Matt Cerrone and Eric Simon are running down their all-decade lists for the Mets, and for lack of anything more interesting to write about, I figured I’d weigh in with my anti-all-decade team. Because I’m just that snarky and just that bored.
To qualify, players had to play in at least 50 games at their position for the Mets. And they had to have failed miserably, at least based on my own completely subjective standards.
Catcher: Omir Santos, 2009. This might be the most controversial choice on the list, because ol’ Extra-Base Omir is responsible for at least as many good memories (the Omiracle) as bad ones, and he shouldn’t really be faulted for earning Jerry Manuel’s favor early in the 2009 season. But Santos makes the squad as a representative of the Mets’ frightful disdain for adequate sample sizes, evidenced both by the team’s willingness to trade Ramon Castro after Santos’ hot start and the baffling, unforgettable decision to pinch-hit Santos for Castro with the game on the line, after Castro was already 2-for-4, and while Santos was in the bullpen, not even anywhere near the action.
Other candidates were either way too good (Mike Piazza), way too likable (Jason Phillips), completely serviceable (Vance Wilson), or had at least one decent season before outing themselves as crappy (Paul Lo Duca).
First base: Mo Vaughn, 2002-2003. Vaughn actually hit 26 home runs for the Mets in 2002, and again, it’s not really his fault Steve Phillips thought he was worth bringing in after an impressive batting cage session. But Vaughn stands today as one of the Mets’ most massive failures, both literally and figuratively, for his inability to stay healthy or play even a semblance of defense. Too bad, too, because by most accounts he’s a really good guy.
My lasting memory of Vaughn’s time on the Mets will always be the sight of him hurling one into center field while attempting to throw the ball around the infield during David Cone’s first comeback start in 2003 on an absolutely miserable April day at Shea.
Second base: Miguel Cairo, 2005. This was a tough, tough choice, but Miguel Cairo earns the nod over various luminaries the Mets have trotted out to the second sack in the aughts. Signed as a free-agent after his only decent Major League season, Cairo proceeded to post an alarming 64 OPS+ for the Mets while starting 74 games filling in for the injured Kaz Matsui (also a strong candidate).
Cairo also lost points because the Mets actually started him at first base six times, which was mind-boggling. He was the poor man’s Alex Cora way before Alex Cora, and the first in a long line of Willie Randolph’s “guys” to accumulate far too much playing time.
Third base: Joe McEwing, 2000-2004. Inserting Super Joe into the third-base slot is sort of a stretch — he only played 57 games at the position in his tenure with the Amazins and many of them were as a late-game defensive replacement. But, frankly, he had to make the squad somewhere, and despite the Mets’ historical troubles finding an everyday third baseman, the position has mostly been filled admirably during this decade.
McEwing combined obnoxious grit with a complete inability to hit, tallying a 69 OPS+ in five seasons with the Mets. I felt a little bit guilty when I booed him mercilessly from a good seat in his new home in Kaufman Stadium in 2005, but not guilty enough to leave him off this squad. He was versatile, sure, and likable to many, but it can’t be that hard to find someone simply willing to play every position if he can’t hit at all.
Shortstop: Kaz Matsui, 2004-2005. Why does Matsui get the nod over Cora? Because people were actually convinced Matsui would be good. I wasn’t, for what it’s worth, but lots and lots of people were. So convinced, in fact, that the Mets were willing to move young Jose Reyes to second base to accommodate Matsui. That did not go well.
Before I had any sort of forum on which to spew my opinions about the Mets, I remember arguing with friends over Matsui’s merits before the 2004 season. I would point out that his career on-base percentage in the NPB was about 50 points lower than those of Hideki Matsui and Ichiro Suzuki, and they would always — always — counter that he was on the cover of ESPN the Magazine and thus must be good. He makes the team because of that argument alone.
Left field: Roger Cedeno, 2002-2003. Cedeno’s first stint with the Mets — in 1999, under the tutelage of Rickey Henderson — probably would have been enough to keep him off this list if it happened in this decade. But it didn’t, so here it is.
Cedeno manned mostly corner outfield positions in his second go-round with the club despite showing no appreciable and not getting on base enough to make his speed worthwhile. Plus, to paraphrase Keith Hernandez’s greatest quote, he played the outfield “as if being chased by bees.”
Center field: Carlos Beltran, 2005-current. This overpaid and oft-injured whining clubhouse cancer signed a mega-contract with the Mets before the 2005 season despite obviously hating baseball. Then he struck out with the bases loaded to end their 2006 season. HE DIDN’T EVEN SWING! HE SUCKS! TRADE HIM!
