Something about the Mets’ neat 4-0 victory this afternoon and the Fort Knox Five’s Insight got me thinking about at-bat music again.

It’s a topic I’ve touched on many times before and one I’ve been meaning to explore at greater lengths for a while.

I spoke to the guys who run the Citi Field p.a. a while back for the Baseball Show. They told me that their only qualification is that the section of the song be PG. Players can choose any section of a song — not just the intro, as I assumed earlier. Generally the player gets 10-15 seconds.

But what makes for good at-bat music? Well, a couple of things:

– Distinctive: This is most important, I think. A player’s at-bat music should be something that becomes inextricably linked with the player, and so it helps for the snippet to be memorable. When you hear that one specific horn riff from the David y Abraham song, you know that means Carlos Beltran’s coming up.

Generally, I think it’s best to choose a song people aren’t overwhelmingly familiar with. The backstory to Ike Davis’ choice of “Start Me Up” is a decent one and I don’t begrudge him the choice, but that’s such typical stadium fare that it’s almost hard to figure if Davis is coming up or if they’re just pumping Jock Jams for the hell of it.

There are exceptions, of course. The opening riff to Voodoo Chile worked great for Mike Piazza, and Rod Barajas’ use of Low Rider and California Love remains the most valuable thing about the Mets’ injured catcher. But none of those songs is standard for sports venues, so they can all be tied to the player by the fan.

In other words, familiarity isn’t necessarily advantageous. Distinctiveness is.

– Straightforward: As a relief pitcher, I would definitely, definitely pick something offbeat to get into my opponents’ heads. As a hitter, though, you don’t have that type of time. Ten seconds of some weird tune might raise a pitcher’s eyebrow, but it’s hardly going to get into his head. Just go for something good to get the fans into it. This is not the time for mindgames.

– Instrumental: Some guys go with songs with words, and for some guys that works. Wouldn’t be my choice. Then people get caught up in trying to figure out what you’re saying with the lyrics you’ve chosen. Make a statement with the music.

Incidentally, Mike Jacobs was using Eminem’s “We Made You” this season, and the first thing you heard whenever Jacobs walked to the plate was, “Jessica Simpson — sing the chorus!” That’s pitiful. You, Major League baseball player, want the first thing anyone to associate you with to be Jessica Simpson, and not because you’re dating her? I know Jessica Simpson didn’t even actually sing the chorus on that song, but that’s immaterial. Another wild swing-and-miss by Jacobs.

– With horns: Again, more of a personal thing. But horn sections make most things more awesome, and they provide a particular variety of fanfare for at-bat music. Trumpet your plate appearance with trumpet. And trombones and saxophones, too.

– With vibraslap: Thaat one’s almost certainly just me. The vibraslap is the percussion instrument that goes, “byoyoyoyoyoing!” or something like that. It’s a hilarious noise and one I’ve always thought should get more airtime blasting through the PA systems of 50,000-seat stadiums. You may recognize the vibraslap from Nuthin’ But a G Thang or any number of songs by the band CAKE.

Anyway, I’m pretty certain my at-bat music starts at the 1:27 mark in this Ozomatli song:

I guess one thing that’s important to note is that in my at-bat music fantasy I’m an amazing hitter. So, you know, late in some game — one the manager mercifully gave me off because I’ve been carrying the team for so long — they call on me to pinch hit and then “bum bum chickachicka bum bum chickachicka…”

Here comes that funky, funky man again.