Holy crap, Bob Klapisch

Sometimes I actually think people are a little too hard on Bob Klapisch. He at least thinks differently than his hordes of mainstream media columnist brethren, and sometimes he stumbles upon an interesting idea. And I think it’s become sort of a knee-jerk reaction among Mets fans to assume everything he’s written is bad and dumb and too harsh against the Mets without giving it a fair shake.

Then he writes something like this.

Holy crap, Bob Klapisch. First of all, this is completely pointless. If the Mets were going to move in the fences, they’d be working on it by now, and they most certainly wouldn’t have said yesterday that they decidedly weren’t moving in the fences. So this column is useless.

Second, holy crap. I’m sorry but some things require the ol’ Fire Joe Morgan treatment. Here’s to heroes Ken Tremendous, dak and Junior. Bold words are Klapisch’s. Here we go:

Whatever you think about the $66 million the Mets have invested in Jason Bay – whether it could’ve been better spent on John Lackey or tucked away for a run at next year’s elite crop of free agents – this much is irrefutable: Home runs have become the most critical currency at Citi Field.

Is that irrefutable? I could refute that. Wait, I don’t know if I can. Hold on a second. I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying here, Bob Klapisch. Why are they the most critical currency? Because the Mets didn’t hit many? Other teams did. Other teams hit plenty. Everyone forgets that.

It’s a ambitious change in philosophy, considering the Mets hit the fewest HRs in the National League last year.

No, silly! It’s an ambitious change in philosophy. Plus, I’m not sure the Mets’ decision to hit the fewest home runs in the National League last year was a philosophical one. Actually, I’m pretty sure it had to do with everybody in the freaking lineup getting hurt. But whatever, let’s move on.

With Bay coming off a 36-homer season in Boston, Mets now have the potential to rival the Phillies in sheer muscle. That is, if Carlos Beltran can stay healthy all year, if Carlos Delgado returns and David Wright finds his 2008 stroke.

And we haven’t even mentioned Jeff Francoeur, who could bat as low as seventh in this power-laden lineup.

Wow. And guess what? If the Carloses Beltran and Delgado were healthy all last year and David Wright had his 2008 stroke — even without Bay in the lineup — the Mets would not have hit the fewest home runs in the National League. They’d actually probably have landed somewhere right in the middle of the pack, and so your whole premise would be shot, and so no one would need to be writing columns about bringing in the fences at Citi Field. That’s the whole thing.

But wait, here comes my favorite part:

The Mets don’t appear to be close to any significant up grades [sic] in their starting rotation, so if they want to improve their run-differential why not maximize their HR quotient by reconfiguring the ballpark?

Differential? Maximize? Quotient? Klapisch must be onto something smart here, right?

Oh, wait. He’s just using big words to shroud the dumbest f@#$ing thing I’ve ever read. Reconfiguring the ballpark around the same crappy pitchers will not alter the home run quotient. Reconfiguring the ballpark will only make those pitchers allow more home runs. Yes, the Mets will hit more home runs, too, but they’ll be yielding more at the same time, since they’ll be playing in the same ballpark as the other team, no matter how it’s configured. Unless Klapisch has some plan in mind for a radical newfangled wall that changes heights between the tops and bottoms of innings, the home run quotient will stay exactly the same.

And then, the kicker:

According to ESPN.com’s park factors that were released Tuesday, Citi was the major leagues’ seventh-easiest place to hit a triple in 2009.

Holy crap, sir. You found your way to ESPN.com’s park factors? While you were there, did you miss the part that showed Citi Field played as a slightly homer-friendly field in 2009? Or, worse, did you see it and think, “meh, it doesn’t really aid my point about how the Mets should move the fences in so they can hit more home runs like the Yankees and Phillies, so I’ll pretend I didn’t see it and cherry-pick this tidbit about the triples”?

I’m done here. There’s more fodder for comedy, but I’m bored with it.

Look: I don’t know the truth about whether Citi Field squashes home-run totals and I don’t purport to. I don’t think anybody does. It certainly looks big and it’s obviously earned that reputation. But there’s no evidence yet that it plays big, and everything we’ve learned so far says that it takes years to reach a definitive conclusion about a park’s effect on ballgames.

It’s baffling how many people think otherwise.

11 thoughts on “Holy crap, Bob Klapisch

  1. You missed this fun one:

    “Club officials admit Wright’s transition to Citi was less than encouraging – he hit only five HRs at home – but are waiting to see how the third baseman responds to this year’s bolstered lineup.”

    Um, exactly how many home runs did Wright hit AWAY from Citi last year? Last I checked, 10 minus 5 was 5. Meaning, he hit the SAME $%&*# number of home runs at home as he did on the road.

    You’re right, this guy cherry-picks numbers to support the argument he’s already settled on, rather than letting evidence shape his opinions.

  2. Dude I love your blog!

    One thing I thought they may have done is shave the power alleys to fix the utterly stupid visitor’s bullpen design which I don’t how it even was constructed without someone stopping it. I mean clearly the power alley home runs will in fact be down and looking at Wright’s hit charts this did take HRs away, 9 I read somewhere in 09 alone.

    So while some tweaking of Citi I don’t think is out of the question, Klapsch’s reasoning is quite stupid. And like you said it probably needs to play out a season or two before they do it, but it’s not out of the question. Detroit did it and kept is pitcher friendly while making it more hitter friendly and I consider it one of the better parks.

    One moment of wisdom I think the Wilpons had in building Citi was the foresight of knowing you can always move fences in but not out. Look at the new Yankee Stadium’s numbers…ridiculous.

    • What the…Wilpons…foresight…moment of wisdom?
      *HEAD EXPLODES*

      In all seriousness, Klapisch is an idiot who was out of ideas and needed to hand something in at deadline. Hence, this mess.

      • That’s why I said *one* moment. If you give a monkey a typewriter…

        In all seriousness, as much as they screw up they do get some things right. Shake shack anyone?

  3. Ted, It amazes me, that with the economy the way it is that these never was has beens still have jobs for blowing smoke out into a column. Of course your not one of them, but your boy Cerrone is. The best copy and paste guy I’ve seen. At least even he gives credit where credit is due. Ted, get me the opportunity to get into the locker rooms or go up to Omar and Jeff Wilpon, to get the facts not theories.

    On that note did it ever occur to upper Management to go to the players or even the Fans that management claims is “So important to this organization” to get there take on what Citi Field should have or could’ve been built like. It’s funny Ted because I don’t recall getting a phone call on what I thought Citi Field should be built like. I sure did get emails and phone calls about being a ticket buyer though.

  4. Ted,

    I think you’re missing a very important piece here, and that’s that Taco Bell has a new commercial in which no less than three very attractive girls work at the register at a Taco Bell. Have you seen it, and can we get your take on this?

    • You mean with Denise? I have seen it, yes. I give the people what they want and I will eventually weigh in, but I need to have it TiVo’d first so I can watch it a few times beforehand. I warn you, though: It will most likely turn into a tirade against the Elmsford-area Taco Bell/KFC combo.

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