How I die

I got a hankering for some mozzarella sticks around lunchtime so I walked up to a little burger place near my hotel called Roxy. They didn’t have any on the menu, but they did have something called “Deep Fried Battered Bacon Planks,” so obviously I got that.

They weren’t just battered and deep fried bacon, I should add. They were covered in some sort of sweet and sour goo, like a slightly spicier General Tso’s sauce. And they were served, alarmingly, with country gravy for dipping.

Here’s what it looked like:

How was it? Well, I’m pretty sure that just about anything that’s battered, fried, covered in sweet goo and dipped in country gravy would be pretty damn good. The crispiness of the batter and the flavor of the goo drowned out the bacony aspects of the bacon, so it was really just a medium to transport the other ingredients. When I really focused I could detect a hint of porky flavor, but it was difficult to focus because my heart hurt.

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