A partial year in Tweets

I’ve got Christmas shopping and an upcoming vacation on the mind, and I’m struggling a bit to come up with anything to write about. But I’m vain enough to reprint things I’ve already published, and I figured revisiting the year via a selection of my own Tweets would make for a decent year-in-review post. Problem is, I can’t find a way to see any Twitter before May 26. So indulge me in a partial year in Tweets:

May 26: Oh thank god. I was concerned Fernando Nieve wouldn’t get in this game. #youhavetwomopupguysforjustthissituation

June 1: I am embarrassed and terrified by how few of NY Mag’s 101 Best Sandwiches in NY I’ve had. Looks like I’ve got a long night ahead.

June 3: ROBBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE JIM JOYCE!

June 4: An A-ball team is now calling batting practice “hitting rehearsal” to avoid calling it “BP.” That’ll teach ’em.

June 7: Prediction: Some guys drafted tonight will turn out good and others will suck.

June 11: You can scold Lady Gaga for wearing a bikini bottom to the Mets game, but you’re just jealous she can get away with never wearing pants.

June 15: Painter Thomas Kinkade was arrested for DUI Friday on an idyllic cobblestone road by the charming old lighthouse at dusk.

June 18: Campbell’s is recalling 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s. In a related story, there are 15 million pounds of SpaghettiO’s.

June 24: Obviously Johan Santana sucks now because he had extramarital sex with a woman on a golf course eight months ago.

June 30: Me, after filming five intros: “Does being introduced as ‘Hall of Famer Ralph Kiner’ ever get old?” Kiner: “How could that ever get old?”

July 4: Jeff Francoeur, who has a .718 OPS, said all the Mets OFs deserve playing time upon Beltran’s return since none is “flat-out sucking.”

July 8: Funniest outcome: LeBron James announces he’s signing with Olympiacos then suffers career-threatening finger injury while flipping everyone off.

July 16: Source: The Yanks would like to have Joakim Soria, distinguising them from all those teams that would not like to have Joakim Soria.

July 20: When managing an MLB roster, the most important thing to know is never, ever risk losing Fernando Nieve on waivers. Too risky!

July 23: Jason Bay has struggled all season, presumably because of something Carlos Beltran did.

July 29: Source: Adam Dunn is lazy, but won’t DH because he hates baseball so much he wants to torment it with terrible defense.

Aug. 5: Are we discounting the possibility that Brett Favre’s photos were actually aimed for his wife and intercepted?

Aug. 6: Why do crappy baseball teams lack the confidence that the good ones have? The world may never know.

Aug. 9: According to Alex Cora, if a team is committed to winning now, it should hang on to Alex Cora.

Aug. 12: Heath Bell leads the National League in saves, but he’s dead last in old men beaten up.

Aug. 16: Jerseyites always get all dodgy when you ask them about Taylor Ham, a local meat product. Be honest, Jersey: Is it people?

Aug. 21: I saw Wyclef Jean in concert once. It was awful. I left thinking, “I hope that man is never a head of state.” #votepras

Aug. 25: Look I know Jeff Francoeur hasn’t had a hit in two months, but please, give him credit: He’s had some really long at-bats.

Aug. 31: Will the media hordes follow Jeff Francoeur and his pursuit of 100 home runs to Texas?

Sept. 1: Don’t forget: Tommy Hanson and his longtime family friends will deny it, but he’s totally cousins with the band Hanson.

Sept. 5: Mets steaming as clubhouse cancer Mike Pelfrey draws ire for fantasy football grandstanding. “Thinks he’s John Madden,” grumbles one.

Sept. 5: My biggest regret is that I lived nearly 30 years without knowing about the sandwich I just ate. Holy hell. Everything is different now.

Sept. 10: Carlos Beltran should not have torn Johan Santana’s left anterior shoulder capsule.

Sept. 13: Paraphrasing Daily News: Jets should not have objectified this extremely sexy bombshell reporter. WITH SEXY PHOTOS!

Sept. 15: Pretty sure every single person at Citi Field is on the line at Shake Shack.

Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”

Sept. 27: Jets overcome injuries, penalties, widespread charges of moral turpitude to beat Dolphins, 31-23.

Oct. 3: Not sure why people are so fired up about Dickey pitching here. Doesn’t crack the top 1000 dumbest Mets moves this season.

Oct. 6: I think maybe Cee Lo Green is going to unify the planet in utopian harmony the way we thought Wyld Stallyns would.

Oct. 9: Knowing that Mariano Rivera has been to Taco Bell is like knowing that the Beatles met Muhammad Ali. Historic confluence of awesome.

Oct. 13: An errant dart just struck an unopened soda can and sent a stream of ginger ale shooting across the office. It was awesome.

Oct. 16: Jeff Francoeur’s rocking a historically great 3:1 FA:PT in the ALCS. That’s feature articles:pitches taken.

Oct. 18: Fox vs. Cablevision is like the Yankees-Phillies World Series of corporate disputes.

Oct. 19: Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver guarantees you’ll appreciate the broadcast you hear next. It’s like taking the donut off the bat.

Oct. 28: ALERT: Man in suit proceeding south on 5th ave. on a Segway.

Nov. 1: Will Tim Lincecum’s performance tonight help sway the vote on Prop 19?

Nov. 8: Even though the Giants debunked Moneyball, the Mets have hired Paul DePodesta.

Nov. 16: Charlie Samuels fired today? Dammit, I had Nov. 16 in the pool. Wait – noooooooo!

Nov. 17: It’s laughable that Bud Selig still thinks Abner Doubleday invented baseball. Everyone knows it was Wally Backman.

Nov. 21: Mets hire manager at 3 a.m. Pakistan Standard Time.

Nov. 22: It’s bizarre to me that many Mets fans who argued that Wally Backman has changed seem certain that Terry Collins cannot.

Nov. 28: What kind of party is it, exactly, that could prompt a man to defile the mashed potatoes?

Nov. 29: Apparently a WEEI caller today suggested that the Red Sox pay Derek Jeter $20 mil and bench him behind Marco Scutaro.

Dec. 3: In Colonial Williamsburg, everyone wore tight, tapered knickers and stayed ironically detached from the whole revolution thing.

Dec.6: OK Jets fans, this is awful. But we need to remember one thing: Tom Brady wears man-UGGs.

Dec. 7: Heard this: A mystery team has made a bid for an unspecified player. Terms not disclosed.

Dec. 9: To me, what the Mets are doing this offseason *is* exciting. Extremely so. I could hardly care less what makes headlines.

Dec. 13: Sandy Alderson is so much cooler than Mike Francesa.

Dec. 14: From the Internet today you’d get the impression that the Phillies won’t lose a single game in 2011. C’mon. They’ll lose at least 5.

Dec. 15: Most amazing thing about tonight’s Knicks game: I’ve now watched three straight Knicks games.

11 thoughts on “A partial year in Tweets

  1. I know this isn’t set up as a contest or vote but this tweet won over my heart:

    Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”

    Thanks Ted, happy holidays.

  2. Sept. 20: I’d like to score a role as the drunk in an action movie who sees something crazy then looks at his drink like, “whoa, that’s good stuff.”

    Total Fav.

  3. my favorite: “Oct. 19: Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver guarantees you’ll appreciate the broadcast you hear next. It’s like taking the donut off the bat.”

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