Twitter Q&A

A massive oversight, that’s how! I meant to mention when Thayer re-emerged in the Majors last month, then got distracted. Now he’s closing games for the Padres and has yet to allow a run. Dale Thayer! Mustache hero Dale Thayer!

He’s also on my fantasy team. Look at this glorious man:

Here’s what someone who’s better than me at Photoshop needs to do: Take the most over-the-top gory-looking Slayer poster or t-shirt image you can find, add an awesome mustache to one of the skulls, then change the text from “SLAYER” to “THAYER.” I’d totally buy that t-shirt.

I’ve always been partial to the Quebec Nordiques’ jerseys, but if I were in the market for a hockey jersey I’m not sure I’d be able to resist the urge to buy one with “SATAN” on the back, for comic value. And in that case, it’d have to be Islanders.

Alternately, I might just also wear a No. 57 Minnesota Wild jersey with “SANTANA” on the back like Johan Santana did, because Johan Santana would probably be my favorite hockey player.

Man. Oh man.

I think about stuff like this with some frequency, trying to assign monetary values to creature comforts. For example: I can’t wear jeans to work. This is a business environment, and up the chain someone decided everyone in my office needs to wear pants everyday except on very special occasions (i.e. the day after Christmas). I hate wearing pants and feel way more comfortable in jeans. I’ve thought about it, and determined that I’d probably give up about six to seven percent of my salary per year to be able to wear jeans to work. And I really need money, living in the city with my wife in school and all.

But giving up bacon? Man… man. It’d be a lot. It’d have to be at least enough to buy a house, and even then I’m not sure. What’s the point in owning a house if I have to live in it knowing I can’t ever wake up to the smell of delicious bacon?

Here’s the question: Is this a no-backsies situation? Because I’d be way more inclined to do it if I could just pay the other guy back at a later date and start eating bacon again — though I guess in that case it’s more like a loan in which the interest is just that I can’t eat bacon.

But I’m pretty confident in my awesomeness, and any price I name feels like undercutting my earning potential. What if I say $2 million right now? That seems like a reasonable price to get me to give up bacon forever. But what if you pay me $2 million to give up bacon for the rest of my life, and by some coincidence, shortly thereafter suckers finally recognize. And now all of a sudden I’ve got book deals and record contracts and a TV show and $2 million I made on my own, and I can’t spend any of it on bacon. Total monkey’s-paw scenario.

So I’m not settling for any less than $5 million. For $5 million, I’ll give up bacon for the rest of my life. Possibly.

Yeah, it’s probably time to see what McHugh can do in Triple-A, huh? Toby says he’s waiting for an injury or an opening in the Triple-A rotation, and it always seems like there’s a lot more that goes into these decisions than I ever consider. But Garrett Olson hasn’t been spectacular in the Triple-A rotation and might have some value to the big-league club as a lefty in the bullpen. Maybe McHugh gets promoted to the Triple-A rotation and Olson transitions to a relief role?


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