For yesterday’s Baseball Show, Randy from The Apple asked me which Taco Bell menu item Jose Reyes would be if Jose Reyes were a Taco Bell menu item. This inspired Twitter discussion about which Mets best correlate with which products, and, ultimately, this post.
Jose Reyes: Volcano Taco. The Volcano Taco is fiery and awesome, one of the very best options on the Taco Bell menu. But like all hard tacos, its value is hampered by its brittleness.
David Wright: Crunchwrap Supreme. We got so excited when the Crunchwrap Supreme first joined and dominated the menu that it might now be the victim of its own hype. Nonetheless, the Crunchwrap Supreme is excellent. It can boast all the ingredients that make Taco Bell great, there’s just nothing about it that stands out as obviously spectacular.
Daniel Murphy: Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Sometimes the Cheesy Gordita Crunch is on the menu and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it seems soft, sometimes strong. Some people seem to overrate it, some underrate it. But it’s always pretty good, and due to its unique construction it’s pretty versatile.
Mike Pelfrey: Nachos BellGrande. Nachos BellGrande can be pretty frustrating. Sometimes you’ll get a bite that’s got the perfect distribution of toppings and be all, “holy crap, these nachos are amazing, they’re everything everyone told me they’d be and more.” But then other times you’ll wind up with a chip with nothing on it, and be like, “These nachos are mentally weak.” Too much of the Nachos BellGrande can be difficult to stomach. They require some patience, and they’re always much better at home than on the road.
Daniel Ray Herrera: Cinnamon Twists. Cinnamon Twists are unlike anything else on the Taco Bell menu. They’re small, but they’re a pretty good value. They can serve a useful but very specialized role when you need something sweet to counter all the salty stuff you’ve had. But you’re never going to want them as a full meal.
Nick Evans: Doritos Loco Taco. I’ll turn this one over to Twitterer @TeamHate: We’re not sure if it exists, but we’re all willing to give it a try.
Dillon Gee: Chicken Flatbread Sandwich. The Chicken Flatbread Sandwich is pretty new to the menu and some people probably went a little too crazy about it when it first showed up. But it’s OK. It’s inexpensive and a good, efficient way to fill out your order. Five Chicken Flatbread Sandwiches would make for a pretty boring and underwhelming meal, though.
Ryota Igarashi: Strawberry Fruitista Freeze. If Taco Bell decided to take the Strawberry Fruitista Freeze off the menu tomorrow, I’d be fine with that. And then years later I’d think back and chuckle, “Man, remember what a bad idea that turned out to be?”
Lucas Duda: XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito. The XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito is massive and pretty good.
Jason Isringhausen: MexiMelt. People sometimes snicker about the MexiMelt because it’s got a silly name and it’s been around forever. But truth is, the MexiMelt can still get the job done in a limited role.
Johan Santana: Bacon Cheeseburger Burrito. The Bacon Cheeseburger Burrito has been gone so long that it has receded in our minds, a hazy memory of something superbly awesome. But Taco Bell enthusiasts everywhere pine for its return.
Jason Bay: Taco Bell screwed up my order. Look: No one goes to Taco Bell expecting five-star haute cuisine. But you at least expect they’ll give you what you ask for with reasonable efficiency and at a fair price. Then every once in a while everything goes wrong, and you wind up paying too much and getting way less than you expected.