I’m kidding, obviously. The actual starter is Jeff Duncan, who posted a downright amazing 35 OPS+ in 69 games in 2003 and 2004. I actually liked Duncan because he walked 10 times in his first 46 plate appearances. Then, I guess, Major League pitchers figured out he wasn’t a free-swinger and just started putting pitches over the plate, where he couldn’t actually hit them.
Right field: Karim Garcia, 2004. Karim Garcia started 68 games in the outfield for the 2004 Mets. Somehow, and thankfully, I have managed to block all of them. He posted a .272 on-base percentage in the stretch and was so bad that I couldn’t go with my first instinct to ignore him and insert Marlon Anderson in the lineup, even though Anderson didn’t accumulate 50 games in right. I was going to argue that Anderson’s ample time in left made him a capable corner outfielder on the failsquad, but Garcia’s existence made it a moot point.
Starting pitcher: Jose Lima, 2006. Did Jose Lima hit the 50-game threshold? No, he stopped at four. But 50 games is a lot for a starting pitcher, and I really liked Jae Seo, and Lima’s four games of awfulness were so memorably bad that he makes the team just on principle. What was worse, he punctuated them with ridiculous posturing, the type of thing that’s exciting and fun when it comes from a great player like Reyes but completely intolerable when it’s pouring forth from one of the very worst starting pitchers of all time.
Relief pitcher: Jorge Sosa, 2007-2008. Sosa actually wasn’t terrible in 2007, and the Mets have had a lot of bad relievers over the past 10 years, but I couldn’t in good conscience pick someone who wasn’t on the 2008 team and Sosa was so bad in 20 appearances that I deemed him “The White Flag,” the human embodiment of forfeit. Plus it wasn’t like he was good enough in 2007 to make up for it, as Aaron Heilman was, or good enough at a specialty role, like Scott Schoeneweis.
Who’d I miss? Comment away and fill me in.
Tedquarters 
You need Mota in there as an RP, and I hate you for using Super Joe. I know he sucked, but that dude was the most likeable guy ever. If you hate Joe McEwing, you hate life.
Hahaha obviously Mota got heavy consideration, but like I said, it had to be someone from 2008.
And I couldn’t STAND Super Joe. I found his whole shtick so tiresome. There was a Super Joe guy on just about every sports team I ever played on, and I always hated that guy.
I still feel like the dude owned Randy Johnson, though. Plus, Super Joe is a top 10 all-time nickname.
Who is Karim Garcia? I have no respect for that guy.
I wish I could rec this.
Remember when Karim Garcia peed on a pizza place, and then beat up the delivery boy? Fun times.
I remember the Jeff Duncan era coming around the sametime as Moneyball and I was REALLY excited for him based on the great OBPs he always posted in the minors…a 35 OPS+ made me literally laugh out loud. The best part about his era was the fact that 99% of his at bats would start with him being up in the count 2-0 followed by the pitcher grooving 3 straight fastballs down the middle. Also no room for Rey Dirty Sanchez and his 27 OPS+ in 2003? Finally the White Flag was always Rick White (Flag). Can we possibly get an all mismanagement team? A palce for the Heath Bells of the world
Oh man, you want to talk about feeling guilty for booing someone. I was at a game once when the Mets were losing by a couple, and they brought in Rick White and he just let the floodgates open. The place was pretty empty to begin with and near cleared out by the time he was done, so we had snuck down to the seats right above the Mets’ dugout.
Obviously when White started off the field I booed my heart out, then as he entered the dugout, he looked up and we made eye contact. And instead of stopping, I just looked him right in the eye and said, “BOOO!” even louder. I can still see his face, he looked baffled and pathetic and miserable.
If anyone wnats to have some laughs go to B-R and check out some of the guys who were on the Mets from 2002-2004…James Baldwin, Scott Erickson, Brian Daubach
I’d take Mike Bordick for SS, mostly because we traded Mora for him. All we need was a guy to play a decent SS and he couldn’t even do that. Not to mention he ran back to the O’s after the season.
Roberto Alomar has got to be a no doubter for 2nd. I don’t even need to explain that one.
I hate that Santos is on the list.
Ditto on Bordick. The guy homered in his first at-bat, and then was basically useless the rest of the way. Even worse, he went back to Baltimore and then suddenly became productive again. I went to a few Os games when I moved down here, and I lustily booed him every time, a la Ted Beg with Super Joe in KC.
