There needs to be a word for what Johan Santana did to the Reds tonight. Considering all the frivolities we keep track of in baseball, there should be an isolated stat for pitchers who throw complete game shutouts in which they also hit a home run. Shut ’em out, hit one out.

I know Jason Jennings did it against the Mets in his Major League debut because I was there. (Incidentally, there was a rain delay in the game and we moved down to the first row behind home plate and wound up taking advantage of an unbelievable opportunity to heckle Steve Phillips point blank.)

According to the Mets’ game notes, the only other Met to accomplish the feat was Pete Falcone in 1981. (For what it’s worth, that game featured both Mark Davis and Sparky Lyle pitching for the Phillies. Davis started the game, but the duo represent 22% of pitchers who have won the Cy Young Award as relievers.)

I assume Babe Ruth did it at least once.

Anyway, what’s important is that we come up with some formal way of documenting whenever a pitcher single-handedly dominates his opponent like Santana did tonight. What could that be called? A pwn? A Little League Shutout, since the feat happens all the time at that level?

Or what about “a Newk,” in honor of Dodgers great Don Newcombe, one of the best power-hitting pitchers of all time? By my count Newcombe only did it once himself, but he was a pioneer, plus he has spent his retirement working with ballplayers with substance-abuse issues. Seems like a good enough dude to commemorate.

Plus the name works perfectly as a noun or a verb. Johan Santana hopes to compile more Newks in his career. Johan Santana Newked the Reds tonight.

Hmm… on second thought, maybe “Newking the Reds” sounds a little too Cold War-oriented for a baseball frivolity. I’m open to suggestions.

7 thoughts on “Pwnage

  1. I had a perfect view of Jason Jennings’s home run – we were standing on the Right Field side, near the Dunkin’ Donuts/Baskin-Robbins setup, for his HR near the RF pole. I recall it was quite a rainy day, but one heck of a ballgame – not bad for free tickets.

    Anyway, back to the future, Santana was sick tonight. Totally dominated the whole way through AND providing his offense to boot. Glad Manuel didn’t take him out in the 9th (I think we all are, although he didn’t have a meeting long enough for his “I’m a man” speech).

  2. At least we know Johan isn’t “flat-out sucking.”

    I’ve taken too many unnecessary digs at Francoeur tonight…I must need sleep.

  3. This has got to be the third or fourth time recently you’ve mentioned the rain delay, moving down, and heckling Steve Phillips. Clearly an important moment in the life of Ted Berg.

  4. Great game for Johan! It must’ve been lots of fun to be there. Maybe this will be as memorable as moving down and razzing Steve Phillips

  5. Once during a heated session of FIFA 2009, a friend of mine exclaimed that he was “literally balling” on his opponent. When asked how one could go about “balling” on someone in the literal sense he responded that to literally ball on someone is to “get them on the ground and then be like, ‘(_____, get on my level!'”

    My friend may have been fairly intoxicated, but I think this is essentially what Johan did to the Reds last night. He literally balled on them.

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