A victory for reason

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By now you know that the Mets returned Jenrry Mejia from whence he came, dispatching him to Binghamton to start games.

Good.

All things considered, Mejia’s stint with the big-league club didn’t go as terribly as it could have. His 30 big-league appearances likely did not cripple his development, and it’s impossible to determine the value of some Major League experience. Maybe seeing how hitters caught up to his fastball will inspire him to hone his secondary arsenal in the Minors. Who knows?

Of course, Mejia likely would have been more effective, and those 30 big-league appearances more valuable to the team, if the Mets had started him out in the Minors working on his changeup and curveball and then — if they were absolutely desperate for a reliever — advanced him to the big club later in the season as he approached his innings limit.

But whatever. Past mistakes are in the past. Though the Mets’ front office should not be excused for starting the season with Gary Matthews Jr. and Mike Jacobs in the lineup and Mejia in the bullpen, it should at least be commended for recognizing those errors and moving forward. Baby steps.

Familiar face Bobby Parnell will join the Mets’ bullpen in Mejia’s stead. He heads to Flushing off a solid run in Buffalo; the fireballer posted a 4:25 K:BB ratio since May 1 while whiffing more than a batter per inning.

So that’s good too.

“Kramer, I never thought I’d say this, but that’s not a bad idea.”

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Jerry Seinfeld will call a Mets game with for mer man-crush Keith Hernandez — 18 years after they paired for a classic “Seinfeld” episode.

Seinfeld, a diehard Mets fan, will join former Amazin’s star Hernandez, now an SNY analyst, and play-by-play man Gary Cohen in the booth for at least three innings during next Wednesday’s Mets-Tigers game.

– Michael Starr, N.Y. Post.

I left the typo in the first sentence because it makes it look like “merman crush,” and that’s an entirely different thing — albeit, who knows, maybe appropriate when Keith Hernandez is involved.

ABC was on to something when they tapped a comedian for the Monday Night Football booth in 2000. Problem was, they picked the wrong comedian. Dennis Miller’s material is esoteric and tightly scripted, so it almost always felt forced when he interjected his jokes into otherwise interesting football games.

It’s a shame, then, that the experiment was such a notable failure that no one has ever thought to revisit it. A funny, improvisational comedian would probably add more to the enjoyment of a televised sporting event than 90% of the analysts employed by networks. Who would you rather hear dissect a baseball game: Tim McCarver or Bill Cosby?

I don’t think the addition of Jerry Seinfeld to SNY’s booth for a few innings represents anything more than the combination of this network’s effort to keep Mets broadcasts interesting and Seinfeld’s own vanity. But at the risk of sounding like a shill, I’m excited for it.

The Animal

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Fun fact: When I was in 5th grade, my Little League teammates called me “The Animal.” I’m pretty sure it stemmed from one particular collision at home plate, but whatever. The important thing is that when I came up to bat, the boys on our bench would sing a commercial jingle attached to a badass toy truck of the same name.

It went:

The Animal!
The Animal!
Can anything stop (bum-ba-bum-bum)
The Animal?

I was frequently stopped, but it felt pretty awesome to walk to the plate with that accompaniment.

Anyway, as Chris Carter transitions from Quadruple-A slugger and Internet cause du jour to full-fledged folk hero, I think it would be cool to revisit the work started by the Halperin Shoes squad back in 1991. I don’t propose he replace “Real American” as his walk-up music since that’s part of his appeal, but the jingle should be used to celebrate his on-field accomplishments.

I don’t know how to make this stick since I’m certain I don’t have that type of reach. But after Chris Carter gets a hit, sing a round of “The Animal.” You’ll look crazy at first, but tell all your friends and see if you can get it to catch on. It’s catchy, after all, and a great way to celebrate the super-intense, Stanford-educated grandson of an endearing blind man.

It goes like this:

Maybe he just liked Euro Trip

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Actor Matt Damon engaged in some lengthy good-friend hunting at Philippe New York on Friday – much to the amusement of former Knick Patrick Ewing. According to one eyewitness at the Madison Ave. restaurant, the hunky “Bourne Trilogy” star “shuffled around the dining room looking for” his dinner mates with a “confused” look on his face.

Unbeknownst to Damon, his befuddled performance was thoroughly enjoyed by Ewing, who watched the actor with a big smile “because he knew Damon was lost.” After a couple of laps around the restaurant, our source says, Damon finally realized his friends were in Philippe’s private cellar.

– Gatecrasher, N.Y. Daily News.

All my nightmares end with Patrick Ewing pointing at me and laughing.

And it begins

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This particular clue appeared in a mock version of  [Jeopardy!} in December, held in Hawthorne, N.Y. at one of I.B.M.’s research labs. Two contestants — Dorothy Gilmartin, a health teacher with her hair tied back in a ponytail, and Alison Kolani, a copy editor — furrowed their brows in concentration. Who would be the first to answer?