Bordick was so bad in the WS that Kurt Abbot was in the game to do some sort of belly flop in the general direction of Soho’s seeing eye single.
Had to be Heilman as the relief guy. For the life of me, I could never understand how someone that big, that throws that hard and with good movement could be so epically bad. I mean, it got to a point where I was calling sucker-punch HRs are sure enough….
Heilman was superlative out of the bullpen from 2005-2007. As painful as it was to watch him fall apart in 2008, he was just that good out of the ‘pen in the three seasons prior.
Heilman fell apart because of the pressure. Once Sanchez went down and he became the setup guy he started falling apart, especially during the 07 swoon.
Oh man, Lima Time. I was at that game in 2006 where Dontrelle hit the grand slam off him. I just realized that that was his last major league game.
Mo Vaughn was a great man. local seton hall grad with the appetite of beldar conehead. his high school nickname was ‘bombs away’ for his tendency to launch home runs as well as his ability to devastate public restrooms with his gastronomic adventurism. if there was ever a more worthy candidate for hall of fame enshrinement i have not met one.
id also recommend paul lo duca for biggest piece of garbage ever to where the orange and blue. a total overrated waste of life with the mental capacity of a stack of linoleum tiles. what a total loser.
“as well as his ability to devastate public restrooms with his gastronomic adventurism.”
Kendy Namo, that deserves a taco.
one of my best memories of mo vaughn was from 2002, a summer sunday afternoon game against arizona. in the bottom of the first inning vaughn was standing in the on-deck circle as mike piazza was batting. i had really good seats near the home dugout. during the at-bat, a heckler called out to vaughn and made some joke at his expense. i couldn’t hear what it was, but it caused vaughn and several people around me to laugh. vaughn didn’t take a single swing in the on-deck circle, he just stood there chatting with the guy in the stands. then he told the guy that the opposing pitcher (john patterson) sucked, and he was going to hit a homerun. after piazza single, vaughn strode up to the plate. he took a ball, and then clubbed the next pitch out of the park to give the team a 2-0 lead. (the mets eventually lost the game)
that sh@# was amazing.
My favorite Mo Vaughn memory: A Sunday late summer game against the Dodgers. Mo is on 2nd, there’s a flyout to RF, Mo tags up and actually beats Shawn Green’s throw to third! Problem is that when you’re Mo’s size and you start moving like that, you can’t stop. His momentum carried him off third and he got tagged out.
Mo Vaughn’s gastronomic adventurism: The most devastating thing to hit New Jersey since Action Park.*
*hat tip to James K for reminding me last week about Action Park. And no offense if any of your loved ones were injured there.
i think we both know it’s real name is “accident park,” ted.
oops, forgot the link!
http://www.swanfungus.com/2007/06/accident-park.html
We always called it Traction Park.
Action Park! Or should I say class action park?! I think that has to be your next wikipedia entry.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_Park
There is so much goodness in that article… it also makes me so thankful I survived.
You hurt me with the Super Joe. Of course, I didn’t actually know anything about baseball in those years.
God Bless America. How much time out of your very busy life did that take up?
Hey izzy, welcome back. It was a slow day at the office today and my life in general is really not that busy. I don’t often time my writing, but I’d guess it took roughly an hour, all told. Of course, I’ve spent the last 10 years researching it.
I was also at that game when Lima gave up the grandslam to Dontrelle, giving Willy a standing o when he left the dugout to get him and giving Lima a standing boo, had a feeling that that was the last of Lima time.
Great article btw
Victor Zambrano? Not his fault he is the poster-child for one of the worst trades ever made in American history, but still, his face everytime an opposing batter launched a HR was priceless, its like he was thinking “how did that guy hit that, I am so awesome at baseball, I can’t believe that guy hit my hanging 90 mph 2-seamer.”
Also, the memory of him running off the field after tearing something in his elbow was slightly sad and very comical…very much the story of the Mets in the early 2000’s.
Re: Kaz Matsui…I hate the guy for toying with our hearts after hitting his very first MLB pitch for a HR against Atlanta….Then doing it again the next season’s opening day….and then again hitting an inside the park HR in his first at-bat in 2006. It was like he only played for the 1rst game of the season, every time.
Karim Garcia…I usually think of him and Shane Spencer together. For some reason I don’t really differentiate between the two.
That’s because they both went out drinking together. I mean a platoon right field of karim and spencer, 2 yankee retreads. I always put them together too for coming to the team together and essentially leaving together.