Little-known fact: I did my master’s studies in Arts and Humanities, an interdisciplinary arts program I began immediately after giving up my dream of a career in sports journalism. I had no solid plan in mind for turning it into an actual job, but it seemed like — and was — a damn fine excuse to move out of my parents’ house, meet interesting people, and learn a whole lot about a bunch of different stuff I found interesting.

It was through my coursework there that I developed my still-unfinished plan for Dawn of the Awesome, the art manifesto aimed to foster appreciation for the spectacular and unsubtle, one I detailed in greater length in July.

Anyway, to better utilize my long-dormant arts background and to forward awareness of my art movement, Awesomeism, I’m starting a new non-sports feature on this blog in the vain of From the Wikipedia and Culture Jammin’: Art Attack.

The debut Art Attack installment: The Berg Manifesto

The Berg manifesto, amazingly, was not written by me. In fact, unbelievably, it’s not even about me. It’s about The Berg, a proposed 1,000-meter tall manmade mountain for Berlin, Germany by architect Jakob Tigges.

The Berg would stand about 1,000 feet taller than any other currently extant man-made structure, a literal mountain of unapologetic Awesomeness right in the heart of Berlin.

Oh, and it’d be great for skiing, apparently. And a safe haven for mountain goats, too.

Needless to say, this has to get done. Naysayers in the Popular Science comments section say things like, “oh, it’ll affect the weather.” Damn right it’ll affect the weather! It’s a f@#$ing mountain! You think people haven’t been living beside huge awesome mountains since the dawn of civilization? Think of the goats, guy!

A bunch of others bring up more practical applications for the money that would need to finance the Berg, and one even says, “Just because we can do something, does not mean that we should.”

What? No! That’s exactly why we should do something. Do you even understand the fundamental tenets of Awesomeism? Sometimes tremendous and awesome things don’t need a reason. That’s the whole point.

This absolutely needs to happen. It’d be, at the very least, the most certain way the city of Berlin could earn my tourist dollar, not to mention my utmost respect.

Still, because people somehow doubt that this would be a good idea, proponents of the mountain have penned The Berg Manifesto. And to make it even more awesome, it’s all loaded up with Schadenfreude:

Hamburg, as stiff as fat, turns green with envy, rich and once proud Munich starts to feel ashamed of its distant Alp-panorama and planners of the Middle-East, experienced in taking the spell off any kind of architectural utopia immediately design authentic copies of the iconic Berlin-Mountain.

Suck it down, Hamburg! You too, Munich! Yield to our ridiculous homemade mountain! Do you have a giant mountain in the middle of your city? No, I didn’t think so. And yeah, Dubai, we et that you’ve got some pretty awesome buildings, but do you have any giant mountains? Bow down to our architectural utopia.