OK, good question. At home I’m a mustard man; there are currently four or five varieties of mustard in my fridge and before I moved I had upwards of seven. I’ll assume for the purposes of this conversation we’re also excluding honey mustard as form of mustard, plus Russian dressing*, Dijonnaise, mustardmayotardayonnaise and any other sauce formed by combining two or more of mustard, mayo and ketchup.

Obviously it depends on the sandwich: My favorite condiment isn’t always my favorite condiment for the sandwich I’m making. And there are things like tomato sauce which when on a chicken-parm hero are clearly condiments but probably aren’t what you’re looking for here so I will exclude.

Off the top of my head, I’m going to go with

3. Sriracha: Fiery hot but still sweet with an awesome distinctive flavor that goes well with tons of things. I put it on sandwiches and most other things.

2. Oil and balsamic vinegar: Is that technically two condiments? Whatever, I don’t care, I make the rules around here bro. The oil keeps things moist and the vinegar adds a ton of taste. My go-to for every non-parm Italian sandwich. The only downside is it doesn’t travel well.

1. The green sauce from Pio Pio: What is that stuff? I don’t know but everything about it is amazing. Go to Pio Pio and take some food home. Make sure they pack up the green sauce too. Then use the green sauce to make a sandwich. It can be a boring-ass turkey sandwich on white bread with no cheese, but you pour some of that green sauce on there and you’ve got an incredible sandwich. I wish they would just sell bottles of the stuff to carry out and/or drink right there on the street corner.

It’s tough to honor lifetime achievement in comedy because so few people keep churning out funny movies for more than a decade or so. Also, if we’re talking just movies here, it’s important to distinguish all four of those guys from their standup and/or Saturday Night Live work. But then I guess most of Eddie Murphy’s standup stuff that I’m familiar with is from Raw and Delirious, which were movies, so… I don’t know how to handle that.

I’m pretty sure the answer is either Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson or Bill Murray, Bill Murray, Bill Murray and Bill Murray.

I’d go so far as to argue Bill Murray should be on the regular Mount Rushmore but I don’t think it’s fair to include him in such ignoble company.

No, I hadn’t! That link’s not going to work. It’s here. The sandwich looks like this:

Here’s the description:

The Moby Dick features a 15-inch sesame-seed hoagie roll, five quarter-pound fish filets, eight slices of cheese, six ounces of clam strips, one-third pound of French fries, one cup of cole slaw, all topped off by gobs of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and tartar sauce — all for only $20.

The final product weighs in at over three pounds and feeds two fans uncomfortably or four fans comfortably. The sandwich, with over 4,000 calories and a diet-killing 200 grams of fat, will be available in select locations throughout Classic Park at all Captains home games.

Never change, Minor League Baseball.