There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack….
We’re humans. We live on land.
Sharks live in water.
So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.
When I see on the news where it’s like, ‘There have been 10 shark attacks,’ I’m like, ‘Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.’
Ahhh, that’s a reasonable point I guess. I’ve got nothing.
Hat tip to my buddy Ron for an old link that I somehow missed.
UPDATE, 6:15 a.m.: Devon points out that Gilbert Arenas stole — or borrowed, or sampled — the shark joke from a comedian named Ian Edwards.