The Mets are reportedly pursuing John Lackey. This, of course, follows reports that the Mets won’t pursue John Lackey and confirms reports that the hot-stove season is a giant typhoon of nonsense and we shouldn’t believe anything we read.

Scott Boras says, “Chronological age does not have anything to do with a player of [Johnny Damon’s] genetics.” R. Kelly agrees, “Age ain’t nothing but a number.”

Sammy Sosa says his new skin tone is due to a European moisturizer. European, huh? Likely story. Early returns on retired Sammy Sosa suggest we can look forward to a lot more weirdness.

A slimmed-down Eddy Curry showed up at Knicks practice yesterday. It remains to be seen whether he’ll be any good at basketball, or at least good enough to be traded to clear cap space.

Stephon Johnson and Jessica Bader debate whether anyone cares about the Yankees’ 27th title at the Perpetual Post. Howard Megdal and I had a similar discussion on Perpetual Post radio on Monday.

And speaking of the Perpetual Post, Akie Bermiss, Zoe Rice and I discussed one of my heroes, Norm MacDonald, earlier this week.