy-football advice that could be ripped straight from the pages of Duh! Magazine — stay away from Reggie Bush?! — and a Jets notebook piece mostly dedicated to the Edwards thing but with one item about Mike Nolan’s new defense in Miami:

There is a notable difference in the approach of the Dolphins defense. Mike Nolan was hired on as defensive coordinator and has instilled his aggressive 3-4 sets to unsettle opposing quarterbacks with cornerback blitzes and varying packages.

“I’m still going to try to beat him like he stole something,” Ryan said of his former co-worker with the Baltimore Ravens.

Last week, Nolan’s unit forced four turnovers (three interceptions, one lost fumble) against the Vikings and the week before limited the Bills to 166 yards of total offense.

Wait! That only gets like two inches and there’s a whole page speculating about what Bob Costas might say about Braylon Edwards? I want to hear more about that. That’s actual football stuff! I haven’t seen the Dolphins at all this year, and I had no idea they were running a different defense.

And look, I know all about how Raissman’s paid to be a media critic, and all the other writers at the Daily News are just doing their jobs, selling papers. I get it. I’m certain if we had more content streaming in here at SNY.tv I’d be begging columnists for more Braylon coverage, more Jets, the people want Jets, it drives traffic.

I just fantasize about a utopia in which I could spend my morning commute reading about actual football stuff.

Stephen Colbert so f#@$ing awesome

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Apparently Stephen Colbert is testifying before the house immigration subcommittee this Friday. In character.

His testimony will relate to his experience participating in the Take Our Jobs initiative put on by the United Farm Workers union. The initiative invited people to come and try the jobs that illegal immigrants do now, like farm work, to see if they’re really taking jobs that Americans want. Since Colbert was one of only 4 people who took them up on the offer, he’ll be testifying about it.

Why he’s doing it in character isn’t entirely clear, but I suppose he’s got some fans in Congress who wouldn’t mind spicing up what would surely otherwise be a very boring subcommittee.

– Adam Frucci, SplitSider.com.

Wait, it’s not entirely clear why Stephen Colbert is testifying before a Congressional subcommittee in character? How about because a) that’s just an awesome thing to do and b) Stephen Colbert never breaks character.

During my senior year of college, I co-ran a big fake campaign for a fake candidate for Georgetown’s student-body president against some of the precise sort that end up on house subcommittees, and I can attest that most of them demand to be taken seriously. And Colbert is so good at his role that he’ll be able to impart exactly the information he wants to get across while remaining true to his character and simultaneously mocking the entire process.

Take note, Joaquin Phoenix. This is how performance art is done.