Most days I don’t miss writing The Nooner. It was a bear, and we ran out of material. The K-Rod saga makes me miss writing for The Nooner. Here are some jokes. Many of these wouldn’t have made the show. They can’t all be zingers. Some of them are reprinted here from Twitter, in case you’re not on there:
Francisco Rodriguez underwent an operation on his thumb at the Hospital for Special Surgery yesterday. The doctor struggled and almost blew it completely, but eked it out in the end then celebrated like he won the damn Nobel Prize or something.
The Mets announced that they disqualified K-Rod’s contract, presumably because it grounded its club in a sand trap.
The disqualification allows the Mets to avoid paying Rodriguez for the services he will not render for the remainder of the season. Unfortunately they have no legal grounds to disqualify Luis Castillo, Jason Bay, Oliver Perez, Jeff Francoeur, John Maine, Alex Cora or Bobby Bonilla.
The MLB players association said it will contest the move if it can muster up the energy to defend a guy who’s so obviously a jackass.
If the disqualification holds, the Mets will be able to cut K-Rod in Spring Training at the cost of only 30 days’ termination pay, or, alternately, trade him to the Oakland Raiders, where he’ll fit right in.
Meanwhile, Rodriguez faces legal trouble for hitting his girlfriend’s father, Carlos Pena. Experts agree that given Pena’s .213 batting average this year, K-Rod probably should’ve just put one over the plate. But then, he’s never had much control.
Rodriguez has been charged with third-degree assault, second-degree harassment and first-degree neckbeard.
In K-Rod’s absence, Hisanori Takahashi takes over as the guy Jerry Manuel refuses to use in tie games and critical but non-save situations. But hey, that’s baseball!