A nation mourns

I just found out that Glen Bell, founder of Taco Bell, passed away yesterday at 86. This is a sad day.

But Bell lived a long and complete life, and though his family should be in our thoughts, we should not forget all the wonderful, spectacular things he’s done for us. Especially that most wonderful, most spectacular thing: Founding Taco Bell.

So in honor of Mr. Bell’s amazing life and legacy, here’s the entirety of a guest post I made at RakeBlog a while ago, inspired by Glen Bell’s authorized biography, Taco Titan:

In Taco Titan: The Glen Bell Story, Debra Lee Baldwin’s biography of Taco Bell founder Glen Bell, Bell himself grants readers a special treat: His 60 “Recipes for Success.” Leafing through these suggestions, we learn that Bell is not just a great and inspirational soothsayer (little-known fact: Bell briefly launched a barbecue chain called Hickory Bell in 1969, long before the barbecue explosion of this millennium), but a man who practices what he preaches. Here I present to you several of Bell’s recipes, all of which are currently in practice at every Taco Bell restaurant:

#3) An innovative product will set you apart.

Did you know that Glen Bell invented the pre-formed hard taco shell? It’s true. He owned a hamburger stand that happened to be across the street from a tortilla factory, but he realized that tacos — stuffed then deep-fried — were simply too messy for mass production and consumption. So Glen Bell hired some guy to make him a rack out of chicken wire. That way, he could deep-fry, then stuff. Innovation!

#9) Always be on the lookout for a bargain.

Little-known fact: Taco Bell cash registers do not go past $20. It is thought to be impossible to spend more than that on Taco Bell food, no matter how many people you’re with and how much you buy. The price per item drops as you approach $20. Everyone who follows Glen Bell’s Ninth Recipe for Success eats at Taco Bell daily, because there is no better bargain. How people still starve is beyond me. Have they ever even heard of the Big Taste Taco? (Ed. Note: the Big Taste Taco is no longer available.)

#19) Volume is the key to profit.

Duh. Why buy one expensive taco when you can buy 30 cheap ones?

#22) The best ideas are often the most simple.

How’s this for a simple idea: We start with six or seven delicious ingredients. Then we combine them in as many ways as we can possibly imagine. Cheesy Bean and Beef Burritaco! Do it! It’s gold!

#36) Control your growth or it will control you.

If there were a Taco Bell everywhere Taco Bell consumers wanted a Taco Bell, there would be Taco Bells everywhere. All retail space would be occupied by Taco Bell because all matter would be made up of Taco Bell, and the only thought would be Taco Bell because the entire universe, and all of existence, would only be Taco Bell. So yeah, for the sake of life on Earth, it’s probably best that Taco Bell’s growth be controlled. Not for the sake of me getting some goddamned Taco Bell in Brooklyn, though. (Ed. Note: I no longer live in Brooklyn. I now live much closer to Taco Bell, thankfully.)

#37) Challenge employees to recognize problems. Reward employees who generate solutions.

A few years ago, there was a problem at Taco Bell. It was this: Delicious crunchy tacos are really hard to travel with. Sure, those of us with brilliant and benevolent Driver’s Ed teachers were lucky enough to learn the secrets of driving while eating crunchy tacos (hint: play the angles), but it’s a tricky undertaking. So Glen Bell, I assume, challenged his employees to come up with some way to incorporate crunchiness in a portable menu item. Behold: The Double-Decker Taco, the Crunchwrap Supreme, The Cheesy Gordita Crunch, etc. I assume that these problems were both recognized and solved by Taco Bell employees because I know that Taco Bell employees possess the solutions to all the world’s problems.

#58) Money is not a goal in itself but a means to an end.

This is a universal truth. Money is not a goal in itself. Money is only a means with which to purchase tacos.

14 thoughts on “A nation mourns

  1. I’m gonna stop at the Bell on the way home from work so I can pour out a cheesy bean and rice burrito in Mr. Bell’s honor.

    By the way, thank you for helping me learn that Taco Bell shares a name with its founder. I was not aware of that.

  2. So THAT’S why it’s called Taco Bell.

    On a related note, I’m seeking to start a casual fast food chain–a la Panera or Five Guys–that’s, as I call it, “East meets southwest.” We’re talking chicken teriyaki burritos, carne asada sukiyaki, a chipotle chicken tempura, stuff like that. I want to call it “The Taco Dojo.” We’re currently looking for investors.

  3. In regards to the whole “everything would be taco bell,” ever see demolition man? “Tonight we will be dining at……taco bell!!!”

      • Just making sure that the intricacies of the 3 sea shells aren’t lost on you, lol. But seriously, Taco Bell is the only restaurant left after the great franchise battle or whatever they call it. I cant believe dennis leary was so upset when he had such a sweet ride and all the taco bell he could eat.

      • Fun fact: In European releases, they edited out Taco Bell and edited in Pizza Hut. I assume this was done to make the future seem way less inviting.

  4. Apparently theres only 3 responses aloud on a single post soooooooo

    “Fun fact: In European releases, they edited out Taco Bell and edited in Pizza Hut. I assume this was done to make the future seem way less inviting.”

    The funny part about that for me is that as ive posted before my local taco bell is a “taco hut,” serving both taco bell and pizza hut. although noone ever gets the pizza hut.

    • The Taco Bell I grew up near was a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut combo, as was the better Taco Bell the next town over that we used to drive to when we didn’t want to deal with the nonsense at the nearby Taco Bell, which sucked (and which, because of a town ordinance, closed the drive-thru at 11 but kept the dining room open ’til 2 a.m., leading to all sorts of hilarious sketchiness).

      Clearly Taco Bell/KFC combos are a notch up in the Yum! foods pecking order, but the best of all are the uber-rare Taco Bell/A&W combos, where you can wash down your Taco Bell with a delicious root beer float.

      • Haha, yea i work near a KFC/A&W and its awesome. Its the tap root beer, man. Gets you every time.

  5. Wow! Glen W. Bell is related to a Hemingway and so does “Uncle” Alan Burton Hall! Both have connections to Pepsi-CO companies!

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