Girl-drink drunk

I’m hardly the authority on masculinity, but there are a slew of commercials now (and probably always) asserting that real men should choose one specific beer or liquor over another. And it strikes me that ordering drinks based on what a commercial says is manly is probably, in truth, about the least manly thing imaginable.

I enjoy so-called “girly drinks” without shame. I developed a taste for bourbon about five years ago so I don’t enjoy big pink beverages as often now as I did before that, but I’ve never had much patience for dudes getting broken up over my pina coladas. Have you had a pina colada, bro? It’s a f@#$ing coconut milkshake that gets you drunk. I’ve got nothing to apologize for. Same goes for daquiris, mojitos, mai tais, and — heaven forbid — beer with some sort of fruit slice in it. If it tastes good, I could hardly care less that you think there’s some sort of stigma attached.

What I have come to admire about Cole Hamels in my three years of archiving the web’s most embarrassing photos of Cole Hamels is that it seems like he really doesn’t care what people say or think about him; he’s happy to pose for embarrassing photo after embarrassing photo because he’s certain he’s awesome.

So the following photo, posted to the Hamels’ Twitter account, might actually be the most embarrassing photo of Cole Hamels yet. If he embraced the Strawberry Cosmo (or whatever it is) with a face that said, “yeah I know it’s pink, but screw everybody, I’ve got a 10:1 K:BB and I’ll drink whatever’s in front of me,” I’d probably still post it for general silliness but it wouldn’t rank anywhere near the top of the list.

That Hamels is trying his best to look exasperated by the drink’s presence (and making a typically silly Hamels-face in the process) is what’s so embarrassing, as if he’s trying to say, “Get this girl stuff out of here, I like Nickelback and boobs and play sports!” And he can’t even quite pull it off because he’s kind of intrigued by the strawberry:

Upon further review, it’s still not nearly as embarrassing as this one. And I think ol’ Colbert’s just having some fun, and maybe even making fun of the type of guy who’d react violently to getting that drink. It has been added to the archive regardless, since it is undoubtedly embarrassing.

Also, obligatory:

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