Look, I love Taco Bell. You all know that. Absolutely love it.
But I’m not one for blind faith in anything, and even I can’t go so far as to say Taco Bell can do no wrong. Case in point: The new Pacific Shrimp Taco.
Seriously, Taco Bell? No disrespect, but shrimp? Seriously?
Maybe this appeals to someone. Clearly it has to do with the new Drive-Thru Diet and Taco Bell’s vaguely misguided efforts to prop-up its healthier Fresco Menu, which I do not support.
I don’t know much about marketing or branding and whatever, but I know plenty about what it means to lose the crowd, and I know that Taco Bell is the company of Club Chalupa and Fourthmeal, and I recognize that too much effort put into hawking supposedly (and probably, in truth, not very) healthy items like the Pacific Shrimp Taco could eventually turn away folks like me who go there for their Fourthmeals.
Wait a minute: I don’t mean that. I could never mean that. I’m sorry I even suggested that, Taco Bell. I’ll never leave you.
But seriously, stop wasting your time creating healthy products. I think I speak for your base — Club Chalupa — when I say we’re just not that interested. If I were more concerned with my health, I wouldn’t be purchasing six pounds of food for less than five dollars. If I was trying to lose weight, I wouldn’t be eating my Fourthmeal of the day here at Taco Bell.
The shrimp doesn’t appeal to me at all, probably because the three summers I spent working in that wholesale/retail lobster farm turned me off to shellfish entirely. But even recognizing that some people like shrimp, and that some people might even be willing to try the shrimp served at Taco Bell, couldn’t you stuff it in a Chalupa and cover it in Lava Sauce like you know you can? C’mon, Taco Bell. You’re better than this.
The only thing remotely promising about the Pacific Shrimp Taco is the use of the Avocado Ranch Sauce, previously seen only on the Grilled Steak Soft Taco and the Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco (UPDATE: And the Grilled Chicken Burrito. H/T Catsmeat). I generally order only ground-beef products at Taco Bell, but I enjoy the Avocado Ranch Sauce enough to occasionally pick up a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
I’m hoping the presence of the Avocado Ranch Sauce on a featured menu item like the Pacific Shrimp Taco signifies a more prominent role for that condiment. Catsmeat reports that it is underwhelming when paired with ground beef, but I’m certainly willing to give it a try, and I’m not confident in the employees at my local Taco Bell to successfully substitute it for another sauce on a regular ground-beef item.
But to assume Taco Bell’s genius chefs will pair the Avocado Ranch Sauce with ground beef in short time would be to assume that experiments like the Pacific Shrimp Taco are only brief and ill-advised detours off the normal, noble path of crunchy, nacho-cheesy deliciousness. And for now, we can only hope that’s the case.
I have faith in you, Taco Bell. So much faith. Spicy, tangy faith. Don’t let me down.
Tedquarters 
I just assumed that the Bell was doing the whole shrimp taco thing because so many stores are paired with Long John Silvers. Easy enough to jam some seafood-like products in a tortilla, I suppose.
FYI – the Avocado Ranch sauce is also featured on the .99 cent chicken burrito.
Interesting point, but you’d think if that were the case, they’d do something to jam fried chicken in a taco, since there are so many paired with KFCs, and because fried chicken is so awesome.
Hmm good point. Too bad KFC is busy jamming fried chicken into, uh, french fry containers. What the hell is the deal with the boneless filet they’re advertising? How is that any fun?
Now you’re making me hungry…fried chicken taco? Yes please.
Because I had yet to hear of this Shrimp Taco at TBell yet (because I have managed to schedule my life to no longer watch many commericals during non-baseball season) I went to the TBell website to investigate. The website suggested that I pair this with a crunchwrap supreme. They are, it seems, totally concerned about my health.
I love taco bell, and I love shrimp. But they couldn’t pay me to eat shrimp from taco bell.
Seriously. I have very few rules in life when it comes to different foods, but I’m sure “no seafood from Taco Bell” is on there along with “don’t eat the .99 cent shrimp cocktail or the one-pound hot dog at Slots-A-Fun.”
Or Asian-buffet sushi. Ye Gods.
This is nonsense. Taco Bell should stop waisting their time with shrimp and get to work stuffing two chalupas with volcano sauce inside a large soft tortilla. Who wouldn’t want a volcano chalupa burrito?
I have always just simply avoided any type of seafood at fast food restaurants and thus far that method has served me well.
Unless its some sort of seafood specific fast food like a Long John Silver (which I have never had), then I’m pretty sure anything containing seafood will suck at a fast food joint.
Come on! There are some folks who really like shrimp (it, in fact, travels well frozen, so would not run the risk of arriving at each site spoiled) who might actually consider ordering at Taco Bell now that this option exists.
I like shrimp, but I don’t think I’ll ever find myself thinking either of the following thoughts:
“I am hungry and in the mood for shrimp. I should go to Taco Bell.”
“I am hungry and at Taco Bell. I should get the shrimp.”
You have shellfish issues stemming from “looking behind the curtain, so to speak, at a previous job… and you still dig on the dog-food grade (seriously, check it out) ground beef at the Bell?
Come over to the Fresco Tortilla/Chipotle Light Side of the Force, squire.
Nah, the shellfish issues are just from overexposure to shellfish in general, not from being disgusted by how its handled or anything.
And to Taco Bell’s reputation for using bad beef, I’ll say this: When I make tacos at home, they come out way greasier than the ones at Taco Bell, even when I use reasonably lean beef and drain it carefully. So I don’t know what that’s about, but it’s definitely a mark in Taco Bell’s favor.
Also — and maybe this is because I’ve spent 25 years developing a resistance to Taco Bell — I never feel sick after eating Taco Bell, no matter how much I eat. I can’t say the same for any other fast food place, really. Burger King makes me feel greasy and awful after one bite.
I’m wildly biased, clearly, but I think Taco Bell is better than its reputation. Also, loving Taco Bell and loving Chipotle are not mutually exclusive. I enjoy so many chain and non-chain Mexican food restaurants. Except Taco John’s, which is f@#$ing disgusting.
Personally I’m waiting for the pulled pork food items that were supposedly going to start popping up at Taco Bell in addition to the new shrimp items.
According to this blog, you’ve worked 41 jobs over 27 summers.
Ha, nearly. I started working as soon as I was old enough to, and I’m easily bored, so I’ve had a lot of jobs. Plus a couple summers I worked two jobs – one year at the lobster farm I was also doing summer school music lessons, another I was also vending at Shea.
The full slate of terrible and hilarious summer employment:
95-98: summer school music instruction to third graders
98-00: lobster farm
00: shea vendor
00: Jack in the box commercial
01-03: deli man
04-05: SAT tutor, layabout
I think that’s all. Somewhere in there I also interned at the Knitting Factory’s record company for part of a summer, but I bailed because the deli was more fun and more intellectually stimulating.