The 7000-calorie diet

According to this New York Post article, Rex Ryan consumes about 7000 calories a day.

Awesome. Disgusting, but awesome.

Here are some ways you could indulge in 7000 calories a day. These are all rough estimates:

Plan 1: The Bacon Day

Breakfast
Two eggs with bacon and cheese on a roll with ketchup and hot sauce. Starbucks whole milk Venti Latte. 16 oz. glass of OJ. Total: 1100 calories.

Lunch
Wendy’s Triple Baconator, large fries, large Frosty dairy dessert, large Dr. Pepper. Total: 2700 calories.

Snack
10 slices of bacon. Total: 500 calories.

Dinner
1/2 of a bacon explosion, can of Coke. Total: 2700 calories.

Plan 2: All Taco Bell

Breakfast*
Grande Breakfast Burrito, Breakfast Quesadilla with Sausage, Hash Brown Nuggets. Total: 1130 calories.

Lunch
Two Volcano Tacos, a Baja Beef Gordita, one order of Nachos BellGrande, one order of Cinnamon Twists and a large Pepsi. Total: 2100 Calories.

Dinner
Two Crunchy Tacos, a Crunchwrap Supreme, a Grilled Stuft Burrito, a 1/2-pound Nacho Crunch Burrito, a Caramel Apple Empanada and a large Pepsi. Total: 2700 calories.

Fourthmeal
An order of Volcano Nachos and a Crunchy Taco. Total: 1150 calories.

*- At participating locations in test markets only.

Plan 3: Just a bunch of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

All day long
35 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

Plan 4: One meal at Outback Steakhouse

Appetizer
Bloomin’ Onion. Total: 1560 calories

Main course
Baby Back Ribs with Aussie Fries. Total: 2310 Calories.

Drinks
1219 Calories worth of casual-dining awesomeness to get you drunk enough to make you forget you’re consuming 7000 calories in one sitting at Outback Steakhouse. No rules, just right.

Dessert
Chocolate Thunder from Down Under. Total: 1911 Calories.

Alright, I’ve spent way too much time on this. Enjoy thinking about eating 7000 calories a day.

18 thoughts on “The 7000-calorie diet

  1. I have to say, I’m rather surprised at the amount of food you have to eat at Taco Bell to get to that many calories. I thought I ordered a lot of food every time I went there, but I guess not, comparatively speaking.

  2. I don’t know why this became a ‘story’. I mean, i understand why Michael Phelps eats a billion calories, but it’s also obvious that Rex doesn’t burn 7000 calories a day.

    • The Post ran out of ways to say “the Jets are lucky to be here,” so they settled on “the Jets are fat.” It’s a pretty entertaining story, though — the anecdote about him sneaking a pizza into his room is pretty hilarious.

  3. A buddy of mine made the Bacon Explosion last year for the Superbowl. One bite and you feel like you ran up 5 flights of stairs. I recommend it.

  4. Can we combine all 4? Stuff a bacon explosion with volcano nachos, take a thick slice or that and place between two krispy kreme donuts. Wash it down with 1219 calories worth of casual-dining awesomeness to get you drunk.

      • While I envy your living my sports writing dreams, at least now I can take solace in being able to browse anything up to and including 4chan at work.

        If you have a smartphone, it’s definitely worth a latrine read.

  5. I enjoy your articles very much because they are spelled in an understandable perspicuous. So I can learn them although I come from Germany and have some problems to interpret English articles.

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