Camels are terrifying

Via Stephen:

I think the reporter holds up pretty well, considering. I mean that camel basically starts eating her and she seems cool to do a second take. Plus you can’t even be like “oh how dumb is this lady to do a live report in front of a wild animal?” because she saw it coming a mile away. So kudos to you, NBC 12 reporter. You’re a real pro.

Ever been to the safari at Great Adventure? It’s awesome. They’re really strict about saying you’re not allowed to bring food in, but only suckers who want to keep their cars intact follow those rules. Everyone knows the object of the Great Adventure safari is to get as many monkeys on your car as possible, even if that means losing a sideview mirror to the monkey that gets pissed at its own reflection.

Anyway, if you’re absolutely certain you have enough food for the monkeys you can try to lure some other animals over to your car too. So one time, to mess with the high school girl I had riding shotgun (I was in high school too, lest you think anything strange was afoot), I rolled down her window and held out a celery stalk to a camel, then pulled it into the car. The camel leaned across her and ate it out of my hand, appropriately freaking her out.

Only then the camel, maybe himself knowing about the monkeys that came later on the safari, must have figured (accurately) we had more food and didn’t pull his head out. He just chilled there. Looking at us. Doing camel stuff.

For the first minute we thought it was hilarious. In the second we started getting nervous we’d get kicked out of the park — what with all the contraband carrots and celery in the car and the huge smoking-gun of a camel leaning into the window. Then in the third we became entirely impatient, like, “get out of the car you stupid camel we have monkeys to mess with!”

But the last thing we wanted to do was anger the 900-pound ungulate that was already partly inside my car, so rolling up the window or inching the car further seemed like a terrible idea. Thankfully, we were bailed out by the driver behind us, who had apparently also grown impatient. He started honking wildly — Jersey drivers, you know — which seemed to alert or distract or otherwise prompt the camel to exit my passenger-side window. Or maybe the camel just got bored of standing there.

Also apparently the monkeys at the Great Adventure safari are now behind cages because they caused too much damage to people’s cars. So that sucks. Those monkeys were all right.

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