Neither, as it turned out. Both were beaten to the buzzer by the third combatant: Watson, a supercomputer.

For the last three years, I.B.M. scientists have been developing what they expect will be the world’s most advanced “question answering” machine, able to understand a question posed in everyday human elocution — “natural language,” as computer scientists call it — and respond with a precise, factual answer. In other words, it must do more than what search engines like Google and Bing do, which is merely point to a document where you might find the answer.

– Clive Thompson, New York Times Magazine.

This article is far too long and fascinating to properly excerpt here, and I heartily recommend you check it out if you’ve got a half hour to kill.

The piece explains how “Watson,” I.B.M.’s supercomputer, determines the answers (well, the questions, but that’s semantics) to Jeopardy! clues. Plus it outlines the machine’s limitations and describes how it matches up with humans.

Because I’m a big fan of both Jeopardy! and information that forbodes a dystopian future, the story is important to me for obvious reasons. But on top of that, I happen to live in the tiny hamlet of Hawthorne, N.Y. where this is all going down. So I’m at ground zero for the inevitable robot uprising. That’s terrifying, but also kind of awesome.

Upon starting the article, I initially considered how perfectly it set up a Ken-Jennings-as-John-Henry scenario, wherein Jeopardy!’s folk hero hurriedly scribbles his correct Final Jeopardy! answer before collapsing at the podium, winning the match but losing his life in the process.

But it turns out the machine has pretty much no shot of beating Ken Jennings, which is even more awesome. A team of scientists can spend years working on a computer specifically designed to succeed at Jeopardy!, and it still can’t match the best human contestants. Also, Ken Jennings can walk and give lectures and, presumably, love. Suck it down, Watson.

Also, Ken Jennings probably wouldn’t do this:

In another game, Watson’s logic appeared to fall down some odd semantic rabbit hole, repeatedly giving the answer “Tommy Lee Jones” to several clues that had nothing to do with him.

Well that’s ominous. The machines have targeted you, Tommy Lee Jones.

To be fair, though, former roommate Ted points out, “that sounds like something I’d do when drunk and shouting Jeopardy! answers at the TV screen.” And he’s right. I’ve seen him while drunk and watching Jeopardy!, and that does sound like something he’d do. So maybe Watson was stewed.

In any case, the article suggests that Jennings himself will take on the computer in a forthcoming televised Jeopardy! exhibition. Smart money is on the humans. For this round, at least.

DC’s meathead fashion show continues as David Segui takes to the runway

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The grand jury investigating Roger Clemens for perjury has already seen such delightful fashion choices as Brian McNamee’s bold mullet-with-sponsored-tie look and Jose Canseco’s daring bedazzled sportcoat.

David Segui went for a more conservative number, just a white button down and some khaki shorts, but he livened up his look with his accessories: a porkpie hat, terminator sunglasses and a manbag.

From the Daily News:

To deal or not to deal?

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Mike Salfino and Dan Graziano both wrote columns for SNY.tv about the Mets’ approach at the trade deadline. Salfino says the Mets should target an upgrade at second base, and Graziano argues they should go all-in for pitching.

I feel almost exactly the same way I did a year ago tomorrow: Patience is key. These Mets, exciting as they’ve been and awesome as they’ve looked, still have a lot of uncertainty. Roy Oswalt or Cliff Lee would sure make ’em look a lot more likely to stay in the race, but with a couple of injuries and the regression of some young players, no one pitcher would make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying it will happen, only that it could. Remember that last year fans were clamoring for the team to trade prospects for Mark DeRosa.

I’m just not certain Mark DeRosa would have spelled the difference between the 2009 Mets and a pennant contender.

Luckily, with the trade market still developing, not many are suggesting any imminent deals for the Mets.

One potential outcome that scares me: Word is the Mets are interested in pursuing Cliff Lee in free agency, but that the Mariners want Major League-ready prospects for Lee now. I’m terrified the Mets will deal a package of good prospects for Lee at this year’s deadline, then feel pressured to re-sign him to an above-market deal in free agency, costing them the compensatory draft picks they would earn if he walked.

That may sound like typical Mets-fan paranoia, but it’s a very similar situation to the one the Mets faced with Kris Benson, only amplified. Lee is much better than Benson ever was, but he’ll cost more talent in a trade and much more money in free agency. He’s an awesome pitcher, no doubt, and he’s incredibly likely to help whatever team he’s on for the next few years. But expensive long-term contracts for 32-year-old pitchers is never great business.

Euroball

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I like this one. Talking to Sand Gnats’ German catcher Kai Gronauer, with a little bit of context up top: